emotionally strained chinese bird coparenting yaoi
(lore to come!!)
LORE -
SOON! it's very long so i might just make a separate post sob. but u can find some hints in their og forms
DESIGN NOTES -
as you may have noticed, there are some alternate versions of tongmeng in the background of his...key art...?? the first iteration of him was actually a deaf jp-inspired character :'||
the main insp this cdrama actor whose hair had been living in my brain all this time. i had Nothing for the og snowy owl and ended up losing steam </3
i repurposed a lot of this og concept in roya, in particular "scarred fighter who communicates through sign language" and "slight age gap yaoi with complicated feelings." roya's left cheek scar comes from "takashi," while i gave the nose and chin (and tat) scars to tongmeng. the concept of "guy with intrusive thoughts about being a monster" was further developed and dropped on lobo, whom i STILL haven't talked about but i swear like i swearrrr. tongmeng still has this tho lol
tongmeng's character has been slightly simplified (he's no longer deaf) but now hanfeng has richer lore so it's balanced out :') also these two started out as men, then became women, then became men again. gender hates to see them coming
ETC -
government mandated speedpaint
(you can see tongmeng's original ref in there [wilted rose emoji])
TW: violence, mentions of psychological torture/abuse; some doodles have uncolored blood (will be lighter opacity with large TW sign)
(pasted n edited from a discord blab FHFJF has some dashes to break up text, there are some drawings but they're sparse this is mostly lore)
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there are various tribes of bird people, all descended from birds (some goddess blessed them with human bodies or something). among them, the itinerant raven tribe is seen as evil and demonized as criminals/monsters. there are legends of them killing people and eating their corpses, owing to their ancient ancestors being carrion birds. they traditionally receive tattoos as a coming of age ritual, which unfortunately doesn't help their taboo image.
the snowy owl tribe, meanwhile, is a purist, religious tribe. they claim direct descent from the goddess bc of their white feathers (and the darker flecks represent spatters of the clay used by the goddess to mold the bird people's bodies). they're extremely cruel to the raven tribe (all black = all earthly and un-divine), and in the early times, they would slaughter ravens (resulting in their present nomadic lifestyle and scarce population). nowadays, they tend to imprison ravens under false charges and torture them to their mental limits to catalyze a valid reason for persecution/execution.
tongmeng is a raven who was orphaned at a young age and separated from his nomadic group and thus has been surviving on his own with passable but limited vocab, at age like 16 he's captured by some snowy owls and they're like "hmm you are evil" and put him in basically solitary confinement for two years in a prison.
so by age 18 he has kind of lost his mind which the owls are like yes this fits our narrative yippee!! he's losing his sense of who he is, his tattoos are fading (traditionally he'd have them renewed soon) and he has existed for so long in utter isolation that he thinks all the people of the world are utterly evil. one day he breaks out of his prison during a huge snow storm and flees into the mountains.
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tongmeng is not the only one Going Through It. a few hours before tm's escape, an 18-yr-old snowy owl priest named hanfeng has given birth in secret and abandoned the baby in the mountains to protect his identity and place in the powerful (and evil) temple.
this is horribly traumatizing for hanfeng ofc bc he's been living alone for nine months with only the company of an old priestess who is like a grandma to him and who has taken care of him through his whole ordeal, also he had a totally consensual fling so he's all right in that regard but he obv grows attached to the bab but can't take care of it and is like sobbing and still bleeding from the birth as the old priestess accompanies him into the mountains to abandon it to the elements.
BUT. the snow storm starts immediately after hf returns to the temple, and as he washes up he is overcome with this horrible horrible guilt and runs back into the mountains still drenched from his bath and finds the baby gone, and the temple guards drag him away kicking and screaming (but he can't explain what he's looking for) and also he gets a near-fatal cold. he is forced to stay in bed for the next couple weeks, and the whole time, he is delirious with grief.
it turns out that tongmeng, who was wandering aimlessly through the mountains, had found the baby and picked it up and brought it to a crag in the rocks where he decided he'd protect it. after all, they were both abandoned by the world, so clearly they're meant for each other. he declares the baby his (he is still a child basically as well but at this point his sense of self is pretty warped) and swears to do anything to protect it 😔 you can see where this is going (bad)
the storm dies down, and tongmeng bonds with the baby, whom he names xuehua ("snowflake") after the snowstorm he found her in. he can barely take care of the poor thing. he tries to feed it adult food (stuff he hunts) and when that fails, he risks everything to steal milk from nearby settlements. xuehua fortunately has a strong constitution, and she survives thanks to tongmeng's warmth and earnest, lonely love.
