Geralt’s Clotpoles
AN: This was a collab I did with @im-absolutelee-ticklish & we had a blast writing this! Hope you all enjoy this! & the song Jaskier sings is to the tune of The Farmer in the Dell. Now on with the fic!
They had been traveling for quite a while between missions, spending more downtime camping in the woods and training Ciri to use her abilities. Geralt was pleasantly surprised when Jaskier and Ciri became quick friends, though he figured he shouldn’t be too shocked. Jaskier was friendly and likable, bringing joy wherever he went. And Ciri was a kind and curious soul, eager to learn and help where she could. He was happy that they got along so well and took comfort in knowing it was one less thing he needed to worry about. But like everything, it came with a downside.
It was a nice day. The sun was shining and the day was warm, but not too hot. And there was this noise, this incessant chattering that buzzed like a fly in his ear. Ciri and Jaskier had not stopped talking since they had left the camp earlier that day. Geralt had chosen to ignore it most of the time. As the day wore on it became more and more difficult. They weren’t even talking about anything interesting. First, it had been gossip about people they apparently despised, then they had moved on to singing. Jaskier was teaching Ciri different singing techniques and they didn’t always make her sound as sweet as she was. Besides, he didn’t need two singer/songwriters in their party of three. The bard was plenty enough. Fortunately he was able to tune them out for a while. That was until he heard something that made his ears twitch.
They were talking quietly enough to where most of the conversation was mumbled vowels and consonants, but he was able to decipher a few words. One of those words being his own name. He strained to hear what they were saying, but even with his enhanced hearing, it was near impossible. He turned to look over his shoulder, watching Jaskier lean down to whisper something in Ciri’s ear, cupping a hand over his mouth. Whatever he said made her giggle, and they both cut their eyes his way. He quickly turned his head forward like he had just made a glance back and not as if he was staring at them. This caused them to both let out a few giggles as they went back to whispering. Finally, Geralt had had enough.
“We’re stopping here.” He said in his usual gruffness. Ciri and Jaskier stopped and went silent just staring at him.
“In the middle of the road?” Jaskier asked. Geralt only gave an annoyed grunt in response, leading Roach off the path. They stood on the road just watching Geralt for a while before a grin started to appear on Jaskier’s face. As he followed the witcher he began to sing one of those silly little songs he had come up with earlier that day.
“O’ the witcher is a dad, the witcher is a dad.
Geralt’s now a father,
With his daughter of surprise!” The song was peppy and catchy, and he swayed from side to side as he strummed. Ciri followed close behind giggling and clapping in time with the song.
“That one is a fun one, don’t you think so daddy?” Ciri playfully teased running up and hugging the back of his leg. Geralt smirked down at her from where he sat atop Roach. He used his boot to gently nudge her away.
“No. It’s flat.” Jaskier gasped.
“I’m flat? I’m … Now when have I ever been flat?”
Geralt found himself smirking even more, an uncharacteristic streak of mischief rearing its head. “Since the day we met.” Now it was Ciri's turn to gasp as she backed up and looked between Jaskier and Geralt. Jaskier stood, mouth agape; he was trying to figure out if he had heard correctly.
"What?"
"You heard me."
Jaskier’s mouth hung open, his hands on his hips. “You have some nerve!”
"I do? Well, I guess that makes sense with hunting monsters and all." Jaskier crossed his arms with a huff, stomping off to stand near Ciri.
“Smart ass,” he mumbled. Ciri gave him a sympathetic look, patting his arm.
“There there, your voice is very lovely,” she comforted. Geralt started to grin, he just couldn’t help himself.
“Now don’t go giving him false hope Ciri, that does nothing for him. Only makes it harder in the long run.” He got off Roach and started setting up what would be their camp for the night.
“Don’t listen to him. He’s just grumpy because you have the voice of an angel and he can’t sing even one note in tune with a cricket. Let alone put together enough words to form a sentence.” Ciri continued to comfort Jaskier as she turned and scowled at Geralt, sticking her tongue out at him. He just so happened to turn around just then, and she immediately stuck her tongue back in her mouth and turned back around.
