The April Fool
Fandom: Doctor Who Pairing: Rose x Ten Baby!fic, Time lady!Rose, Doomsday rewrite. The Doctor unable to return turns out to be a horrid prank.
AO3
-------------------------------------------
Last night I had a dream. Rose. I heard a voice and it was calling my name. Rose. Rose. Rose. I had a dream. I told Mum, and Dad, and Mickey. Anyone else would think I was mad. But not those three. They believed it because they’ve met the Doctor. So they listened to the dream. He was calling me and that night, we packed up, got into dad’s old Jeep, and off we went. Mum cried the entire time she packed my duffel. She said she knew that I had never belonged there. She said she understood it even more when I’d gotten shot at Torchwood, by a bullet that had meant to be a rubber round, but was instead live. It hit me in the heart, and I was on the ground, choking on my own blood.
It was the best and worst feeling of my life. I was going to die. It was a certainty that I’ve never before experienced with anything else in life. They’d called Mum and Dad to say goodbye, but instead, the light energy still latent in my dna, missed by the Doctor, came to life and lit me ablaze in the longest and shortest shock of my life. I’d seen this, when I’d been Bad Wolf. I’d become this.
Mum’d had kittens when she heard.
The medic had informed her, after a full workup, that I had two hearts. Multiple stomachs. That everything was healthy still… that my body had known how to protect….
She’d always known that I was going to become an alien and run off with the Doctor. Now, here was my chance, sad as she was, she was also happy knowing I wouldn’t have to watch everyone I love grow old and die before me – not alone, anyhow.
We followed the voice across the water, kept on driving hundreds and hundreds of miles, because he was calling.
Rose.
Rose walked alone across the windswept beach, duffel in hand, remembering the last time she’d tossed it at the Doctor, laughingly telling him that he was stuck with her, now. There she was, at last…. and she’d have to tell him the story of how she’d died. He’d hate it, for sure. An image of the Doctor appeared in front of her, startling her from her revierie.
“Where are you?” she asked, fearing his response. Fearing letting go of all of her newfound hope.
“Inside the Tardis.” His voice was so grim….
Inside the Tardis….. he’s going to say he can’t come and get me…. I’m damned to live here and watch them all wilt…
“There’s only one tiny little gap in the Universe left, just about to close, and it takes a lot of power to send this projection. I’m in orbit around a supernova. I’m burning up a sun just to say goodbye.”
The words were like a shot. She knew then, that the best course of action would be to lie to him, tell him everything was fine, that she was happy…. but she couldn’t…. could she?
“You look like a ghost…” she murmured.
“Hold on,” he responded, and the sound of the sonic was something she’d missed so much.
“C…. can… I…?” she reached, but his instant negative response made her flinch and stop.
“I’m still just an image…. no touch.”
Yeah, boy, doesn’t that sound like when we first met…?
“Can’t you come through properly?”
We’ll never be together…
“The whole thing would fracture. Two universes would collapse.” I’m losing everything. It feels like my universe is collapsed anyhow.
“So?” she joked bitterly.
I have to be strong for him. I should….
“Where are we? Where did the gap come out?”
“We’re in Norway.”
“Norway. Right.”
“About fifty miles out of Bergen. 50.17 miles, to be exact. It’s a town called Dårling Ulv Stranden.”
“Dalek?” “Dårlig. The A with a small circle above it, makes the ‘aw’ sound. It’s Norwegian for Bad. It translates as Bad Wolf Bay.” He nodded, and she felt prompted to say anything.
“How long….?” she could barely get the words out, tears streaking her face.
“Two minutes….” she could hardly hear him over the water rushing sound in her ears. Her mum was crying softly in the background. She’d never wanted this life for her girl….
“I can’t think of what to say…” she laughed a bit, nervously.
“You’ve still got Mr. Mickey then?”
“There’s five of us now. Mum, Dad, Mickey and the baby.” it rolled off her tongue so automatically.
“You’re not?!”
Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit….
“Oh no, it’s mum. She’s three months gone. More Tylers on the way.” Had the Doctor seen the look of abject horror and confusion on Jackie’s face, he would have seen through the lie.
“And what about you? Are you–”
“Yeah, I’m back working in the shop.”
“Oh, good for you…”
“Shut up. No I’m not. There’s still a Torchwood on this planet. It’s open for business. I think I know a thing or two about aliens.”
Jackie’s loud snort and Mickey’s cough were thusly ignored, although the Doctor did raise an eyebrow.
“Rose Tyler…” he said her name with so much affection. It reminded her of the way he said it when they made love, when he kissed all along her body, when he gasped it into her ear and mind when he came.
“Defender of the Earth. You’re dead, officially, back home. So many people died that day and you’ve gone missing. You’re on a list of the dead. Here you are, living a life, day after day. The one adventure I can never have.”