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hanfeng recovers from his illness, and when he finally leaves the temple for the first time in a couple weeks, he learns from the village wardens that the raven they held prisoner is gone (they checked tongmeng's cell after they haven't heard him screaming or crying in a while and found it empty). hanfeng, the temple-raised bigot (and still stressed and grieving), is like. oh my god oh my god oh my god. ravens eat corpses… he offers to lead the temple guards into the mountains to search for the escaped prisoner, wearing his nail guards to gauge out the raven's eyes, then his own if his baby was dead.
after a long time searching, hanfeng and the guards track tongmeng down. he is alarmed and hides xuehua because he believes the snowy owls are evil (except xuehua ofc), and hanfeng goes basically ballistic. he throws himself at the raven and tears the baby away from him. tm fights, but he's skinny and starved and doesn't stand a chance against the guards. he cries, "xuehua! xuehua!" and hanfeng ascertains that this raven named his baby.
enraged, he claws a giant gash into tm's face and starts berating him, and calling him a monster and a kidnapper and he should be dead, all these terrible terrible things. the guards have to physically restrain him and pull him away from tm. tongmeng is very overwhelmed, because not only was hard-won peace and family ruined by these evil snowy owls, but (in his state of mental fragility) he internalizes all of hanfeng's words and believes he really is a monster. he couldn't take good care of xuehua and thus deserves to lose her and suffer forever.
the guards bring tongmeng (unconscious) back to the snowy owl village and say they can execute him since he actually did something evil. hanfeng wants more than anything to say yes, but as he cradles this very stressed baby, he noticed that she is lovingly swaddled in what must have been tongmeng's cloak, well-fed and lovingly bathed and cared for. tongmeng, who had himself been exposed to the elements, was skin and bones and he was covered in wounds trying to protect this child. seeing tongmeng's bloody, tear-stained face and his emaciated body makes hanfeng say "no," and instead sentence him to a life of hard labor.
hf has tm sent to a village of sparrowfolk in a warm river valley, one which has a home for the "mentally disturbed," many of whom do hard labor in nearby villages if able. hf tells the sparrow people to nurse tm back to health as a reward for caring for the baby, but he still must Do Labor For Ever. tm is a mess for a while, but the sparrows are kind and patient and reassure him that what he did wasn't evil, he didn't kidnap the child, he was trying to protect it.
several elderly ravens live in this village and/or the area, and tm is able to reconnect with his cultural roots somewhat, having his tattoos renewed in a delayed ceremony. overall, he becomes cherished by his community and is actually brilliant (when not being tortured??) and learns literature and philosophy from local scholars and elders. despite (or perhaps thanks to) his recovery, tm nurses a deep confused hatred towards the snowy owls for ruining his life--in particular, that snowy owl, with the golden nails who had screamed at him for protecting a baby the world had left behind.
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after leaving tm to the sparrowfolk, hf returns to the snowy owl temple and declares to everyone that he will take on this poor random baby as his ward. he wants to rename her, but for some reason, he can't let go of the name xuehua (which frustrates him deeply). he raises xuehua from the distance of a "master," albeit with the help of the old priestess, who passes away peacefully when xuehua is three.
over the years, despite himself, hanfeng can't stop thinking about tongmeng. he sends letters to the sparrow village, telling tm about xh's growth. she can walk, talk, and likes to ask thousands of questions. she's bright, happy, bubbly, and curious. hanfeng wonders if it's cruel, but he knows that tongmeng has to be thinking abt her.
xuehua is certainly thinking about tongmeng. she notices the button hole on her favorite blanket and ascertains that it was originally a cloak. she asks who the cloak belonged to, and without thinking, hanfeng answers, "your papa." xuehua is excited to learn she has a papa, and hanfeng feels nauseous. why can't he let go of that raven, that boy, who stole her from him? why can't he sever his bond to xuehua?
xh begins wishing every day to see her papa, asking about him and where he lives and what he likes. hanfeng's heart breaks not being able to reveal their biological connection, bc little kids can't keep secrets and xh would certainly get them both cast out of the temple. by this time, hanfeng has risen to the rank of a chief priest of some sort. he is 21 when xh is 3, and is thus very young for his level of influence (i personally would have crashed out a while ago).
tongmeng occasionally returns letters, since he's literate and has free time. hanfeng has secretly lightened his labor (farming and construction) over the years out of remorse. tm's letters create tension between him and hf, because tm refers to xuehua as "my daughter" to irritate hf and barely acknowledges hf in his letters. hf underestimated tm's intelligence (he was bird racist and also didn't meet tm in sound mental health) and kind of assumed tm would owe his life to hf, but tm is just angry.