“Hey Ciri,” he called, gaining her attention. She whipped around to look at him, her hair fanning out with the motion. He stuck his tongue out at her in retaliation. She couldn’t help but giggle.
“Real mature.” He shrugged, going back to work as he spoke.
“What can I say, you’re rubbing off on me.” Ciri rolled her eyes and turned her attention back on the sulking bard.
“Hey Jasky, don’t be sad.” She paused for a moment trying to think of something to cheer her friend up. “Let’s race to see who can find the prettiest rock.” Jaskier couldn’t help the smile that was playing on his lips. Ciri was just too sweet and adorable.
“Okay pumpkin.” He wrapped an arm around her. “Ready?”
“Ready!” she exclaimed. Jaskier was sitting on his knees, ready to bolt.
“Go!” They set off in search of suitable rocks for their playful competition. Geralt just rolled his eyes and started putting together what would be their meal. In a few minutes both of them had collected a good handful of rocks, they sat down beside each other and started sifting through what they had. All of a sudden out of the corner of her eye Ciri saw a shimmering rock in Jaskier’s pile. He hadn’t quite sorted that far. Sneakily Ciri reached over and grabbed the rock, placing it in her pile. A short while later he had finished sorting his rocks, looking at the ground in confusion. He swept his hands in the grass, feeling all around in search of his last rock.
“I could’ve sworn I had another one,” he wondered aloud. His eyes landed on the shimmering rock that he definitely remembered picking up. “Ciri. What are you doing with my rock?” He leaned over to grab it but Ciri snatched it up first.
“It’s in my pile! What are you trying to do with my rock?”
“Ciri, c’mon. You know it’s mine, give it back.” He said growling at her playfully. She held the rock close to her chest.
“No, it’s mine,” she insisted.
“Ciri…” Jaskier warned.
“No!” she squealed starting to stand up. Jaskier grabbed at her arms quickly pulling her onto him as they fell back. His hands found her sides and he started squeezing them lightly and quickly. A loud shriek pierced through the air followed by bubbly giggles. She thrashed in his hold, batting at his hands weakly. She was curled in a tight ball and Jaskier’s skilled fingers wormed their way underneath her arms. Geralt had finished setting up and preparing their food, he sat there watching them.
“Are you going to give me my rock back?” he asked in a teasing voice. She shook her head, mouth hanging open, her laughter free flowing. “No? Well I guess you just want to get tickled to death,” he said casually. He formed his hand into a claw, hovering it over her belly.
“NOOO!” she screamed, rolling slightly in the grass trying to get away. “Geralt! Help me!” Geralt smiled at her from where he was.
“Why should I help you? Didn’t you cheat? And steal? And lie?” There was a playful edge to his voice. He got up and walked toward them. Once reaching them he stood there thinking. “Hmmmm." He grunted. Then a smirk appeared on his lips, looking down and with a teasy voice. "Okay, I’ll help you.”
“What?!” Jaskier exclaimed. Geralt ignored him and he reached down grabbing her under the arms gently. Using his thumbs he wiggled them in her armpits. She squealed and tried to get out of his grip.
“This is what happens to little girls who get caught.” Geralt teased. Jaskier grinned and came up in front of the squealing girl. He looked up at her as he lifted her shirt, giving her a wink before blowing a huge raspberry right in the middle of her tummy. She had no choice but to lay there and take it. Her legs kicked out and she tossed her head from side to side.
“Maybe you’ll think twice before cheating,” Jaskier said. He reached up, wiggling a few fingers under her chin. She slammed her head down, trapping his fingers while she bit her tongue to try and suppress her giggles. Geralt reached down, squeezing her hips causing her to buck and double over in hysterics.
“Okay!” She shrieked in laughter. “I’ve lehehearned!” Jaskier looked up at Ciri, then Geralt. He waved at Geralt to stop and give her a breather.
