Discover Top Posts Tagged with #today's magic story...

In This Year’s Magic Story Awards!!!

Yes, the time has finally come! 2018 has come, gone... on and on and on and on... and now it’s finally over! We’ve had a fantastic year of Magic Story, and now’s the time to celebrate it with the highlights!

This year we got :

Rivals of Ixalan stories

Return to Dominaria

Chronicles of Bolas

Unbowed

Guilds of Ravnica

Now, while Children of the Nameless was released this year, I still haven’t finished it yet... yeah, working on that. Been a busy holiday season. It will be mentioned in 2019′s story awards, don’t worry. Besides, there were a lot of highlights this year, so it’d be hard to get a shoe-in! So without further ado--

THE 2018 MAGIC STORY AWARDS

Our first category is

This award goes to lines that were so obvious and blunt you could use them as a hammer. Things that don’t need to be said because of how obvious they are, yet they are. With that in mind, let’s review the runners up:

Tishana asking “Who is in the tower?” after the sky turned pitch black and seeing Kumena pale from blood loss. -- The Arbiter of Law Left Chaos in his Wake; Rivals of Ixalan.

Tae Jin starting telling Atarka, a Dragonlord, a story about dragon killers, and realizing“That isn’t the story I meant to tell.” -- Chronicle of Bolas: Blood and Fire; Core Set 2019

Leighbet realizing that her lab assistant is "A Dimir spy," after missing the shady string pulling, not answering questions, and killing all the test subjects to hide the results. -- Testing the Dark Waters; Guilds of Ravnica

The Gatewatch should not have gone to Amonkhet. -- Return to Dominaria Episodes 1 & 5; Dominaria

And the winner is...!

JACE’S FIRST WORDS UPON SEEING BEEFSLAB -- Wool Over the Eyes; Rivals of Ixalan

“Gideon! I’m not dead!” -- Jace

I was actually going to put Not Going To Amonkhet on there, and it could be a tie, but after writing out my motive I started to realize that Amonkhet had its purpose. No really, think about it. Without going to Amonkhet, Jace wouldn’t have gotten to peer inside Bolas’ mind, which ultimately revealed his endgame location: Ravnica. Without it, Chandra wouldn’t have gone seeking after Jaya Ballard (we’ll get to that) and found Karn along the way. And, most important, Jace wouldn’t have gotten to know Vraska and vice-versa. So yes, while it was a terrible decision resulting in Liliana being bound to Bolas, we still got some important things from it. And really, what else were they to do from Kaladesh?

That’s why I picked Jace Ain’t Dead as the winner of the NO SH*T SHERLOCK award. Because it’s Jace him f*cking self saying it. Of course you ain’t dead, ya dingus.

Our next category,

For when a toddler can come up with a better excuse for spilling grape juice on the white carpet then you did just now. There were quite a few:

"I’m Traveling, I just got here,” Chandra said. -- Chandra pretending not to know about Prossh and Keld. Return to Dominaria, Episode 8

“Hey, I wasn’t that bad. I kind of know what I want. Sort of, sometimes.” -- Chandra ‘No explanation needed’ Nalaar. Return to Dominaria, Episode 10

Grandmother said, “The fledglings must have killed him.” -- Yasova ‘How was I a Khan for as long as I was’ Dragonclaw.

"No! I'm from . . . out of town." -- Huatli, wearing dino-feather armor, in Kaladesh, to Saheeli.

How they got a juvenile brontodon but still a f*cking brontodon onto the ship. -- Unbowed.

And the winner is--

Jhoira and the Unexplained Spark-Spawning Mana Rig! -- Return to Dominaria, Episode 9; Dominaria

Karn leaned forward to look. “It’s your spark?” Teferi’s brow furrowed. “How?” he said. “The Mana Rig.” She held it out to him.

Where do I even begin?

It doesn’t even try to answer anything! She might as well have said “Muffin button!” The mana rig produced powerstones and Thran metal! How it could find a spark -- let alone Teferi’s spark which he supposedly sacrificed -- is beyond me! Did it create a spark? If so, how??? Jhoira doesn’t explain anything here or elsewhere! It wasn’t supposed to do any of the things it supposedly did, and yet here we are with a spark-granting engine!!!

*deep breath* That’s why it’s the 2018 Pathetic Planeswalker Excuse winner. An excuse so inexplicable it transcends the eponymous requirement.

