How to Differentiate Between Love and Friendship
You've been close friends with a member of the opposite sex for a while, and it has never been a problem. Until now. Suddenly, you're starting to doubt your feelings or to feel something new, and you can't help but ask yourself: is it love or friendship? Maybe other people have hinted that you and your friend are really in love. Maybe you've started to suspect that something is up when you got all jealous about your friend's new girlfriend. Whatever your reason for coming here, it's time to dig deep and figure out how you and your friend really feel about each other.
Part 1: Analyzing What You Feel
If you're just friends, then you feel genuinely happy if your friend is dating someone. This one is a dead giveaway. When your "friend" tells you he's met someone new, and that this person may be the one, or just that this person is so amazing that you just have to drop everything and meet her, what is your first response? If you're truly happy for your friend and can't wait to meet the special person in his life, then you may be just friends.
- Do your friend's significant others always like you a lot? If so, then this may also mean you're just friends. If they like you, then they don't see you as a threat.
If you're in love, then you find a reason to never be happy with your friend's significant other. Have you found that every significant other your friend has ever introduced to you has been too stupid, ugly, cocky, annoying, frivolous, or just plain not good enough for him? Do you find yourself fighting feelings of jealously, even if your friend clearly doesn't like that new person so much? If so, then you may be falling in love. Of course you don't think anyone is good enough for your friend--except you, that is.
- Think about it: does your friend just have a track record for dating horrible people? Or is it something more?
If you're just friends, then you feel 100% comfortable around your friend at all times. This is a sign of a true friend. Someone you can hang out with when you're recovering from a cold and sound like an asthmatic old man. Someone you can see without makeup--or without showering. A person you can burp or even fart in front of without apologizing. This may sound slightly gross, but it's true. Do you feel like this around your friend? If so, then you may be just friends.
-Of course, when you find true love, you may eventually feel 100% comfortable around that person, too. But the courtship phase will most likely be filled with nervousness and uncertainty.
If you're in love, then your friend may make you feel a little nervous. If you're starting to really like your friend, then you may suddenly find yourself stuttering in the middle of normal conversation, or feeling like you swallowed a rock when you see your friend from across the room. This is perfectly normal. If you find yourself doubting what to say, wondering if you look stupid, or just feeling jittery and not completely like yourself, then it means that you may not be completely comfortable with your friend anymore...because you're falling in love.
-If you find yourself suddenly caring how you looked or "came off' in front of your friend, then you may really be falling in love.
If you're just friends, then you can go a few days without talking and you don't care. If you're just friends and you both fall off the radar for a few days, then it shouldn't keep you up at night. If you're not wondering what your friend is up to, wishing he was there, or worrying about whether or not he's safe, then you're probably friends. Friends, even good friends, can be out of touch for a few days or even a few weeks without worryingtoo much about what's going on, unless they're used to hanging out every single day.
-This doesn't mean that you may not be a little hurt if you completely don't hear from your friend when you're used to talking a lot. But you shouldn't care that much.
If you're in love, then you're always wondering what your friend is up to. If you're in love, then you can't go more than a few hours without thinking about your so-called friend. Even if you saw each other earlier that day or the day before, you may already be thinking about what you're going to do together next, what your friend is doing, or who he or she is or is not meeting. If you're in love, then there's no such thing as "out of sight, out of mind."
If you're just friends, then you feel cool with each other--there's never any drama. If you and your friend are really just friends, then in general, you will probably experience little to no drama. Opposite sex friendships tend to be like that. After all, isn't that the benefit of being friends with someone of a different gender? You won't have to deal with the usual bickering and squabbling that most girls who are best friends have to deal with, and that's just fine.
If you're in love, then you may fight or frequently get mad at each other--just like people who are dating. Do you find yourself in epically-long fights? Lots of tears, name calling, passive aggressiveness, and general bickering? Do you often storm out of the room when you're hanging out? If so, then you may have been bitten by the love bug. How else could you care so much about how another person makes you feel?
-If you feel like your fights are long, passionate, and deep, then yeah, you may be more than just typical friends.
If you're just friends, then you don't care too much about how your friend acts. Sure, your friend may not be perfect, but you tend not to worry too much if he or she rolls with the wrong crowd, drinks too much, or just gets him or herself into a stupid situation. You'll care somewhat because you're good friends, but you won't go out of your way to try to make your friend change, or to discuss every little thing that you disapprove of. You're just friends, and you recognize that the other person isn't perfect, just like you.
-Friends tend to take each other at face value. They don't generally try to change each other unless one person is engaging in harmful behavior because they aren't in a relationship and don't have to make every little thing work.