“Hmmmm, I don’t think you’ve learned quite yet. Just one last thing and then I know for sure you’ll have learned.” He grinned. Ciri caught her breath as she tried to glare at Jaskier.
“Nohoho mohohore,” she pleaded. Jaskier grinned at her and bopped her nose, making her scrunch up her face adorably.
“Only one last thing, whiny! You can handle that, can’t you?” he teased, knowing her sense of pride would outweigh the need for it to stop. She shrugged as she caught her breath, “I mean I guess-“ Jaskier giggled with glee.
“Alright. Close your eyes.” Ciri frowned and stuck her tongue out at Jaskier before doing so. Jaskier started a countdown knowing that would really get to her. “Fiiiiiiiive, Fooooour.”
“Noohooooo, doohooon’t” Both Jaskier and Geralt grinned. Geralt put his arms around her, hugging her close to him to keep her from squirming and to hold her close, to let her know he had her.
“Threeeeeee, twoooooooo.” Jaskier’s hands found Ciri’s thighs and started squeezing like mad. Her reaction was immediate, a loud shrill screech echoing through the air. Her legs drummed on the ground and she smacked a hand on Geralt’s knee. A bright blush made its way on her face as her mouth hung open in frantic laughter that soon became silent. After a moment of her silent laughing Geralt told Jaskier to back off.
“She’s had enough.” Jaskier gave one last squeeze before letting go. He ruffled his hand in her hair affectionately. It didn’t take long for Ciri’s laughs to come back and she slowed down to giggling between breaths.
“You’re a meanie Jasky.”
“Next time don’t cheat and this doesn’t have to happen.” He grinned and winked. Fluttering his fingers in her neck as he passed by moving toward the little campsite. “Mmmmmm, this smells good, what are we eating tonight?” Ciri squealed and scrunched her neck as Geralt slowly released her from his hold making sure she wouldn’t fall over. Then he turned around, taking Ciri’s hand they walked and took a seat around the fire.
Jaskier had a smug look as he sat on a log and grabbed his lute. He idly plucked at the strings and hummed the tune from earlier. Ciri glared at him playfully from where she sat next to Geralt. He shot her a wink in return. When Geralt rolled his eyes with an annoyed huff, Jaskier used his other eye to wink at him.
“Hmm.” At that, he winked again, this time much more exaggerated and opened his mouth, making it very obvious what he was doing. Geralt tilted his head, “You’re being a real clotpole.”
Jaskier chuckled, “Why thank you for the heartfelt compliment.” Geralt growled in response.
"You know that wasn't a compliment." Jaskier winked back and had a smug grin on his face. It was then that Ciri had an idea and she leaned over and whispered into Geralt's ear. Jaskier could see as Ciri was talking a grin started to appear on the witcher's face. He was starting to get a little nervous now. Even more so as they both looked at him with smug grins and eyes that looked like they were going to eat him for dinner. Jaskier cleared his throat nervously and gave them a small smile.
"Well this sure looks good. You've really outdone yourself this time Geralt!" He chuckled nervously. "Should we eat?"
"Yes, we should." That time Geralt made very clear that he was not talking about the food he had prepared. Rather a lanky, annoying bard would be on the menu tonight.
“Right. Uh, I’ll get us some dishes,” he said, keeping an eye on them as he grabbed some discs and cutlery from Roach’s saddle bag. They all helped themselves to the food and ate in mostly silence. Every once in a while Jaskier would see Ciri lean over and whisper in Geralt’s ear, making a sly smirk appear on his face as he glanced over at him. Or Geralt would lean down to tell her something that made her grin from ear to ear. Frankly, it put the bard on edge. Jaskier was finishing his food quite quickly. But it seemed like the other two were taking their sweet time. In the meantime Jaskier tried to work on a song but his nerves were getting the better of him and he wasn't able to focus properly. This did not go unnoticed by the others.
Ciri tilted her head, a sweet smile plastered on her face with something sinister hiding underneath. “What’s wrong Jaskier? You seem… nervous.” He let out a string of chuckles to mask his growing fear and anticipation.
