Why is autistic an insult and why am I comparable to a toddler and why is everything supposedly my fault

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Why is autistic an insult and why am I comparable to a toddler and why is everything supposedly my fault
I think when I suggest I should stay in the car people should listen to me because then I wouldn’t have barged a trolley at a sixty something year old woman telling her to “beep fucking beep” while she stood chatting in the doorway, or wouldn’t have busted a twelve pack of water bottles
I could have been awake and productive for the last two and a half hours but instead Ive been on my phone and I’m EVIL I could have had things DONE
I feel SiCK
What is WITH this false sense of calm that keeps luring me in
AGH
SLEEP when will you WORK???????????!!!
I’ve been immobilised by tinfoil and lack of sight for almost two hours like a fucking microbe, very very calm