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when xuehua turns five, she asks to meet her papa for her birthday. hanfeng decides, against himself, to take her to the sparrow village out of love for her and in order to see tongmeng in person, just to see what xh would think of him, too. hf (and his guards) finds tm working in the village, and hf is like .
tongmeng has beefed up and grown taller. when he first sees hf, tm is no longer afraid and reacts only with tense courtesy. hf sees the giant scars on tm's face and body and he feels so guilty. they have a tense reunion. while he doesn't speak much (because he hates hf, who hasn't changed much aside from growing out his hair), tm is eloquent, learned, and has a gentle voice that startles hanfeng in a strange way. his tattoos are striking in their tranquility (raven feathers and peonies).
then hf brings out xh and says, "xuehua, this is your papa." and tm completely melts at the sight of xh and they both burst into tears and run to each other, hugging and kissing while hf stands there feeling completely broken up inside.
tm shows xh around the village, hf just follows them; eventually the sun starts setting and hf says they need to go back. xh is like NOO :(( like the toddler she is and tm also doesn't want to, he glares at hf with so much hatred (and also like has some gratitude for letting him reunite with xh) but he is like. ok sweetheart go back with master hanfeng we'll meet again im sure, i'll be waiting for u 🥺 he's the sweetest to her
but tm never speaks to hf, barely even looks at him except to glare. and hf (who has been thinking about and looking after tm from afar for five years) feels an unexpected pain, alongside his existing pain at seeing his own daughter looking so happy with another father.
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hf brings xh back often, partly to reunite her with her papa and partly to keep observing tm. tm is very courteous and xh wants him to be friends with hf, so he acts friendly with him, almost affectionately. xh sees hf as a father figure (but with "respect but scared" master vibes) and wants her two father figures to get along; but when she's looking away, tm completely ignores hf. hf feels more conflicted and lonely than ever.
one day, hf officially relieves tm of his labor/exile at the village, but he stays because he has grown to love the people there. hf is troubled by his feelings for tm and wants simultaneously to stop thinking about him forever and also to see him all the time. one day, at xh's request (she wants her father figures to get together lowkey), hf invites tm to a peaceful chalet in the mountains for a family sleepover. tm obliges.
that night, tm and hf do simple family things with xh and then they put her to bed. then, tm and hf sit on the doorstep in the light snow in tense silence. tm doesn't initiate convo, and hf is crushed by the utter weight of all the words he wants to say. im sorry? you're welcome? thank you? you ruined my life? you saved it?
the truth is probably better, so just as tongmeng rises to return inside, hanfeng says, "xuehua is my daughter."
tongmeng is surprised. he sits back down in shock, and they stare into the snow again. tears fall down hanfeng's face. tongmeng asks, "who is the mother?" hanfeng says, "i am."
hanfeng completely breaks down, and for a moment, tongmeng is paralyzed with shock--then he takes hanfeng into his arms, and they sit there together thinking, how did we get here? how do we even describe what we are: you kidnapped my daughter but i abandoned her first, we both love her more than anything in the world, we want each other dead and we owe each other our lives...do either of us have a right to happiness (her)?
when hf finally calms down, tm begins talking openly to him, hoping to learn more abt hf's identity out of respect and to understand his relationship with xh better. hf asks about what the snowy owl village had done to tm five years ago, bc he didn't know the full extent. when tm tells him, hf's growing resentment towards the snowy owl temple and clan (who prevented him from being honest abt his identity and raising his own child normally in the first place) begins to intensify.
meanwhile, xh wakes up alone in an unfamiliar place. she and hanfeng cry the same way: they try and fail to hold it in, but never sob. tm and hf return inside a while later, only to find xh terrified and in tears in her blankets. they rush to her and comfort her, apologizing for leaving her alone, and tm encourages hf to reintroduce himself in a way that is true to his identity. hanfeng says, "xuehua…im your papa too."
xuehua is SHOCKED. she assumes that tongfeng were married and had her together, then got divorced, and then got back together!!! she's so happy and falls back asleep with them both holding her. despite tongmeng's touch (or because of it), hanfeng falls asleep too.
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("end" of core story!!)
after this "sleepover," hanfeng begins to catch feelings for tongmeng. he feels guilty and thinks it isn't right after everything he'd put tongmeng through. tm doesn't return these feelings but does partner things with him in front of xuehua (i.e. cuddling and kissing), and as soon as she's asleep/away he's like 🚶♂️ and hf is like ok awesome. emotional repression torture 2 !!!
(then i switch mentally to my modern au where they live in a little apartment together and it (their relationship) is such a mess. will draw them one day trust)
also tongmeng likes helping others, being needed/appreciated, so being a dad means a lot to him. and his dynamic with hf is hanfeng wanting his attention/closeness but being too proud to say it aloud, so tongmeng just does what hf wants to see him happy/less stressed/at peace. eventually he realizes that he just likes seeing hf happy. and is like ah man 🏳️🌈
so hanfeng falls first and harder but tongmeng Does Fall. and xh is like wow i love my two normal dads with a normal relationship!!! tongmeng still bears residual anger against the hanfeng he didn't know. but he knows now that they had wronged and hurt each other kind of equally, so the best they can do now is let the past be the past, and love each other enough to heal the wounds they'd dealt each other, and protect xuehua from any similar pain.
also xuehua calls tongmeng "papa" and hanfeng "papa two" bc hanfeng said "im your papa too" LOL