“What? Me? I’m not nervous.” Geralt raised a brow and glanced at his leg, which was bouncing up and down rapidly. “I’m just trying to figure out the tempo for this song,” he said, pulling an excuse out of his ass.
Geralt hummed, “Fast song.” Jaskier nodded, lips pressed together thinly.
“Mhm. Very energetic.” He nodded as he spoke, as if to convince himself of the lie.
“What’s the song about?” Ciri asked, scooting closer to the edge of the log. Jaskier’s mouth hung open in thought, head tilted back and eyes squinting slightly.
“Not sure yet. Just working on the beat.” By now both Geralt and Ciri had finished eating and set their discs aside. Jaskier was quick to find something else to busy himself. He knew they were planning something, and he was pretty sure he knew what it was. “Why don’t I wash these up?” He didn’t wait for an answer, jumping up and gathering the discs to clean them in the nearby river.
Ciri looked at Geralt, clearly amused and trying to suppress her laughter. “You think he knows?”
“Now what possibly gave you that idea?” Geralt joked.
"Oh I don't know. Just look at him!" She was talking loud enough for him to hear. "He's all jumpy, and blushy and when does he ever want to do the dishes or help out?" she teased. Jaskier dropped the disc he was washing.
“Hey now, I do the dishes all the time!” he yelled over his shoulder.
"Is that why we always need to get new ones? Because you get too flustered and you drop them all so they either break or get lost?" Geralt teased evilly. Jaskier flushed pink and turned his back to them, focusing on cleaning the unbroken dishes. He grumbled to himself, mocking his tone of voice. Pleased with his work, he stood to his feet, spinning on his heels. He gasped when he was face to face with Geralt and stumbled back, losing his balance on the river bank. Geralt reached out and grabbed him by his shirt, pulling him back to safety. Jaskier couldn’t help but notice just how close he was pressed against Geralt’s chest and felt his mouth go dry.
“Mhm- uh, th-thanks for that,” he said, patting a hand on his chest a bit awkwardly. He tried to walk away, and frowned when Geralt still had a grip on his shirt. "Uhh, Geralt? You can let go of me now. I'm not in danger of falling in anymore." He chuckled nervously and tried to walk again.
"Just where do you think you're off to?" Geralt asked gruffly and with a sly smirk on his face that made Jaskier gulp and squirm where he stood.
“Yeah,” Ciri piped up, suddenly at his side, “Did you think we’d let you go after earlier?” Jaskier was smiling nervously now as he looked down at her.
“Well a man can hope, can’t he? Besides, that’s in the past now,” he tried to reason. Ciri looked at Geralt who raised an eyebrow.
"Hmmmm, let me …" Ciri started as Geralt looked at her and started to slowly release him. A spark of hope hit Jaskier as he felt the grip loosening. Then "NOPE!" and Geralt had him pinned on his back with his arms over his head in a few seconds flat. Jaskier didn't even know what hit him. He stared at them wildly before he burst into giggles as Ciri was clawing at his torso.
“Nohohoho! I’m sohohorry!” he yelled, unable to hold in his laughter. He kicked his legs out and rolled back and forth in the grass, but nothing alleviated the sensations.
“Aw that’s nice, but I’m not looking for an apology,” Ciri said as her fingers climbed up his ribs. Jaskier's laugh got a little squeakier as her fingers continued to climb.
"Ciri! Pleeheeeease!" Ciri looked up at Geralt, her fingers scratching just underneath the ticklish bard’s armpits.
"You hear that Geralt? He's asking nicely for you to help me!"
“I AM NOT!” he all but screamed. Geralt knew all of his worst spots and was completely merciless. Ciri tickling him was driving him mad, but if he joined, Jaskier knew he’d die. Geralt tilted his head in thought.
“Hmm. I don’t know, I think I have to side with Ciri on this,” he said. Switching his grip to one hand, he used his other to scratch his blunt nails along Jaskier’s neck. He squealed and scrunched up like a turtle, trying to protect himself. Ciri who had now moved her fingers into his armpits, grinned and giggled.