Speaking of inexplicability--

There were several moments which were just... why? Things that didn’t so much as halt the plot as outright reduced its speed to zero in an instant without so much as touching it, stroking its stomach and eating a banana. Moments like--

Something was up. -- Ugin, Chronicle of Bolas: The First Lesson; Core 2019

Grammatically correct, still awkward.

Anyway, I was sleepy. -- Ugin, Chronicle of Bolas: Things Unseen

It’s hard knowing Ugin now ever saying this. I know he was a child, but it was sitll an odd sentence to see woven into all the lore.

“Don’t you want my help, Grandmother?” Baishya asked just as Naiva said, “I’d like to see what the insides of a dragon look like!” -- Chronicle of Bolas: Whispers of Treachery; Core 2019

It’s still an awkward way to put it. You could’ve said, ‘I want to know what it’s like to harvest meat from an apex preditor,’ but now it just sounds like you want to be vored by a dragon which I understand

He’s the most laid-back troll I’ve ever met, probably because he’s constantly taking nibbles from that patch of iridescent mushrooms growing around his armpits. -- Testing the Dark Waters; Guilds of Ravnica

Neat worldbuilding tidbit, but did we really need to know this detail?

And the winner is...!

Blood Money! -- Unbowed Pt. 1; Core 2019

“No. I heard the boy.” Vivien hissed. “What do you expect me to do with his blood?” “I suppose that would depend on the current exchange rate. But I imagine you’d at least be able to finance a new wardrobe.“

This wins not because of awkwardness or uneccesariness, but the depth of the moment. Upon first reading it I didn’t know what to do with this information. First, we get offering blood is a penance, which yeah, vampires. But that it actually converts into currency, that it’s widely used and accepted, and that it’d be enough to purchase a wardrobe... you start to think about the society that’s been built, what these people have to go through, how everyday life is handled with this information, and so on.

It’s a clean winner of the 2018 Non-Sequitor Award.

*sniff sniff* Did I leave the oven on? ‘Cause it’s time for--

There were some surefire smackdowns in this year’s story, and here’s just a few!

Return to Dominaria, Episode 9

“Right, when you yelled in my face and then disappeared. Or was that some other time you yelled in my face and disappeared? It happens so often, all the occasions blend together!” “When I was Mother Luti, you dismissed me as a useless old woman. As Jaya Ballard, suddenly I’m worth listening to.” -- Jaya “I don’t need pyromancy to burn you into the f*cking ground” Ballard

Return to Dominaria, Episode 10

Jhoira adjusted her eyepiece. “You know, Raff, you don’t have a tragic past either.” “That’s because he barely has a past,” Shanna said.

Unbowed, pt 1

"If I were a different woman, a more cynical one, I'd say you were bullying this boy into accepting his lot as livestock and that Luneau, pretty as a fresh-minted coin, is nothing but a glorified abattoir." -- Vivien “You call yourself civilized?” Reid

Glimpse the Far Side of the Sun

“You wouldn’t understand. It will be my duty to tell the victories of my people.” Angrath looked at her over his shoulder. “You need a title to do that? You think like an ant.”

Chronicle of Bolas: Blood and Fire

An irritating flash of thought crackled in his mind with the timbre of Ugin’s voice scolding him: If it is wrong to kill dragons when the humanoids do it, then it is wrong for us to kill our kinfolk. Or did Merrevia Sal die for nothing, Nicol? Was it never about her at all but only about the humiliation you felt at not saving her?

And the winner is...!

Martha Wells -- Return to Dominaria; Dominaria

Let me explain.

While it is unorthodox to have an author and not a character or story moment as a recipient... actually this is the first one so it’s kind of a trend-setter -- but regardless, the best and most numerous burns came from her hand. I present to you, the roasting of Liliana:

“Ex-lovers are more trouble than they’re worth,” Liliana agreed. “They disappear, and don’t tell you where they’re going, and ruin all your plans.” Gideon, who she hadn’t realized was in earshot, said, “I’m sure that’s not what happened. Jace would never—” --Return to Dominaria, Episode 5

Liliana eyed him. “Yes, and personal means it’s none of your business.” Teferi lifted his brows, but said kindly, “Oh, believe me, I’ve had plenty of experience cleaning up past mistakes. And when you spend so much of your life as an immortal Planeswalker, the mistakes tend to be grand in scope. It isn’t possible to erase them, but with effort you can eventually balance your account.” --Return to Dominaria, Episode 6

“Will you and Chandra come with me?” Jace demanded. Liliana frowned. “What about me?” --Return to Dominaria, Episode 9

Tiana had folded her arms, watching with a speculative expression. Now she said, “You’re asking him how he resisted the urge to be selfish.” --Return to Dominaria, Episode 10

Just... goddamn. I couldn’t pick one without picking the others, and thus Martha Wells is the first real person to win a Story Award, and it is for Best Owns and Burns.