If you're in love, then you're very overprotective of your friend. Do you get worried when your "friend" goes away for a long weekend in the mountains? Do you get nervous when you see your friend hanging out with the wrong crowd? Do you feel jittery if your friend is engaging in generally reckless or stupid behavior that can lead to a broken heart or a broken bone? It's okay to be worried for any friend, but if you feel an overwhelming sense of protectiveness over your friend no matter what he or she does, then you may be falling in love.
-Of course, you may just be feeling like an older sister looking out for a younger brother, or an older brother looking out for a younger sister. But it could be something more...
Part 2: Analyzing What You Do Together
If you're just friends, then you and your friend split up on date nights. Has Friday or Saturday night rolled around? If so, then it may be common for you and your friend to take a night off or two from hanging out so you can spend some time going on dates.Sure, you can hang out with a big group on one or both of those nights, but as a generally rule, you don't stay in together on a Friday night--there are too many other things going on.
If you're in love, then you and your friend regularly hang out on typical "date" nights. If you're really in love, then you may have been going on dates for months, or even longer, without realizing it. Do you try to look nice, get picked up promptly, and go to the movies, a nice dinner, a concert, or other date-like events with the person who is supposedly just your friend? You may have been dating for a long time without even realizing it.
-Think about it. Why would you choose to spend Friday night in or Saturday night out with your best friend instead of all of the other dating options out there?
-Who pays for the "non-dates"? Does the guy always pay? If so, it's even more of a sign that you are dating.'
If you're in love, then you've started to care about your looks before you see your friend. Have you suddenly spent much more time grooming, looking in the mirror, or being generally unhappy with your outfit before you go and see your friend? If so, then it's because you're starting to wonder if your friend sees you in a romantic light. Why else would you put on a brand new outfit before seeing your friend, check your face or makeup in the mirror five thousand times when you hang out, or generally feel like you should look a little bit nicer around your friend?
-Have you found that your friend has started to compliment your looks more? Does it make you blush, or just feel like it's perfectly normal? If you're blushing, then it may be because you feel your friend has romantic intentions.
If you're just friends, then you can hang out with your friend and his significant other and it's no big deal. If you really don't like your friend, then you can feel totally comfortable around his significant other and it never feels weird or like he or she is just waiting for you to leave. The feeling should be mutual--the significant other should also feel comfortable around you because you aren't seen as a threat.
If you're in love, then you can't hang out with your friend and his love interest. It goes without saying that you can't hang out with your friend when he or she is with his or her significant other, or with his or her significant other and his or her friends, because it just wouldn't feel right. Maybe you take turns: he or she sees you one night, and the significant other the next...sound a little weird? It may be. It may feel like your friend is dating the significant other and you.
-Maybe you've never thought about it before. But if you're really just friends, why do you feel so awkward if you run into your friend and his significant other?
If you're just friends, then everyone around you understands your relationship. Maybe you really have been life long buddies since the 4th grade and everybody understands how you work. Though feelings change, if everyone around you gets what the score is and there's no awkwardness or constant questions or second guessing, then hey, maybe you really just are friends. Sometimes the people around you can pick up on things faster than you can, and if there's nothing to pick up on, then maybe you really are just friends.
If you're in love...then maybe most of your closest friends and family members have asked about it. Though this doesn't necessarily mean you're in love, if every person on the planet has come up to you and asked what the deal is with you and your friend, then maybe something really is up. This is more than just your mother's wishful thinking--if everyone in your orbit can see your chemistry and really knows how much you like each other, then there may be some truth to their words.
-It's true: people can completely misread the situation. But the more people who think something is up, the more likely they are to be right, in this case.
-Think about how you respond when you're asked these questions. Do you just roll your eyes and brush these people off, or do you blush and get really defensive whenever the question of your supposed "love" comes up?
If you're just friends, then you can leave town for a few days without checking in. This is a sign of true friendship. You know you're both fine and don't have to call, text, or see each other every five seconds just to feel connected. If you're friends only, then waiting a few days to make contact should be no big deal, unless something important is up. What's your communication style?
If you're in love, then you have to talk to each other at least once a day. Do you have to text your friend as soon as you wake up, call him during your lunch break, or eat at least one meal together or you go insane? Sure, you may just be really, really close friends, but it's more likely that you're wanting something more. If you can't seem to do anything without calling your friend and need him or her to make you feel whole, and it's more than in just a "friend" way, then you may be falling in love.
-Think about how you feel when the phone rings and you know it's your "friend" calling.
