I’m beginning to realize, thanks to a lovely wonderful human, I’ve never experienced someone truly caring for me with no ulterior motive, no goals, no ones ever looked at me, me, and simply wanted me near. I’ve always been useful. I’ve always made myself useful. Because the people in my life punished me for not being of use. And now. I’m struggling to navigate. How to simply love. How to simply receive love. Without feeling anxious about doing enough to keep receiving that love. And that anxiety. Is hurting. But I’m listening to these songs, thinking about her words. Her actions. And I understand now. I have so much work ahead of me, to heal, to grow. But very simply. This is love without a price tag. This is a love like no love I’ve ever felt. And I owe it to her, to me, to figure out how to truly love and be loved for the first time.