But wait! There were some amazing epic story moments! Why aren’t they here? Well, they have a very special award...

For when your moments of awesomeness are just so mindblowingly awesome you grow additional heads and have their minds blown to accurately convey how much your mind has been blown! Moments like--

Chronicle of Bolas: Whispers of Treachery

But our elder brother’s rage flared in a flash of staggeringly bright blue light. The air around us swirled. A strong gust shoved me backward like a blow. When the blinding-white haze faded, Chromium Rhuell in all his draconic magnificence loomed over us, shining like a mirror ablaze with light. His wings were spread wide and the flat crest of his face reflected the sun in my eyes so I could barely see. “I hear what you are doing, Nicol Bolas. You twist words to whatever shape you wish them to make, then twist them again to suit your wishes. You are the least of us, last fallen, not even a whole dragon but only half of one, bound as you are to Ugin. Do not ever again attempt to challenge me or you will regret it.” – Chromium F*cking Rhuell

Bound and Bonded

"No!” he says, his scream like a gargle in his throat. “The machine is mine. Those coins belong to me! You have no claim!” “But we do. You said it yourself. Possession is ninety-nine hundredths of the law.” I grin. Bazda waves at him, sitting atop the coin mill.

But the winner by a mile is, of course...!

JACE MOTHERF*CKING BELEREN!!! -- The Arbiter of Law Left Chaos in his Wake

Jace approached, and the roles shifted, as if players on a stage had passed around their scripts. Where once stood a conqueror there was now a convict. An assistant, now a judge. The Living Guildpact stared at the parun of the Azorius and spoke with the wisdom and earnestness of the Jace Vraska knew well.

"The Living Guildpact maintains balance between the guilds of Ravnica. You, Azor, parun of the Azorius, are an inherent part of Ravnica, and have caused imbalance not just on my home, but on countless other planes."

Vraska stood still and listened. Azor was quivering, cowering like a kitten. He could have fought, could have tackled Jace on the spot, but there was deeper magic at work, a powerful level of hieromancy Vraska could not see or understand that kept the sphinx in check. The evocation of status had halted Azor in his tracks, and he listened with wide round eyes to his sentencing. Jace, meanwhile, did not try to tower over Azor. He did not try to physically dominate or intimidate. His posture was calm and measured, his eye contact constant. This was an act of humility, of accepting something he never asked for.

Jace continued, "Not only did you decide it was your place to govern what was not yours, you also never stopped to consider the consequences of your actions. Ixalan is in peril, Ravnica was built to be unstable after you departed, and countless other worlds have likely suffered from your deliberate intervention. Whatever your intentions were, you did not seek to understand the full ramifications of your choices."

...

Jace continued, a crease on his brow and a grimace in his expression. "Your intentions were noble, but the effect of the Immortal Sun on Ixalan has been catastrophic. You and the Immortal Sun are a danger to the stability of this plane."

A strange haze of blue magic shifted across the sphinx's head, vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.

Jace stepped away, the magic in his eyes gone, and spoke with the authority of the Guildpact. Vraska felt a chill run down her neck as he spoke, and realized for the first time just how much power that position carried.

"You will be the master and caretaker of Useless Island. You will not be able to leave, and you will never meddle in the lives of sentient beings ever again. Leave the Immortal Sun here and depart with your life. As Living Guildpact, that is my decree."

I had to post the exchange in all of it’s unmitigated glory. Azor is brought low by a failsafe to his “perfect” system, which in and of itself is karma and a half. But not only that, he’s prevented from doing what he thinks is his job -- by the product of his job! And the punishment given by Jace here is perfect!

A no-brainer (or given the winner, an all-brainer) winner of the DOVIN F*CKING BAAN Award.

Now while we had some great moments this year, we have to acknowledge the others. Not the good, not the bad, but the downright ugly.

There were moments where we went “WHAT THE HELL???” at what was on the page, physical or web. Before we get to the winner, a few dishonorable mentions:

Bolas using mind magic on Ugin -- Chronicles of Bolas

Twins are always so close. Even when far apart or raised seperately, they still have that intangible connection. So to see that connection outright ignored and to manipulate the very being you came into existence with just to make yourself feel more superior...! I know Bolas is evil and all, but this took it way too far.

