The Perks of Being a Wallflower
After watching this movie for the 100th time (haven't read the book, although I wish I had) I have once again come to the conclusion that it is amazing. Not only in the sense that it's plot, character development and production is magnificently composed, but its relatability strikes you right in your chest, with an arrow of bittersweet nostalgia. It's finding comfort in the idea that you're not alone, albeit behind a stream full of tears.
Watching it tonight I remembered someone once asking me to describe to them "what is it like, having depression?". In hindsight it's an incredibly stupid question, but I can see the intention behind it. To begin with, you never really 'have' depression in the notion that you possess it. It's far from that. It's something that possesses you. It engulfs your being into a big dark swirling mass. And at times, it will let out some light. Those are your moments of composure. Every other second is a maelstrom of thoughts inside your head that aren't supposed to be there. These seconds turn into what my counsellor liked to call 'the dark days'. I called it life; but each to their own.
In the simplest way, I'd have to liken it to a grey cloud. This is how I've envisioned it for the last 5 years of my life and this is my interpretation. You go about your day to day life as normal. You have family, friends, studies, just about everything your normal teen would have. But everywhere you go you have this little grey cloud above your head (I say little now, because I hazard that it's shrunk as I've aged- it was disturbingly large in my teen years now that I think back). And this little grey cloud follows you everywhere. Wherever you decide to go, this little grey cloud will drizzle melancholy into your mind. It will seep through your skin and into your bones. Some days its a light shower. Other days it's a shit storm. And to be honest, you're never really prepared for it. You're the weatherman but you have no experience, no clue what you're predicting. In reality, it's not like it matters. In every aspect of your life, there will be this little grey cloud, and there will be this toxic rain that just melts away at your consciousness. Your thinking becomes polluted and clouded and every decision is rife with doubt and uncertainty. You know when you're driving and it rains so hard your wiper blades can't keep up? It sort of becomes like that. The stress and the pain, it begins to overwhelm you. You start to lose vision of certain things, and eventually you're moving forward, blindly making hap-hazard decisions based on nothing but gut and instinct. And as it gets worse instinct turns into desperation and if you keep trying to move forward, if you keep driving through this torrent, you end up drowning in this pool of aching and exasperation. And no amount of cuts or counsellors or pills will be enough to wash away that trauma.
Like I said, sometimes the rain lets up. And once again, you can see the road, the path you're supposed to be on. But that little grey cloud is always there. When others watch this movie, I don't just want them to relate to depression, I want them to understand it. Understand that it's not just something you can just 'forget about'. It's not something you can brush off with "there are others who have it worse". It's not something that will go away with a simple 'cheer up'. I want you to understand that helping someone with depression is a process; there is no quick fix. I want you to understand that when someone's going through that, it's not their fault. In their drive in life, the rain has become a little heavy and what they need is a little guidance. They need you to be patient. Be empathetic. Be kind. Be their friend. That's all they ask for.
