#thrawn meme

[tomthefanboy]

New Meme Format!

bonus blank:

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: One whose path has taken a new turn is often initially disoriented. But as time passes, and the path continues steadily in its new direction, there is a tendency to believe that it will remain so forever, with no further turns. Nothing is further from the truth. A path once bent is always susceptible to new changes. Particularly when the original change came from manipulation by an outside force.

Eli: I know that, I'm just saying I was happy shelving stock. I was good at it, I don't know why they changed it!

Eli: Wait, what do you mean, "manipulation from an outside force?" Did you say something?

Thrawn:...

Thrawn: my shift is over, I have to go (runs off)

Eli: THRAWN!

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: There are three ways to take down a wild tusklan. The average hunter takes a large-bore weapon with which to shoot the animal. When it works, the method is quick and efficient. But if the first shot fails to hit a vital organ, the tusklan may be upon its attacker before a second shot can be aimed and fired. The wise hunter takes a smaller-bore weapon. The method is less likely to produce a first-shot kill, but the second, third, or fourth shot may succeed. However if the bore is too small, none of the shots will penetrate to vital points, and the tusklan will again triumph over its attacker. The subtle hunter takes no visible weapon at all. He instead induces a thousand stingflies to attack the tusklan from all sides. The method is slow, and destructive of the pelt. But in the end, the tusklan is dead.

Manager, sobbing, face down on his sandwich: Thrawn please... you can't keep doing this... our lawyer is seeking therapy... he might quit... please

Thrawn, placing a hand on the manager's shoulder: it's alright. As I said, they'll never trace it back to me this time. I trained the hornets excellently. I've even begun research into planting spiders in their bags.

Manager: (increased sobbing)

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: It is said that one should keep one’s allies within view, and one’s enemies within reach. A valid statement. One must be able to read an ally’s strengths, so as to determine how best to use him. One must similarly be able to read an enemy’s weaknesses, so as to determine how best to defeat him. But what of friends? There is no accepted answer, perhaps because true friendship is so exceedingly rare. But I have formulated my own. A friend need not be kept either within sight or within reach. A friend must be allowed the freedom to find and follow his own path. If one is fortunate, those paths will for a time join. But if the paths separate, it is comforting to know that a friend still graces the universe with his skills, and his viewpoint, and his presence. For if one is remembered by a friend, one is never truly gone.

Eli, extremely tired: Thrawn, I just said my shift's over. I'm not quitting. You can let go.

Thrawn, hugging tighter: I bid you farewell, Eli Vanto. May warriors fortune be with you.

Eli: I'm coming back tomorrow.

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: To some extent, the direction of one’s chosen path automatically selects for the paths that may cross it. A warrior’s path will intersect the paths of other warriors, allies and enemies alike. A worker’s path will intersect the paths of other workers. But as with games of cards or dice, sometimes unexpected crossings occur. Some are driven by chance, others by design, others by a change in one’s goals. Some are driven by malice. Such manipulations can prove effective in the short term. But the longer-term consequences can be perilously difficult to predict. The path of Arihnda Pryce is one such example. A deep and perceptive study of it can serve as a valuable lesson. And as an even more valuable warning.

Customer: I don't care who the fuck Areena Price is, I told you to get your fucking manager! I am going to have your fucking job!

Thrawn: that's hardly an incentive for me to get my manager. At any rate, they can't and won't change the price of the item, not even for your child.

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Eli: I don't know how we're gonna manipulate, mansplain, or manwhore our way outta this one, sir. Admiral Durril: looks like manslaughter it is.

Thrawn, who knew they'd have to gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss their way out from the beginning: May I offer you an alternative suggestion?

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: All beings begin their lives with hopes and aspirations. Among these aspirations is the desire that there will be a straight path to those goals. It is seldom so. Perhaps never. Sometimes the turns are of one’s own volition, as one’s thoughts and goals change over time. But more often the turns are mandated by outside forces.

Customer: can I use the fucking coupon or not?

Thrawn: it expired nearly two years ago; what is your conclusion?

[consultinghuntertimelord]

Thrawn: There are things in the universe that are simply and purely evil. A warrior does not seek to understand them, or to compromise with them. He seeks only to obliterate them.

Manager: look, I know that, but she was just asking for the manager.

Thrawn: her coupon expired months ago. The end result would have been the same.

Manager: she's in the hospital!