#tinyhousewrites

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Davika Hoorne for L'Officiel Thailand June 2022

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Samuel Larsen by Nikki Marie Cardiello

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(pull) — to pull my muse into your muse’s arms to cuddle (Linds and Joel)

This had to be what an existential crisis felt like. There was simply no other explanation for the way her heart raced at the thought of her quickly approaching birthday. Lindsey hated birthdays, had hated them since she’d been a young child. On tv, birthdays led to special moments usually spent with loved ones; in the Gallagher’s world, birthdays were a time to show off.

“No, there’s no need to have it catered, Mother,” she said into the phone. She’d been on the phone with her mother for the last half hour and the conversation had been less than productive. Much of it had consisted of her mother making over the top suggestions while Lindsey shot them down. She’ll planned to spend the evening quietly, but Mother had called, plans already made.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” Lindsey interjected. She rolled her eyes. If mother could see her, she’d scold her for the action. “Why don’t we discuss this at a later date? I was just heading out for a meeting.”

Without waiting for her mother to respond, she hit the end button with one perfectly manicured finger. “Sorry,” Linds sighed as she set her cell phone face down on the granite island that sat in the center of her kitchen area, gaze finally coming to rest on the man who’d been standing off to the side, patiently waiting as she argued with her mother. “It doesn’t matter how many times I say that this isn’t what I want…”

Linds ran a hand through her hair. She was agitated — a feeling that typically accompanied conversations with her parents. She watched as Joel pushed off the wall, gaze tracking his progress as he made his way over to her. “It’s okay,” he replied, voice pitched low.“We can skip it if you’d like.”

It was a simple offer, completely in line with what Lindsey wanted, what she’d said she’d wanted, and though it was ridiculous and implausible, a flood of emotion washed over it. With a small laugh, she reached out looping one finger through the belt hook on his pants, and giving it a gentle tug, grateful when Joel closed the small distance between them. Lindsey wrapped her arms around his waist, body flush against his, and spoke into the space just below his Adam’s apple — a spot she’d come to know intimately, “we can’t but it’s a nice thought.”

She didn’t give voice to the hundreds of things she was thinking — that his offer had touched a secret part of her that yearned to be valued, that she hadn’t realized how much it meant to her to know that he’d listened and was willing to risk her parents’ anger to fulfill her wishes. That she was almost sure she’d fallen in love with him in that moment. Instead, she rested her head against his chest and hoped that he could read the words in her silence.

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🖤 + Edgar and Liv

SEND ‘🖤 + PAIRING’ FOR ME TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

1) my muse’s initial impression of yours: spoiled princess. you know this. because of the circumstances of their initial meeting, edgar had preconceived notions about who liv was. she quickly dispelled them, but his first impression was definitely that she was the typical spoiled airheaded model. 2) my muse’s favorite physical attribute of yours: i can’t say glasses since that’s not technically a physical attribute, so i’ll have to go with: her lips. edgar seriously loves his wife’s lips. we’ve talked about how he thinks about kissing her when they’re arguing and who can blame him for being fixated really. 3) my muse’s favorite personality attribute of yours: she’s a fighter. livvy is so unexpected. edgar really expected her to be the stereotype he imagined, but she’s so much more. he lost half his heart in that bar fight and the other when she defended him from his father. edgar has always protected himself. the only other person who has ever tried to defend him against xavier is alex, so to have someone who isn’t blood related, who didn’t grow up knowing xavier’s cruelty, actually look that man in the eye without flinching and tell him how wrong he is for making his son feel worthless? how could he not love her? now he gets the honor of watching that fierce fighter become a mother which has made her even fiercer and edgar has no hope of getting his heart back.  4) a moment that made my muse realize how much they care about yours: edgar’s a bit slow on the upkeep. so he went through a process -- realizing that he didn’t hate her, that he valued her as a friend, that he didn’t absolutely abhor the idea of being married to her and having her in his space. it took him forever to realize he was in love and we all know how that made him react. liv realized she was in love when amelie was born and honestly, edgar realized he really cared about her, Liv, as a person -- outside of the fact that she was the mother of his child -- around the same time: when she went into labor early and all of their carefully laid plans went up in smoke. he had to face the idea that he could potentially lose his wife or his daughter or both and the idea of raising amelie without her made him feel sick. the possibility of losing her at all wasn’t something that he wanted to entertain. 5) something my muse never found the words to say to yours: honestly, something about the way she loves his scar. he’s attempted to joke about it on multiple occasions but the words never actually happen. the scar represents a lot of things to edgar, many of which he doesn’t like to think about  (regardless of the fact that he has to face it in the mirror every day). so, livvy’s careful care of it makes him feel vulnerable and choked up, and he’s not comfortable vocalizing either feeling. 6) something my muse wishes they had never said to yours: lots of things, many of which happened directly after amelie’s birth. mostly, he regrets the way he told her he loved her that very first time. it should’ve been romantic, but instead, he threw it out in the middle of an argument like it was curse and then stormed out like a petulant brat. he thinks he made up for it with the sunflowers, but it’s still one of those things he wishes he could do over. 7) something your muse does that makes mine feel safe: all of the things with xavier are worth noting, but edgar feels most safe when it’s just the two of them. no kids. just edgar and liv, spending quality time together. also when he’s sick and she takes care of him. 8) something your muse does that makes mine smile: she falls asleep when he’s around. it may seem simple but it means the world to him. he knows how much she struggles when it comes to sleep. so the fact that she feels secure enough in his presence to fall asleep makes him feel like a superhero. also she makes macarons whenever he hasn’t been home for a while and she’s thinking of him and that’s damn sweet.  9) something my muse wants to protect yours from: edgar’s aware of liv’s past and the safety issues that have peppered it. he wants to make sure that she always feels as if he can keep her safe and that she knows that he’d die for her. so, he ensures that the house is something of a fortress. it’s for their kiddos, but it’s also so she knows that this is her haven. it’s why they made sure there was a pool installed indoors, and why he doesn’t complain when she rearranges rooms. he wants her to feel as if she has control in their space. 10) ways my muse says ‘i love you’ without saying those words: he reminds her that he promised to take care of her and their kiddos, he makes time for her that’s just liv and edgar time even if that means just sitting together and reading, he has her photo on his desk at work and as his phone’s wallpaper, he always reacts to the photos she sends him even if they’re inappropriate for him to receive while at work, he makes sure she knows that he loves her in glasses, he keeps his hand on the small of her back when they’re at events even though he’s not into PDA, he sends flowers (or entire flower shops when he knows she’s having business meetings with a certain idiot).

