#today's topic:

[bamtese]

BIG AGREE

Queer baiting is not a thing unless there is monetary gain being made and a product is being marketed with the promise of queer representation where there actually is none (ex. Old school brobly (gross), Disney movies promising gay characters, basically the entire CW network, Rainbow capitalism, etc.)

Dream and George (to my knowledge) have never tried to actually make money off of the ship. They've made jokes. They flirt. They hint. They're HUMAN. They're allowed to. It is nobody's business what they do and how they interact. Whether or not a relationship is real/could be real doesn't fucking matter. Humans can interact how humans want and goddammit a healthy, loving, affectionate friendship between two men should be allowed to exist anyway.

And if they do end up together- FUCKING FANTASTIC. It's still no one's business.

There is simply so much gatekeeping on identity it's crazy. That's a whole other thing, but still true.

holy shit i was reading about this topic tonight and do you know the amount of celebrities who have been forced to come out because the other option was getting canceled for "trying to profit off their queer fans"?? it's disgusting.

on the dream and george topic i think it's laughable how the people outside of the fandom have this distorted image of what dream and george actually are. if you knew even a little bit of background you'd know that it's all a fun back and forth dynamic between them and their fans (i'm sure there's people out there who take it seriously, but for the most part? we're all just having fun). and it's SO sad to see those people completely drag their beautiful friendship through the mud almost to the point of devaluating it. just because they're pressed that two guys are clingy and flirt? hello who doesn't flirt with their friends. i tell my friends i'd fuck them all the time.

yes their flirty nature attracts some of their audience. but no, people don't tune in because they expect dream to crash george's bedroom, take his shirt off and slobber all over george's face. also, no, they're not flirty to do us all a favor. they're flirty because they're annoying. (in all seriousness, it's just the way they are with each other because yes, a lot of friendships ARE like that.)

and like you said even if something DOES happen literally no one (no one!!!!!) is entitled to comment on anything regarding their relationship. their feelings are theirs only and only for them to figure out. the second one of them says 'hey im not comfortable with this anymore' we're all fucking out of here. because WE do understand that adults have stuff to figure out sometimes and we respect that.

antis just so desperate to find something strong enough to cancel them for good man :/

[unacaritafeliz]

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[intheheartoftomholland]

#7 Of Many.

Wow, I have not done these in a while. Anyways, today’s late night thoughts are about boybands and specifically, Bangtan Boys. Their recent tour just started tonight and it’s bringing back memories from my One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer days. I absolutely hate hate hate liking boybands because I always feel so emotional and torn apart. I really shouldn’t be comparing BTS to 1D or 5SOS because BTS are so much more in my opinion. 

But my affection for them are all the same. I feel like a wreck and I’m overwhelmed. It’s hard to enjoy liking people who are so successful and have a big fan base. It’s hard that I don’t have friends who like BTS as much as I do, in real life. It’s like I have all these words to say but I can’t say them. And it’s not even just with BTS, it happened with 1D and 5SOS as well. I didn’t have anyone to talk about them with. Sure, I had friends that liked them but it wasn’t the same because I lived and breathed those boybands. My friends were more casual than I was. 

Anyways, my main point is that I remembered why I stopped like bands or boybands to begin with. It makes me sad. It makes me sad that I’m not as fortunate to go to concerts every year to go see them. It makes me sad that I try and support people that have tons of fans and I’m just one person that can easily stop stanning them and they wouldn’t even know. What makes it even worse is that, BTS isn’t a new group. They’ve been out for a while and being a new fan is stressful bc you’re trying to catch up. But for me it feels like I’m running but I can never seem to catch the finish line because the line also keeps moving. 

I remember a couple years ago, crying and heartbroken because I would never seen 1D and Niall Horan would never love me because who am I? I am one small insignificant person who they will never know. 

Now fast forward a couple years and I’m still in the same position, crying and heartbroken because I will never see BTS and Jungkook will never love me because who am I? I am one small insignificant person who they will never know. 

Loving Tom was easier because the fanbase is smaller and the amount of content he releases are more spread out rather than all of it hitting me at once. Honestly, loving actors is so much easier. 

I wish I was one of those people that didn’t obsess over things like celebrities and social media because I feel like life would be easier that way. 

[intheheartoftomholland]

#5 Of Many

Today’s late night though is about last words you say to someone. In July, my grandpa passed away and it was very hard on me because I had not visit him in a long time but I had the opportunity to visit the Philippines in May. I was so happy to see him and the rest of my family because it has been so long since we reunited. Anyways when I got there, he was already in pretty bad shape because he was diagnosed with an illness and he was stuck to a lot of machines. My grandpa was in genuine pain and I had a hard time even looking at him or finding the words to say without bawling.

We could only visit him twice a day for that whole month that we were there and I barely said anything. I mean I knew that I could speak but it hurt knowing he wasn’t able to say anything back because of the tubes. I was just in the room with him sometimes just holding his hand. I struggled not to cry because I was told not to so he doesn’t get upset. Every time I left the room, I bawled. I tried so hard to enjoy my time in the Philippines and I did, but I always had my grandpa in the back of my head. 

Mid June was when we left and we had to say our goodbyes, I went to see my grandpa and he looked genuinely okay. I thought he was going to be okay and I’ll be able to come back soon. I told him that I loved him and we’d be back to see him again. I started crying so hard and I just couldn’t stop myself. I had to leave the room. 