“Am I ever going to see you again?”
“You can’t.”
She crumbled. “What are you going to do?”
He was putting on a front. He kept biting his lips, trying to keep his face brave for her. “Oh. I’ve got the Tardis. Same old life, last of the Time Lords.”
“On your own…..” she breathed. Just say it, you idiot. Last chance. “I…. I love you….”
The look in his eyes was shocked to the teeth, and he looked like he was struggling to form words for a moment. “Quite right too… And, I suppose, if it’s one last chance to say it, Rose Tyler, I…”
The Tardis vanished, and she collapsed to the beach, sobbing. Jackie ran to her daughter, throwing her shoes off to get a better grip on the sand.
“You can’t get so upset, it’s not good for the–” she was cut off by the sounds of the Tardis.
The Tardis was solid this time, and she looked at him in shock as he exited, smiling wildly. “Happy April Fools Day!” he announced, as though he’d just pulled a rabbit out of a hat.
His smile took on a confused and strained look, and then he finally gave up the ghost. “Rose….”
She was breathing heavily, trying to control the urge to let him bloody have it mixed with her body recovering from shock and the worst sadness of her life. This was where her mum took over, pinging rocks at him from the beach left and right, that he struggled to dodge, both hands up in defense.
“BLOODY. TIME. LORD. ARSEHOLE! YOU! DO! NOT! DO! THAT! KIND! OF! PRANK!”
He tried to take Rose into his arms, getting winged by sand dollars by Jackie when Rose swung at him. She barely missed.
Even Mickey shook his head at him. “Some bits don’t even begin to be appropriate, Doctor. You can’t joke about this sort of bit. Pregnancy pranks, death pranks, screamers, and breakup pranks. They’re literally not okay.”
“Oh….” he murmured, looking confused. “They were appropriate on Xylon 5. Prank capital of the Universe….”
“Earth, mate. You should know.”
Rose’s lip quivered, and he felt like the biggest bastard in the universe. He reached for her, and she sobbed in his arms, as he spun her around.
“I thought I’d have to spend forever without you….” she hiccupped, and he shook his head.
“I’m sorry. I thought you’d figured me out…. what with that whole bit about the shop….”
“N…. no…”
He shushed her, holding her tightly.
“I’m…. s’me…. I’m pregnant….”
“You don’t have to do a joke in reverse, Rickey just said that those pranks aren’t appropriate.”
Mickey flipped him the bird.
“S’not a joke….” she whimpered, unable to handle much more emotional drainage today.
He suddenly felt it, felt exactly what she was, and then felt the life blooming, once he had begun paying attention. “Y…. you….. we…. oh, Rose….”
His tears came without prompt, and she gave him a watery smile. “I told you…. forever…. I jus’ really, really meant it….”
He held her tightly, and after a few apologies and goodbyes to Jackie and everyone else – ‘YOU HAD BETTER MARRY HER’ screamed in his ear – he took off with the love of his life, the holes in the universes closing as soon as he left.
“I’m just saying,” he kept trying, feeling guiltier and guiltier by the second. He’d pretend permanently broken up with the mother of his child. Who was now a Time Lady, who would have had to outlive everyone… oh, he was space rubbish… “It seemed funny at the time. I thought we’d have a laugh.”
“It wasn’t funny. It was dreadful.”
“I’m rubbish at pranks, Rose, I’m so sorry–”
“Make it up to me?”
He was about to ask her how, when he caught the hidden meaning and grinned, widely. Oh yes. He would.
—————————————
A few hours of rowdy lovemaking, one telepathic bond, and a mug of tea later, Rose sat on his lap, on the jumpseat, wearing only his shirt and a pair of knickers and socks. He was honestly up for round four, at this point, nuzzling into her neck and repeating his promise to never do that type of prank again.
“I, The Doctor, do solemnly swear…”
“I, The Doctor, do solemnly swear…”
“To never again perform a prank that makes people cry…”
“To never again perform a prank that makes people cry…”
“Or to act like such a penisgoblin about it….”
“Or to act like su– such a what? A penis what?”
“Ahem.”
“Or to act like such a penisgoblin abou— really, Rose, a penisgoblin? What even is a penis goblin?”
“Doctor….”
“….Or to act like such a penisgoblin about it….”
“Forever and ever and ever, the end.”
“Forever and ever and ever, I love you Rose Tyler, the end.”
She giggled, and nuzzled him. “Forgiven.”
He sighed in relief. “I just didn’t know what sort of prank would be funny– ”
A redhead in a wedding dress appeared, and began flipping out.
“Apparently…. neither does the Tardis….” Rose murmured, blinking as the redhead threw her jacket across the room.
