But I'm no soldier.
I had no doubts about marching against the empire. No doubts about hindering their efforts, no doubts about making my stance known. It's about time I did.
I've fought. I've killed. I've done what I've deemed necessary for the good of this realm. Like I'm anyone to make that call, no matter how strong my bond to the divine is.
I've made mistakes. Hurt those who don't deserve it, made rash judgements, kept grudges. I have done things that I regret.
In theory I've done all that comes with being a soldier, but as I'm standing here next to all these fallen, who've given their lives for this righteous purpose, I know I'm no soldier.
As a volley of arrows rains down on me, though I persevere, I'm no soldier. As the chaos of combat surrounds me, in this moment I'm still. I catch a glimpse of my bloodied face in the puddle, I see the hesitation and uncertainty in my eyes. I'm no soldier.
The morality of what's unfolding is beyond anything I've had to make judgements of before. The opposing forces barely know what they're really doing. They've made it impossible to negotiate anything anymore.
All I can do is show them the truth, hoping to shake the foundations of the lies fed to them. But how am I to do it when there's a frenzy of blades and blood all around me, rushing to lessen the number of the ones aiming to hurt us.
Am I any better than them? Trying to get my will be done by destroying anyone that dares to defy? I'm no soldier, but the empire has made me one. Maybe that's how they've been winning throughout history. Make us resort to their methods as options run out, until there's no difference between us, and we're swallowed.
I want to run. But that's not an option. I've made this promise. I am a soldier. Though I'm no soldier.
