(18Trip Translation) Tao Kinouchi Novel: Back to the 99 - Track 5
all novels have spoilers for information about the characters revealed in the main story, proceed with caution!
Souta Gozu
“Tao, what’s up? Are you okay?”
The trio of high schoolers that had passed by had already disappeared into the crowd.
I hadn’t realized that I was clenching my fists tightly and my nails were digging into my skin.
The person standing next to me was neither Goz nor Taiki. It was Chihiro.
Chihiro Natsuyaki.
My new… probably best friend? In this era I’d been thrown into.
“... Hey, Chihiro.”
I thought that maybe it’s time to bring into the light the things I’ve been avoiding and trying not to think about.
So, I spoke up.
“There’s a place I want you to come with me to.”
“... There it is.”
I had Chihiro follow me to a large library.
Here, you can view information about almost every past incident.
It’s been three years since I got into this era. At first, I was just doing my best to survive and didn’t have time to process what had happened to me.
In the depths of my heart, I was filled with resentment, bitterness, and anger towards my parents to the point that I was cursing their existence, but I was also tormented by a violent emptiness.
But after three years here, those exhausting feelings have all worn away.
I was put in prison, and somehow ended up becoming an idol.
It was only after I had a roof over my head and a stable income that I had finally stopped to think that I needed to know what happened in the era I used to belong to.
If I were to be honest, I was always curious.
But I didn’t have the courage to face it.
No matter what I do, it’s all in the past from the perspective of this era.
No matter how much I regret it, I can’t do anything about it.
What if, after I never returned home, my little brother Taiki suffered through a difficult life and died?
And what about Goz?
What if, because I never apologized, Goz was left with regrets…?
How would I recover from that?
But I felt that putting it off any longer would be wrong.
I thought it’d be a good opportunity to face my past now that I have some sudden free time.
With Chihiro’s help, I searched through the library’s old data.
I started by narrowing down my search to 1999.
And what I found was an article about an incident involving the church my parents belonged to.
— “Executives of religious organization “Lumière de Cosmos” arrested under suspicions of murdering their own child”.
I gasped at the headline of one of the newspapers, and Chihiro who was sitting next to me, looked at me anxiously.
“Tao, you okay…? Can you read it? Do you want me to read it for you?”
“... No, I’m alright. I can read it myself.”
I swallowed my nerves and continued reading.
The child mentioned here is me, I think.
And the executives… Is that was my parents were?
As I dug through the newspapers of the time, I found more and more details of the incident.
… The two cult executives are being accused of killing their eldest son (high school student, 17), in a park near their home, and then abandoning the body.
The body is still being accounted for, but the circumstantial evidence is enough to bring charges to the pair—
… The first person to accuse the pair was their youngest son (12). According to his testimony…
“Taiki… You were the one who accused them?”
I ended up whispering to myself.
Just how much courage did that take out of my brother, who was so young at the time?
This incident eventually led to police raids uncovering various fraudulent activities, and the cult was dismantled.
That happened in 2000.
The organization that had tormented me and Taiki for over a dozen years had collapsed and become a thing of the past in just a year.
But what kickstarted everything was Taiki’s accusation.
… He said he would expose everything the cult had done, and he did it.
If Taiki was here, I would say that to him.
I’m not sure if it would be okay to praise him, or be genuinely happy for him.
I imagine Taiki had to make huge sacrifices in order to speak up. At the very least, he had to have completely cut off ties with our parents.
I seriously regret not being able to be by his side at a time like that.
“... Tao, you okay?”
Chihiro asked softly.
I silently nodded my head and, with new-found determination, looked up my little brother’s name.
My heart was beating so hard I thought it would burst out of my chest.
The seconds it took for the search results to show up felt like an hour, two hours, even.
But the search… resulted in nothing.
Obviously, at the time of my murder and the cult’s dismantlement, Taiki was a minor, so his name was never made public. Therefore, none of the articles came up I had just read, and no articles past that time came up, either.
That meant… I didn’t even know if he was still alive or not.
“Obituaries… don’t always show up, do they?”
“... I’ve heard that if the person themself or their family has approved for their data to be viewed, it’d at least show whether they’ve passed away or not.”
Chihiro explained with a rather unsure look on his face.
Then, he leaned a little forward and looked into my eyes.
“He’s alive… I’m sure! Let’s try finding him in some other way. I’ll help, too!”
And then, Chihiro continued:
“If you become a famous idol, your little brother will surely find out! Let’s become famous to the point we appear on national TV every day! I will definitely, absolutely, bring you in front of the cameras, Tao!”
“S-Sure… You kinda sound like a pitcher promising to take me to the Nationals...”
I felt a little comforted by Chihiro’s positive attitude that reminded me of a manga I read long ago.
… Right.
There’s no point in worrying about things I can’t figure out. For now, I know that Taiki accused my parents and that the cult has disappeared.
I’ll try to figure out what happened in Taiki’s life after that.
That’s what I’ve decided in the depths of my heart.
If I become a famous idol, maybe Taiki will find me. I decided to wager on that possibility.
“... Is there anything else you wanna look into?”
Chihiro, who had raised his voice earlier, asked me softly. He looks at me with concern in his eyes.
