#tomyabuser

[ijustwanttobeme]

Changing Things Up

I don't want to be unhappy anymore. This has been a difficult few years. I need put myself and what is good for me first. I hate when people have this expectation, selfish and delusional expectation, that you continue to act in THEIR best interest when they have need given you that courtesy. I'm tired of doing the best for people who drain me. I'm tired and embarrassed by the time and energy that I have allowed to be wasted. Life is precious. I want to enjoy it. I deserve that. Everyone deserves that.

[ijustwanttobeme]

I’m tired of you. How are you gonna leave me sex starved, give little to no affection, talk down to me and then accuse me of cheating and expect me to stay? I have no problem or issue with not cheating but treat me like you want me!! You cannot treat me this way and expect me to stay!! LEAVE! You gonna keep acting like a bitch? Then I may as well date an actual female. At least we have a reason to act unreasonable once a month. You don’t! I’m tired of this. I keep saying. One day I’m gonna be gone and you’re finally gonna realuse the toll your shot has take on us and it will be too late by then. Fuck you. Sincerely, fuck your very much. You won’t even do that, though.

[ijustwanttobeme]

I hate that any time I express myself, I'm wrong. Any opinion I have that differs from yours is an issue. You knew I was an opinionated, independent woman and you liked that but now you don't? I do not need to share your views or opinions, I am my own person and my thoughts and opinions are what make me ME. Maybe you're just too weak to deal with me? Maybe this is why you treat me like shit, to make yourself feel better. Maybe it's the fact that I'm an intelligent woman and it makes you feel inferior so you feel the need to make me feel small. You are a small man, for that. A weak man. A man who's not yet done growing.

[ijustwanttobeme]

I have never had a man who couldn't keep his hands off me. I have never had a man make me feel so undesirable. I have never had to beg for affection. I have never been with a man who's deprived me of sex for this long. Is this what dating in your 30s is like? Or perhaps the flame has really dwindled. I am so sexually frustrated and he doesn't even care. This is so degrading. This whole relationship is killing my self-esteem.

[ijustwanttobeme]

I hate that to him, I'm always the problem. I was happy at first, nice, loving, all about you, moron. You think you can abuse me endlessly and get the same affection? You think that you can treat me like shit and I will just take it and continue to be the same nice, stupid bitch?! It ends, at some point! It isn't all on me. YOU did this! You are full of negativity. You drain every one around you. Your own family warned me. Your BLOOD, told me of your anger issues. It isn't me. It's you and it's gonna continue to be you but by all means, keep pinning everything on me. My misery could not possibly have anything to do with your rotten attitude, how stupid of me to suggest such a thing, you fucking narcissistic psychopath.

[ijustwanttobeme]

Sometimes I just want to drive into oncoming traffic

[ijustwanttobeme]

He witholds affection. Even during sex, he just fucks me, doesn't even kiss me anymore. I don't understand the point of this any more. He makes me feel unwanted, undesirable, ugly, worthless.

[ijustwanttobeme]

Today, I just want to die.

We had a fight last night over nothing. I was hot and was feeling icky and frustrated because all I wanted was to sleep. I got up, drank water and went to shower. Well, that was enough to make him think I was upset because he was online. Why can't men just communicate? Why is it so hard to take my word for it? I ended up crying myself to sleep, thinking all these dark, horrible things, wanting to die and woke up still wanting to die. I don't know how much more I can take. A person can only be strong for so long before they have finally had enough and I'm getting there. I'm too tired to keep going much longer. I just want peace. I'm sorry that I'm so broken, I'm sorry that I'm so full of pain, that is no reason to keep adding onto it. It isn't fair.