"Awwww, is this too tickly Jasky? Maybe next time you shouldn't be so mean." She teased, using his tone and similar words from earlier. "Maybe next time you'll learn." Jaskier was laughing too hard to respond. She moved to his stomach, poking all around his belly rapidly, not giving him the chance to get used to the feeling.
His laughter jumped an octave, becoming higher pitched and breathier as he tried to dislodge her attacks. Between every few giggles, his entire body would jolt with a hiccup. The jittery, jumpy sounds leaving his mouth made Ciri beam down at him as her fingers continued their onslaught.
“Awww that’s so cute!” Upon hearing the compliment, Jaskier flushed a deep shade of pink. Ciri met Geralt’s eyes, “Isn't it cute?” she asked rhetorically.
Geralt looked away, “Mm.” A man of few words, as always. Ciri giggled with her tongue between her teeth. Her fingers continued their journey across his torso, slowly moving closer to his hips.
“Fuck! No Ciri please! Nohohot thehehere, Geralt doho something!”
Geralt moved his hands down to Jaskier's lower ribs effectively holding him down with his knees while massaging his fingers into them. He nodded at Ciri to go for it. Ciri giggles before diving in her little thumbs, drilling into those sensitive hip bones making Jaskier scream.
“Shihihit!” He bucked wildly, but was unable to get away or lessen the sensations. His legs drummed on the ground, managing to dig little ruts into the soft earth.
"Wow, he certainly is ticklish. Aren't you Jasky? Have you had enough? Or do you need more before you've learned your lesson?" Her fingers didn't lift up for even a milisecond. She had the biggest grin on her face. Looking up she saw that Geralt was enjoying this just as much. She loved it when they were all happy and having fun.
Jaskier was quick to answer between laughs. “Yes, yes, I hahaha, Ihi’ve learned okay? Quihihihit!” Geralt finally showed mercy and let him go. Jaskier immediately curled in on himself, falling to his side as he batted Ciri’s lingering hands away. Ciri giggled and put in a few final pokes and squeezes before stopping and allowing him to calm down. Once Jaskier had regained his composure and started to sit up he tried to glare at the pair. Ciri threw herself into him, hugging him tightly.
Jaskier couldn't help but to return the hug. “I swear you two are just trying to kill me,” he muttered into her hair. When she giggled at him, he pinched her cheek. “I mean it. You’re lucky I’m still here,” he teased, fixing Geralt with a hard but playful glare from over the princess’s shoulder. Geralt rolled his eyes.
“Always so dramatic. You’ll be fine, I assure you.”
"Pardon me if I don't take a witcher's assurance of being fine seriously." Geralt raised an eyebrow and a hand with wiggling fingers in response. Jaskier squeaked and hid behind Ciri as much as he could as Geralt chuckled and sent him a wink. Ciri rubbed his back gently to try to help him relax.
"It's okay Jasky. I'll keep you safe." She grinned and let out a yawn.
"Ahhh, I think it's bedtime." Jaskier sang softly. Turning her in his arms so she was laying in them like a baby. He started to sing a soft lullaby to her. She snuggled closer to his body, able to hear his still slightly rapid heartbeat begin to slow. A hand softly ran through her hair, and she closed her eyes with a smile. The gentle vibration that echoed through his chest added an extra comfort that helped lull her to sleep. Jaskier glanced up as he sang and caught Geralt staring at them fondly. Something akin to love burned in his golden irises. Jaskier smiled sweetly as he finished his song. Leaning back against a tree he too closed his eyes and hummed himself to sleep.
Geralt watched as they slept soundly and he smiled as he thought about the day they had had. Yes, they had been annoying and had gotten on his nerves. But there had been laughter and fun as well. He would rather have all the frustration of having them around if he got to hear their beautiful laughs, see their beaming smiles, and feel the love and care they had for each other and for him. Yes, they were both clotpoles. But they were his clotpoles. And that was more than he could ever ask for.