I feel physically sick. I got home today and my mum was boasting about how she had signed the anti-gay marriage petition. She then says to me "Put your e-mail in so you can vote too," not even bothering to ask if I wanted to do so. I told her no, that I believed gays should have the opportunity to marry, the same as a man and a woman.
And what did she do? She started shouting at me. That homosexual marriage is wrong, unnatural, mocking heterosexual marriage. She said homosexuals are incapable of commitment, from apparently vast experience and knowledge by having one gay friend at university. Oh excuse me very much, but how can she say that? Does she know, has she experienced anything in order to say that?
I'm not saying she's not allowed to have an opinion and she's ultimately wrong blah blah blah... but seriously? That was just complete and utter BS.
Oh and according to her, she can associate herself with gay people, as long as they're two men, but lesbians are, and I quote, "sick, self-centred, bitchy, rapists and disgusting" because someone made an advance on her once at uni. She said "I will slap a lesbian if I ever come across one again." Did I mention I was bisexual? Not to her obviously.
I know my parents can't accept me now. They never will. And that sucks. It's painful to know what she would do if she found out my sexual orientation. After all they say about support in whatever I do, that they care for me, are proud of me... how much can I trust if they're so closed minded?
My dad came and joined in. "Read the bible... man and woman... man and woman..." shouting as to why I was wrong, why I wasn't allowed to believe that because catholic church this, catholic church that... I can't even tell them I'm an atheist. And the religion lectures... personal favourite of my mum's. I'm told practically every week "the devil is trying to corrupt you blah blah blah... demons, killing..." I can't deal with all of this for much longer. I'm going to snap and I really can't afford that if I want to remain in the care of my parents and receive the support and funds to go onto university.
You know what's worse, I really like this girl and I was going to ask her out on Valentine's Day next week. I can't do that now. I can't. Because if she found out, if it developed into anything, I can't let anything happen to this girl. I care about her too much.
I don't know what to do. I've been crying all evening and still have to put on a brave face and act as if everything's fine, like it all meant nothing to me, but it's hard and I'm scared I'm going to do something that I've managed to avoid for well over two months now.
Sorry about this, I just needed to write this down. I can't keep this bottled up much longer.