#to save yourself

[allesevermore-blog]

"You all have a little bit of ‘I want to save the world’ in you, that’s why you’re here, in college. I want you to know that it’s okay if you only save one person, and it’s okay if that person is you."

A teacher I would love to meet

[nyxtales]

To Save Yourself (WIP short story)

This is a short story from the universe of my WIP Awakening of Shadows.  Long story short, I started writing this after the breakup in order to try and come to terms with it.  What really ended up happening was a brief moment of clarity that rolled over into a lot of things.  Here you go!  Let me know what you think.

“No.”

Damian said nothing at first, picking himself up from the ground slowly as he felt his muscles strain to hold his own weight.  The transformation that came out this time left him in the shape of a strange bipedal creature.  It had taken him hours to be able to change back.

And that was after waking up from the blinding rage.

“Dami...I can’t do this.”

He could hear her words.  They processed slowly.  He could feel his back stretch to accommodate the newly grown wings.  They were heavy.  How long has it been since I’ve eaten?  He looked at her with dull amber eyes.

I’m losing you, too, huh...Aurelia?

“You aren’t losing me, Damian,”  Aurelia replied gently, kneeling in front of him.  “But I can’t keep as close to you as I have been.  Not without being corrupted by you.  I know you’re trying to control it, but...I can feel it, Dami.  You aren’t evil.  You aren’t a monster--you’re something special.  And I want you to be happy, to finally find peace.  But I can’t, Dami.  Not like this.”

He could see the tears in her eyes as she spoke.  Her pain was palpable.  Aurelia kept her hands to herself, keeping her wings folded behind her as she held his gaze.  Damian kept his claws on the ground, afraid to reach out to her.  He could feel himself growing hungry.

I’m sorry, Aura.  I keep fighting it, but…

“Dami, don’t apologize.  I know you’re fighting.  Someone like you isn’t just going to give up,” Aurelia told him, reaching out to hold his face.  Damian shook his head, keeping his hair in front of his eyes as he kept his head down.  Tears were dripping onto the floor.  “They’re...black?”

It’s why I’ve kept away from you.  I might not be corrupted, but I am part of it.  I can’t fully control it.  It’s, no, I’m hungry.  The brighter things are….the more I want them.  And you are very bright, dear flower.

“I wish you could see the light I see inside of you,” Aura whispered quietly.  Her shoulders were slumped and her eyes had the luster of tears instead of her usual happiness.

It hurt, knowing she was going to leave. Damian had known for a while now, and instead had tried to delay the inevitable.  But one could only delay something so much, especially when that something had yet to change.  He didn’t know how.

“I know it’s there,” Damian murmured, wincing as he felt blood pool in the back of his throat.  He coughed slightly, wincing as he felt his vocal chords tear more.  But I don’t know how to see it like you do.

“I believe in you,” Aurelia told him, smiling softly.  She reached for him again, but paused when he pulled back.  He met her gaze.  Aurelia could see the way his pupils were constricted out of fear; the way he tried to make himself seem smaller than he was; the way he kept his claws dug into the ground even though he wanted to reach back.  Aurelia wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in close.  “Let me hold you...one last time.  Please,” she said softly when he tried to pull away.  Her words caused him to freeze in place.  

Damian cried.  

For how long, he didn’t know, but he cried.  He sobbed.  He wailed.  He clung to her, memorizing everything he could before the moment was over.  

I don’t want you to leave.  It’s been hard, but...you were there.  I don’t want to do this without you.

Damian did not want to be alone, but he knew he could.  He’d done it before, and he’d do it again.  After all, he was a survivor.  He was the one to end all things and the one to protect.  Aurelia was trying to save herself.

“Damian, please…I can’t watch you destroy yourself.  You have to save yourself.  Please, please,” Aurelia whispered, hugging him tightly. “Do what you must to save yourself.”

Perhaps then…

Maybe…

...I’ll save myself.

[avengedxxaltguy]

Was there ever any question On how much I could take?  You kept feeding me your bullshit Hoping I would break Is there anybody out there?  Is there anyone who cares?  Is there anybody listening? 

Coming Down by Five Finger Death Punch

[keikialoha]

you are your own savior