His kindness is a different kind from Goz’s, I think.
“... Anything else…”
There is one more thing.
I mustered up the courage to place my fingers on the keyboard and type the name in.
The search came back with one result.
— “Souta Gozu: Confirmed dead…”
I closed the computer before I could read the entire headline.
For a moment, all was silent.
Then, I felt like I was punched in the gut.
— Souta Gozu: Confirmed dead
I shivered, I couldn’t feel my fingers.
“... Tao.”
Chihiro’s voice sounded concerned.
I felt as though if I looked at him, I would start crying.
“Oh, yeah. I promised I’d help out at Natsume-san’s shop for a while today.”
As if he could understand how I felt, Chihiro didn’t say anything.
“Sorry, Chihiro, can we go out for lunch next time?”
“Yups, got it. Don’t worry about it~ I’ll go eat at a DZ spot~.” Chihiro said cheerfully, and I took advantage of his reply.
I’m sorry, Chihiro. But I just can’t think of anything else.
The only thing in my head were the words “Souta Gozu. Confirmed dead.”, replaying over and over.
By the time I got out of the library, night had fallen.
… There’s no way it’d just be someone else with the same first and last name. It’s such a rare name.
I thought as I absent-mindedly polished a glass at Ten Nights’ Dreams.
— Goz is dead, isn’t he?
When did he die? How did he die? What kind of life did he live? What was Goz thinking as he was left waiting at our meeting place on the day I disappeared?
I had no way of knowing now.
My hands stopped moving.
No, I have to do my job properly. I thought and quickly picked up the glass again and right then, Natsume-san, the owner, said, “You can leave now.”
“The bartender will be here soon. … Nice, it’s well polished. It’s as beautiful as your heart, Tao.”
“Ahaha… No, I’m just some guy.”
Natsume-san is a generous person, even if I don’t help much, he gives me a part-timer’s pay.
I thought that was bad at first, but I don’t really have a job other than being a Ward Mayor, so I was seriously grateful for this opportunity.
When I changed out of the waiter uniform and stepped outside, I felt a chilly wind.
At night, in this city where neon nights are twinkling, people’s laughter can be heard like distant ripples.
— Goz… If you were still alive…
I wonder if we’d be drinking together?
The thought passed by my mind, even though there’s no point in wondering.
I still can’t process anything.
Not Goz’s death, or my parents’ fate, or anything Taiki did.
I’m glad that I got to find out what happened back then, and that I was able to face it. But at the same time, I don’t know what I should do from now on.
In any case, I have to live in the present of this era.
… I understand that, but the shock of Goz’s death is a feeling I have yet to digest.
“Tao-kun!”
Someone called out to me and I turned around.
It was the bartender, Yunyun-san, running toward me from the bar’s entrance.
“Um, did I forget something?” I asked.
“No, there was something I kept thinking to ask you, and then I saw you here,” Yunyun-san replied laughing, and then stopped in front of me.
He pretty much glared at me, and then whispered:
“Tao-kun, is there a place you want to go back to?”
All I could mutter in response to that question was, “What…”
What do you mean? Go back to, where, exactly? … When exactly?
When I looked up at him, Yunyun-san was smiling brightly.
“Just what I expected from a 20-year-old! Such an honest reaction! That’s exactly what I wanted to see. See ya later, good work today~”
Was that a joke? Or some kind of prank or experiment? I had no idea what Yunyun-san had tried to do.
I felt a tap on my shoulder, and next thing I knew, I was standing alone on the street.
As I started feeling better, I thought I’d apologize to Chihiro when I returned to the dorm.
I don’t want to have to repeat what happened with Goz.
I’ll tell Chihiro, “I’m sorry we couldn’t eat together. Let’s go tomorrow.”
— I have to live life in this era to the fullest, was the thought that came to me.
If I could go back in time, to that last night of June 1999…
I would shake off my parents’ hands and grab Taiki’s. We would run out of the house and go to the park, where Goz would be waiting. And then the three of us would jump.
We would run, and run, and run from the Great King of Terror’s prophecy… And then, I would return to my ordinary daily life.
To those days… with Goz, Kinari and Taiki.
There was no point in thinking about it.
But I still couldn’t shake off this impossible dream of mine.
— I’ll search for Taiki.
I swore to myself.
I’ll search for him. To give back for everything I couldn’t do for him.
To connect the days I spent in the past with the days I’m spending here.
What can I do in order to achieve that?
I slipped through the crowd of the downtown area and found myself in the residential area where the stars are still visible.
There’s no one on board behind me urging me to pedal harder anymore, but still…
Look ahead and keep going, Tao.
I felt like I could hear a voice telling me that from somewhere.
I continued taking one heavy step at a time.
NOTES: (1) Lumière de Cosmos: originally 宇宙(ソラ)ノ光, French-fied to look as culty as possible (2) DZ spot: Basically a photo op spot / spot to take pictures, irl it's called an instagrammable/IG spot, but it's been changed to DZ spot to fit 18trip's dazzle
Novel directory: Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 1 | Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 2 | Tuesday, June 29, 1999 / 3 | Wednesday, June 30, 1999 | Souta Gozu