And that guys, was the words I had said to him. I’m glad those are the last words I said to him. He knew how much I loved him and it sucks that he’s gone. 

I brought this to my attention because today we had an assembly at school about how human life can be taken away at any moment and your last words to them will matter. You don’t want to be that person who said some bullshit coming out of their ass. Because you will live with that guilt for the rest of your life. Treat everyone with kindness. Life is hard enough without your fucking ignorant mouth talking shit all the time. 

I also wanted to say for you guys to take the time to tell your family and friends you love them because at any given moment, they’ll be gone and you will miss them. I just think it is so important to never take life for granted.

[intheheartoftomholland]

#4 Of Many.

Today’s late night thought is how much I appreciate my internet friends. Being able to talk to a lot of my mutuals is very touching to me because you all feel like family. I am not the type of person to socialize with people in fandoms because I have always felt out of place. It was as if I was an outsider trying to force myself into a group of people. I kept to myself usually. Sure, I talked to quite a bit of people but it did not feel as if they would be long term friends.

However, being in the Tom Holland fandom was true happiness for me. I love all of you guys so much because you have made me feel welcomed into this community. I have been a fan of Tom Holland for quite a long time. Possibly around March. Anyways but this is the first time I’ve actually been confident enough to make this account and I am so glad I did. I am able to talk to the best people ever. I don’t ever get tired of talking to my friends on Tumblr. 

I love how you’re all supportive and kind. When I do something, you guys give the best feedback and advice. I’m also happy that I get to do that for you guys as well. It just makes me happy to see messages everyday from most of my mutuals. It makes me feel important. 

I don’t care how many followers I get or if I follow “too many” people. I just want to be friends with all the people that stumble upon my blog. Internet friends are the best because they can understand you more than a person in real life can. I love my internet friends and I think all of you are brilliant individuals that are going to make it far in life. I hope you guys are willing to put up with me for many more years to come even if we part ways from this fandom. 

[intheheartoftomholland]

#6 Of Many.

Today’s late night thought is about first love. For me, my first love is for a boy that I have never dated. We’ve only been best friends and that’s so cliche. I fucking hate it. We’ve been friends for five years and I love him so much. We still talk to this day actually and he is fully aware of my feelings for him. I love him so much that I am willing to take his burdens onto me. I am his own personal therapist, but that’s not the thing I am mad about. For five years, I’ve been there for him BUT he’s never been there for me. It’s always about him and that makes me upset. PLUS, he chooses girls that are so toxic for him? And not to sound conceited but I would be a fucking great girlfriend. I’ve always been there for him and yet he doesn’t see that I’m legit probably the best girl he will ever have in his life? 

I stopped talking to him a week and a half ago because he always complains about his girlfriend and I would tell him to break up with her because she’s legit super shitty to him. But he doesn’t, he never listens so I’ve had my breaking point. So I started telling him my feelings. I told him that I didn’t think he was a good friend and he is a negative impact on my life. I also told him I loved him but that really isn’t important. I wanted to cut him out until he gets his shit together. He understood that and backed off like I wanted.

But he recently texted me two days ago telling me he broke up with his girlfriend. I was like okay cool but I don’t believe you because you have an on and off again relationship. I thought this was it though because he seemed sincere that he wanted to change, but guess what? TONIGHT, I FOUND OUT THAT THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER. Wow. Okay and guess what? He wasn’t the one to tell me. I got a follow from a joint Instagram account with the both of them. 

It just hurt that he didn’t tell me. I’m more pissed than I am sad. He’s making these empty promises saying that he won’t bother me anymore about their relationship BUT I KNOW HE WILL. He’s taking advantage of the fact I’m nice. He knows I’ll always give in to him and this time, I don’t want that to happen.

So I left him on read. 

But anyways, first loves suck but it doesn’t mean your last one has to be. 

[intheheartoftomholland]

#1 OF MANY.

I hate being awake really late at night because I start thinking about things that I would never have even thought of in the day. 

Today’s late night thought was that if I met Tom, I would never be good enough for him. I am not the prettiest girl in the world nor am I the most talented. I am so simple, there is nothing about me that is special. And it’s not even just with Tom, it’s with anyone. I just feel so ordinary sometimes and I want to find something that I am good at so I can have an attribute of myself that I am proud of. 

Anyways, back to the topic of Tom. He’s a great guy and I know that I will probably never be with him. I don’t want to be delusional. But there is some part of me that even an ordinary girl like me might have a chance. I mean it is possible, but how possible is it? 

I also think about all the other girls or boys that love Tom or any celebrity that I have ever liked. How do those people feel? Do they feel like me? Like complete shit because I feel so invisible to a person that has no obligation of knowing who I am? I just think about this a lot because I feel so selfish sometimes because I know that there are people who deal with way worse stuff than this. I want to feel like it isn’t the end of the world if this one celebrity didn’t know who I was. 

So um anyways, this was my late night thought. It sounds so stupid, but I wanted to write how I feel. Am I the only one with this problem? I just think that celebrity crushes are the worst because it makes people seem pathetic for loving a person that doesn’t even know they exist. I’ve felt this way for years now. Not just about Tom, but about my previous celebrity crushes. I feel like I take it way too seriously. 

[ask-the-hive-doc]

Sometimes I start thinking too deeply about work stuff and it turns into Cassius head cannons, but they are also weird and personal and I never post them cause I will feel like a crazy person.