#three memories

[de-sire-blog]

Thank you @squintclover for tagging me! That's super fun :)) All of them are wolfstar!

Choose 5 fics and give them a tag line, then tag 5 people!

The Lab: Science is hot. No more words needed.

Evolution is spelt with an R: There are never only two sides in a war and, for some reason, nobody ever remembers the werewoves. Big mistake.

Berlin Angel: Sirius wanted Berlin to be a stop-over on the path of his soul-searching. What he didn't know was that Berlin is always the destination. Especially if Remus Lupin lives there.

Everything is right: The journey of acceptance of your sexuality is a difficult one, but sometimes it all works out just fine.

Three memories: We are homesick for most places we have never known, but there is one place in particular that became a turning point for Sirius. It's the Lupin Cottage.

I have no idea who has done that already, so please feel yourself tagged!

[mkaugust]

Inspired by the beautiful fic Three Memories by the lovely wordsmith @de-sire-blog

I.

Friend or lover?

Friend please,

you reply,

I need to tell my friend

About the incredible boy

That I kissed today.

I laugh and say okay,

I want to tell my friend about

The boy I got to kiss today too.

Later,

Your smile changes

And you start to blush,

And you ask,

Can you be my lover now?

I'm ready for another kiss.

I'm not laughing now.

All I can do is nod

And lean in close.

II.

Friend or lover?

You don't ask me that anymore.

I know it's because

The question in your head has become

Something closer to

Friend or foe

And everyday you become

More sure of the answer.

"Both!"

I want to scream.

"I'm still both,

I'll always be both."

Instead I try to show you,

Through soft and hard touches

When you'll let me,

That I'm still your lover.

I don't know how to show you that I'm your friend anymore.

III.

Friend or lover?

I haven't heard you ask that in so long,

The words alone make me cry.

"Both"

I whisper,

"I'll always be both."

You smile and thank me with a kiss,

"Lover later,

I've missed my friend."

Later we'll fall beneath the sheets,

And call each other lover

For the first time again.

But for now,

We pull each other close

And whisper words of forgiveness and love

In between the laughter and playful shoves,

Getting to know each other again

In the ways that only a friend can.

[de-sire-blog]

The irony of Remus ending up as the cool dad was hilarious even to Sirius.

[de-sire-blog]

Sirius remembers instantly knowing that the boy was his age, in a way only children can accurately sense, even though he looked younger – Remus was skinny and gangly even back then, pointy nose and pointy chin, and the biggest eyes Sirius has ever seen. Later, Remus grew into his features, broadened and stiffened, but his eyes always stayed the same – huge, and bright, and hiding absolutely nothing of what was going on in his mind, like two windows Sirius liked to peer into.

“What?” the boy asked and sniffed. “What do you want?”

“Who are you?” Sirius asked back angrily, and he knew he wasn’t meant to answer questions with questions, but his mother wasn’t there to reprimand him, and that was one of the best things about this situation.

The boy scowled, and Sirius noticed that he had an angry, red mark down his left cheek, it wrinkled a little with his expression.

“Who’s asking?” the boy shot back.

“Sirius,” he said automatically and instantly noticed that he lost the game by answering first.

read Three Memories on AO3

[de-sire-blog]

Sea levels were rising and so was Sirius’ love for Remus.

[de-sire-blog]

by R. J. Lupin

[de-sire-blog]

Three Memories

My wolfstar story Three Memories is now complete. I know some of you were waiting for it to be published fully before reading, so now you can do that :) I would love to hear your thoughts! Here is a snippet of the final chapter:

The third memory Sirius holds dear to his heart is not one he’s exactly proud of or one that is particularly happy or carefree. It’s hard to pick out what feelings this memory is laced with, even after so many years, perhaps because of so many years that have passed since then.

Sirius just remembers how angry he was. He remembers the all-consuming rage bubbling inside him as he walked up to the oh-so-familiar cottage by the sea.

This memory is of when Sirius was thirty-five. It is also the memory of his first interaction, first real interaction, with Remus after he escaped Azkaban, which is not a coincidence.

[de-sire-blog]

Three Memories

In case you missed it yesterday, I started posting a new wolfstar story called Three Memories. It's basically a memoir of their whole lives from Sirius' perspective packaged into three pivotal memories. Here's a little taste for you:

“That’s good,” Sirius said, and he remembers that it wasn’t meant as anything other than an empty response, for lack of other things to say in this awkward in-between realm of not-quite strangers, not-yet friends.

But Remus looked at him with his huge, bright eyes and then he smiled shyly. And, again, Sirius didn’t know what exactly he felt back then, and maybe his impressions from further down the line muddled his memory of what exactly he thought, but he’s pretty sure it was the first time of many when all he craved was to make sure nothing even remotely upsetting ever happened to Remus. He was not always successful with that, and oftentimes he was the sole reason Remus was upset, but the desire never went away.

I'd love to hear what you think about this!