That one paragraph about the Boros hierarchy, and, elementals, and lineage-based hiring practices -- Clans and Legions

I did not expect such things about the Boros of all the guilds. Yeah, shunting people aside could be reasonable, but expecting your elementals to burn out in battle? THEY’RE SENTIENT! And to think that the Boros -- known for their zeal and fervor -- would give preferential treatment to certain families??? It’s just mindboggling!

But the winner this year is...

Grimbly Wothis -- Under the Cover of Fog; Guilds of Ravnica

“I’d take it out of your pay, but you’d spend three lifetimes earning back the cost of that whiskey. Then I thought I’d just take it out on your hide, but it seems you do have something of considerable value after all." … "I saw what that child did through the window, the trick with the candles.” … “A child like this is worth something,” Grimbly Wothis says, attempting to pry the baby from my wife’s arms.

Jesus fucking christ on a bike.

This may be the first time in modern magic history/story that we get an outright mention of slavery not tied to a faction. As in a common practice. The fact that Grimbly Wothis is furious does not excuse his actions. You have to be one of the most evil bastards around to have this as your go-to alternative payment method. Sure the Orzhov have debt-bondage, but that’s their thing, and they don’t physically own you and trade you like property. He said “a child like this is worth something,” which implies he knows people who’d buy children, and that he’s willing to do it!

WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK

It wins an award, but by no means a prestigious one.

Okay, I think we all need a pick-me-up after that. So how about some sassafras?

For the moments that weren’t quite Dovin Baan worthy, but still deserved an award:

The thug shrugs. “A little knife like that won’t get you far in a place like this.” “It’s not a knife,” I say. I pop open the leather strap and pull out metal shears. -- Bound and Bonded; Guilds of Ravnica

The balls it takes to pull out a pair of garden shears in a stickup.

Arcades adopted Bolas’ troops, the ones he abandoned. -- Chronicle of Bolas: Perspectives; Core 2019

“You abandoned these? I own these.” -- Arcades, probably

“Ah. Hmm.” His rumble unnerved her as his gaze scanned the formation winding out of sight beyond the curve of the canyon. “His falling body cleaved this canyon. I suppose it’s possible his bones really do lie here.” “Can’t you see the bones?” -- Chronicle of Bolas; Core 2019

The cheek of standing up to an Elder Dragon like this, even after hearing about all he’s done.

Azor putting the Immortal Sun in the floor. -- Rivals of Ixalan.

While we find out later it’s in the roof of his room, it’s still a great initial chuckle.

And the winner is...!

Nicol Bolas! -- Sabotage; Rivals of Ixalan

"Tell me more of this lawbringer," drawled Nicol Bolas as he casually tore off the right arm of the minor functionary he held in his talon. An elf, the leader of whatever-this-place-was and the overseer of who-cares.

As Nicol Bolas used the severed appendage to slap the man repeatedly, he reflected that he should not allow himself to be so easily tempted into savagery by the foolishness of mortals, particularly not when even the slightest use of his telepathic ability would suffice to get the information he needed. Nevertheless, the slaps had the desired effect, dispelling the man's shock long enough to produce an answer. There was a certain feeling of joy Bolas achieved only by punishing stupidity.

This scene in and of itself is glorious, but there’s something else that really puts it over the edge: the fact that Bolas is gigantic. So he rips off a dude’s arm, holds it between two fingers, and then proceedes to flick his wrist in order to slap the dude! Glorious!!!

Aye, Nicol Bolas earns the Masterclass of Sass award! We may hate what you’ve done, but this, this gets a pass.

Now before we get on to the main two awards, there’s one other category that I’d like to bring up, and that is...

For when the best laid plans of mice and men are better than yours. Let’s take a look at what our chuckleheads came up with:

Huatli calling kaiju dinosaurs to her. -- The Arbiter of Law left Chaos in his Wake; Rivals of Ixalan.

And just how did you think this was a good idea? You know your magic doesn’t control them! And even with the Immortal Sun, you admit later that you can’t control the Elder Dinosaurs! How did you think calling six creatures of cataclysmic destruction would end well???