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🖤 + Ari and Remington

SEND ‘🖤 + PAIRING’ FOR ME TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

1) my muse’s initial impression of yours: seeing as he was there to have his hair done, she immediately noticed how nice his was and she was excited to be able to play with it, but she also noticed that he was seriously handsome and it made her feel a bit nervous. 2) my muse’s favorite physical attribute of yours: his jawline 3) my muse’s favorite personality attribute of yours: his steady, solid presence (which can sometimes be counterproductive as he’s also very bad at telling her what’s weighing on him,) but remi’s her rock. he grounds her. he makes her feel cared for. he’s empathetic and caring and goes out of his way to ensure that she knows she’s well-loved.  4) a moment that made my muse realize how much they care about yours: the day she decided to go out on a date with him. obviously she’d gotten coffee with him prior to this but she was still thinking of him as a client and then as Genny’s friend, but when she started thinking of him as Remi, a boy who made her smile and who she’d like to date, she knew that she’d already lost a piece of her heart to him.  5) something my muse never found the words to say to yours: “I wish I knew how to help you.” 6) something my muse wishes they had never said to yours: “I wish I could be everything you need.” She was definitely well intentioned when she said it one day when he was in a particularly dark mood because she sensed that their relationship was strained (and honestly, Remi was probably already thinking about ending things with her.) Ari doesn’t regret the sentiment, but she regrets the way she said it, but she fully believes that no single person can be everything to someone else. So, in saying that, she knows that she put a lot of unnecessary pressure on herself and probably ended up inadvertently making him feel guilty. Neither of which reactions were her intention. 7) something your muse does that makes mine feel safe: checks on her car. this has always made her feel safe. but more recently: walks her to and from work. after the robbery, ari has a difficult time feeling safe,  8) something your muse does that makes mine smile: ari’s heart melts any time remi interacts with tiger. he’s so soft and caring when it comes to their little boy.  9) something my muse wants to protect yours from: himself, always. remi is his own worse enemy and ari truly wishes she could help him through the darkness of his own self-doubt and hatred.  10) ways my muse says ‘i love you’ without saying those words: she listens to him, she gives him space to feel his feelings. she tucks into him and binge watches shows on weekends. 

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🖤 + Linds and Joel

SEND ‘🖤 + PAIRING’ FOR ME TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

1) my muse’s initial impression of yours: when they were young, she probably thought: oh look another of felix’s friends in my house; as teens: I will not find my brother’s friend attractive; and now: dammit, why’d he have to become that hot 2) my muse’s favorite physical attribute of yours: she loves his body, okay? yes, he’s got a great smile and it does stupid things to her heart and she could easily say that, but that body? boy oh boy. like he discovered everything she’s ever found attractive and decided to become it. she’s superficial, let her live.  3) my muse’s favorite personality attribute of yours: SO MANY. he makes her laugh. he puts her at ease. he makes her feel valued and seen. linds is so used to feeling out of place in her world, but she never feels like that when she’s with joel. it’s so unexpected that years later, she still has a difficult time believing that he genuinely likes her for her and that he isn’t just coming around because he’s friends with her brother.  4) a moment that made my muse realize how much they care about yours: she knows she cares when the reality of him leaving again makes her grumpy. 5) something my muse never found the words to say to yours: “you make me feel things i’ve never felt before and i’m not sure how to handle that.” 6) something my muse wishes they had never said to yours: linds being linds probably realized she was desperately in love with him, which naturally terrified her bc being in love with Gabriel was awful and here she is falling for another of her brothers’ friends like a damn cliche. Not to mention the fact that he would inevitably leave again because travel is in his soul and she’d be left in love and alone. So, she probably lashed out and said something along the lines of “you’re an idiot if you think i actually love you.”   7) something your muse does that makes mine feel safe: he makes her feel emotionally safe simply by valuing her as a person. that’s something that she’s never experienced before and she’s not ready to process it as yet. physical safety, though, is so much easier to discuss and joel does it just by nature of his size. he’s so much taller than her. he makes her feel fragile and delicate and for a woman who has always had to take care of herself, that’s very thrilling and sexy. she may have to make cuddles a hard and fast non-negotiable because those arms are just too good to waste. 8) something your muse does that makes mine smile: makes fun of felix. she’s always lived in felix’s shadow. everyone has always loved the boys and ignored linds. so linds appreciates that joel is her co-conspirator. it helps that they grew up in the same circles so he understands exactly how unbearable events are. 9) something my muse wants to protect yours from: the way their world makes a person into a monster. joel may’ve been born into their world, but he’s so grounded and different. linds never wants that to change.  10) ways my muse says ‘i love you’ without saying those words: it’ll probably be years before linds says the actual words, but she’ll remind him that she finds him incredibly mouthwatering; she’s intentional about making time to see him when he’s not traveling and carving out time to talk to him when he is, even if the time zones are weird.