⚠️ warning for DISCO ELYSIUM spoilers, you've been warned.
(i had just reached the tiny islet, and of course, went straight to take a rest as soon as possible on that cold bed—knowing what was ahead of me. that final dream. that intersection. that video rental.)
(it had took me an hour and a half to get through the dream, it was utterly devastating—and of course, miserable. it was just sad, it's hard for me to think of anything pretty to say, especially after meeting her innocence, DOLORES DEI. she is so, suffocatingly beautiful, that i am left speechless along with HARRY. conceptualising is harder than i thought.)
(i can't even begin to describe, let alone fathom how utterly devastating it was to go through that dream again. it felt even goddamn worse than last time i played, just a year ago. i was thrown inside HARRY'S shoes, i got plunged inside his mind, i was essentially him, or a part of him. even though HARRY and i weren't even underwater, it felt like we were submerged in it. drowning in that intersection.)
(HARRY is so, so human that it hurts. he's no longer an empty husk of a man, a living ghost with no memories. he's a person, a genuine living being with morbid, disgusting, real feelings. YOU, I, the player made him this way—it's a path to healing of some sort, it certainly is better than any alternative path HARRY had. better than drinking, and taking speed or getting those party eyes.)
DOLORES DEI - "See?" Her eyes widen. "It just takes some time. For you, I think it will take something like... twenty years, maybe? It was hard for me too. I used to think I couldn't live without you..." She looks you straight in the eye -- her irises are light blue, flecked with green.
YOU - "Twenty years? That's so much time..."
(so what if it does take HARRY twenty whole years to heal and move on? so what? as long as there's a sliver of hope...it's the only way we can keep moving forward, it's what we deserve.)
SHIVERS - I NEED YOU. YOU CAN KEEP ME ON THIS EARTH. BE VIGILANT. I LOVE YOU.
(even if it hurts cleaning out the rooms, even if the recollection of the past about TEQUILA SUNSET and EX-SOMETHING are painful...little by little, HARRY will recover pieces of himself back together, slowly. one day, he will look on the bay of MARTINAISE, he will study his reflection on the water and be reminded of his efforts, his hardships, the pain, love, and the support—even if it didn't seem like he had any, he will learn that it was worth it. on that day, he'll no longer think about how suffocatingly beautiful and young she is, nor the smell of tutti frutti apricot chewing gum, and the first time she left, when she begged him for forgiveness.)
DOLORES DEI - "You will get over it, just like I did. People do. Things will get good for you again..."
(but hey, i'm just a nostalgic 16yo teen talking crazy about their current hyperfixation on this unbelievably long silly book made in a videogame form. in today's session, i had literally played 22 total hours of DISCO ELYSIUM, while going through a manic episode. what do i know? well, what i know is that i can keep myself on this earth, i can do it for my friends, if not, then for me. just like with HARRY, for REVACHOL.)
VOLITION - You can do it. It's nothing. Do it for the city. Go.