Karn deciding to use the Sylix against New Phyrexia. -- Return to Dominaria; Dominaria

So you looked back on Urza going “Look at all the f*cks I give, causing an Ice Age to end a decades long war, something that BROKE TIME it was so powerful, that ignited Urza’s spark -- you look at that, and then decide “I’m going to use it on an artificial plane to destroy New Phyrexia once and for all -- after having escaped the clutches of phyresis via a deus-ex-machnia elf and Venser sacrificing his life to teleport his heart into you -- and you think you can go back there, set this off, destroy the plane, and have no reprecussions happen to you -- despite the fact that New Phyrexia was started because you tracked oil through the multiverse, so you decide to go back to a source of oil to destroy it? Like... agh!

But what could possibly beat out my own personal bias for New Phyrexia? It’s...!

Vraska’s Plan to Defeat Nicol Bolas -- Sabotage

“He promised me the title of guild leader. Law magic was built into the fabric of Ravnica, even before Azor arrived. The metaphysics of the plane are built around hierarchy, and guild leaders have access to that power, especially when they work together. I’ll accept the position and keep working as his lackey while you do you do your Guildpact thing and work on devising a plan. The dragon won’t suspect anything because I won’t be on your side until you remind me that I am. When you’re ready, and when we can hurt Nicol Bolas the most, return my memories and we’ll set whatever plan you make in motion. Even if he catches on to what you’re doing, he won’t think it will work, because he’ll think I’m loyal to him.” -- Vraska

Now in a vacuum, this is a good plan. However what earns it the award is what we, the audience, know:

Niv Mizzet is not in charge of the Izzet anymore.

Via Kaya, Bolas controls a room where the Guildpact has no authority.

Dovin Baan is there

Dovin Baan is on Bolas’ side

Dovin Baan is granting Bolas emergency powers.

This plan is borked before it even got started! Bolas is holding all the cards! Thats why it wins the Slimefoot Thought It Was A Terrible Idea award.

Speaking of lovable characters, we came across a lot of them, and while our main heroes enjoy the spotlight, it’s quite easy to forget some of the other memorable faces we met along our journey. That’s why we have--

We’ve had so many friends we want to see more of, so let’s remember them now:

The crew of the Belligerent -- Return to Ixalan

Kinda cheating since they were in Ixalan, and they’re a group, but we still look forward to their return in a future set.

Angrath -- Return to Ixalan

So many moments, but he’s here for this line alone: “I WISH YOU ALL A VISCERALLY PAINFUL DEATH!”

Rafwyn Capashen

Raff waved at the empty spot he had left. "Bye, it was nice meeting you. Come again whenever you want to have an inexplicable Planeswalker confrontation in front of total strangers.” Bless you, Rafwyn Capashen

And the winner is

SLIMEFOOT! -- Return to Dominaria

Slimefoot freed an armstalk from the bulk of its body and waved.

-- Return to Dominaria, Episode 10

As if it would be anyone else! We fell immediately in love with their card, and eagerly awaited when/if they’d show up in the story. And when they finally did, our expectations were exceeded! Oh Slimefoot, you brought joy to our lives in the longest year ever, and for that we thank you!

Last, but certainly not least:

For the best of the best of Magic’s Story (in 2018)!

And for this there’s no other entries, nothing else that could possibly top this. 2018′s best Character and Story Arc is,

Vraska and Jace -- The Flood / Sabotage; Rivals of Ixalan

Vraska smiled. “After all this is over … can I show you Tin Street Market back on Ravnica?” Jace returned a sad little smile of his own. “I remember where Tin Street Market is.” “Yes, but … I want to give you a tour. Get some coffee. I know a really good bookstore.” “You like books?” Jace asked, a hopeful, happy look in his eyes. Vraska nodded. “I’ll get a history, you can get some schematics or whatever it is you like to read,” she teased. He laughed. “I like memoirs.” “Really? You like memoirs?” “I like interesting people,” he said with a soft and bashful smile. Vraska smiled. “It’s a date.”

I cried when reading The Flood. I cried when rereading The Flood. Seeing these two grow to know each other -- and Vraska especially despite their past history --is heartwarming. But once she inadvertently knows everything about him from his memory dump, she knows they’re not that much different. And for Jace to still consider her a friend after remembering their history is a testament to the bonds they developed. They are beautiful as friends, and I hope we get to see more sincere, honest, open, heartfelt moments like this in 2019.

... after Bolas is done trashing Ravnica.

Well, what did you think? Did I miss anything? Was there something that deserved a an award as opposed to a mention? Let me know!

And Stay Tuned for Ravnica Allegiance Story! Or barring that, more Children of the Nameless!

#today's magic story...

Trending Tags

Recently Viewed Tags

#today's magic story...