“I have to change, I have to live. I am afraid but that doesn’t change a thing!”
Recently I noticed that I'm stuck in one place. No matter how hard I try, I cannot move forward even though I want to. This makes me feel really uneasy, my heart squeezes and I just feel bad for myself. I tell myself everyday, every minute:
"You have to change. You can't become happy if you don't!".
I am still young, I'm in the peak of my youth, I shouldn't be even thinking about changing but the thing is that I am in a position where I have to be more mature than the others, even though I'm not even able to rely on myself. How could I handle others relying on me more than they already do? Someday there will be the one trigger that'll change me but I don't know when it will be. Isn't it better to pull the trigger myself?
I have to change, I have to live. I am afraid but that doesn't change a thing!
I wonder if you had also the same worries as me at a certain point in your life, my dear Namjoon. It's obvious that you changed and you became more and more wonderful as time went by, and I'm sure that this fact won't ever change. As for me I don't have a clue about me anymore or never had it to begin with but maybe I'm just afraid of myself.
For now I will keep trying my best to move forward, my best to become someone who can accept herself.
REFLECTIONS, a Bangtan Base project for Kim Namjoon’s 24th birthday, is a year long digital journal collating the thoughts and musings of ARMYs in the form of visuals and text. Submissions are open to all ARMYs, all year round! Visit us at https://reflections-rm.tumblr.com/ to join in, and for more daily entries like this!
