This isn’t the first time Andreas has felt someone else’s bones breaking under his fists, but the sensation will never be normal. Nor should it be, he supposes. It’s important to not normalize extreme behavior.
The thought doesn’t stay his hand, however, not until there is no longer a struggle. Then he pauses, examines what he’s done. Blood pooling across the tiles, a corpse rapidly chilling to the touch. He sighs, blinking away the rage.
“Look,” Jim said, cigarette hanging from his mouth, “it’s not like I make the rules.”
Andreas cocked his head, stilling in his polishing of the bowling sneakers behind the counter.
“What?” Jim asked. “You think I can do anything about it? You want to say something. Put the rag down. Let it out.”
“He’s a child,” Andreas signed.
“Well—” Jim grimaced. “Well, yeah. But the rules say to tell the parents.”
Andreas stepped away from the counter.
Jim fell silent as he watched him grab the baseball bat leaning against the wall. Calm, ever so calm.
“You’re not hazing on me, are you, Andreas?” Jim asked only half-jokingly.
Andreas shook his head. He crossed over to the door and flipped the sign to closed.
“Listen,” Jim said, voice rising in octave. “I don’t have anything against them!”
“His parents are known abusers, Jim,” Andreas signed as he loosened his tie. “They’re also known transphobes.”
“But I’m not,” Jim replied. He took a step backward.
Andreas didn’t argue that point, but he’d overheard the phone conversation. He knew what Jim said.
“I looked up to you,” Andreas signed, moving ever closer. “I really did. You gave me a job when no one else would take me. You let me make a fresh start as I worked through my therapy. I’m grateful for that.”
“Good!” Jim said. “I’m glad! So you can forgive an old man a few mistakes?”
Andreas sighed. “Afraid not, Jim.”
Jim tried to bolt; Andreas was faster.
Jim squealed as the first blow took him to the floor, scrambled to see Andreas standing over him. He whimpered.
“I’m grateful,” Andreas repeated, “but I think the relationship has run its course. Consider this my resignation.”
Jim screamed as the bat came down again.
Now, in the aftermath of it all, Andreas is struggling to feel shame. He wonders how he’ll board the train bloodstained as he is, thinks of how he could dispose of the body with as little evidence left behind as possible, even considers calling Halsten to apologize for ruining his favorite tie, but shame is eerily absent in this quiet, red-splattered place.
In the next four hours, he ignores the increasingly worried calls from his boyfriends and cleans the entire store, disposing the body as best he can to give them a few days to get out of town. It’s methodical, it’s deliberate, it’s safe.
The shame sets in when he sees himself in the alley’s restroom mirror, when he looks at his phone to see 16 missed calls, when he presses redial. When it rings one and a half times before being picked up by a flustered Myungdae. When Halsten’s loud cursing can be heard in the background.
Andreas releases a low whistle into the receiver.
Myungdae stops his babbling to cluck his tongue. “So you’re okay,” he says. “Text us the details.” He hangs up.
Andreas opens the alley doors only when Myungdae and Halsten arrive with the car.
“What happened?” Myungdae asks as Halsten speaks over him, “What did you do?”
Myungdae pales. Halsten sighs. Andreas watches them both.
Then very, very quietly, fists balled at his sides, Myungdae asks the both of them, “Where are we running?”
And Andreas knows he’ll never feel more loved.