the moon, a star, the mountain, a tree. moments of solitude but at the same time - great immersion in the world. witnessing the most beautiful dawns in my life. feeling of being an irreplaceable part of this beautiful world. i’ve never thought that my december would ever smell as mountains rosemary. or taste of fresh oranges secretly taken from neighbors orchard. i stopped believing i would ever find a bit of crazy courage to cut my hair really short. but here i am, giving scissors to anyone who finds it funny to cut hair. here i am, all of the sudden holding my thumb up in the middle of romania, by some countryside road. with no fear, no questions, no doubts, just trusting the kindness of people. here i am, just living with a family, helping to build their dream house, taking shower under the stars, getting rid of my self-pity, daring to be happy without any guilt. here i am, cantering on a horseback surrounded by orange and olive trees. here i am, happy as a little child to be asked to take a horse back to his paddock. here i am, crying looking into the horses’ eyes. here i am, all scared, hugging the same horse who is crying. here i am, meditating, sleeping and eating together with 40 people i don’t know for 10 hours a day, for 10 days in silence. here i am, so grateful for this silence, this fog, these spiderwebs. here i am, singing my childhood songs with people from another continent. here i am, not ashamed anymore to ask for help. here i am, meeting myself a few years ago. astonished how little in common we have. here i am, meeting childhood friends i’ve never seen before. here i am, in the rain, in the middle of the night, in a city i’ve never been before, happy and full of life, wishing to stop the moment, knowing it’s already slowly drifting away. here i am, stricken by the simple beauty of my dearest companion moon and calmness of the dawn. which is also drifting away. you only suffer as long as you want. the phrase kept spinning in my head while meditating. tears on my cheeks, my hands reaching out. we have so much light inside, there’s so much compassion we deserve but don’t dare to accept. don’t be afraid to be happy. we deserve love not only when sad or suffering. embrace your old friends sadness and fear for the last time and let them go. you’ll find new ones: shining eyes, singing heart, dreams, courage, freedom.
