So here’s a funny thing. I've been doing this blog for over ten years. I know that, because I know I was writing it before my eldest was born. In fact, 2012 was my tenth anniversary. And yet – and yet – somehow, in my idiocy, I missed it; I totally forgot about it. Despite frequently making a huge deal when I reach milestone numbers – 100th Top Ten, 250th, 500th, with my six hundredth blog going up this autumn unless I die or the world ends - I somehow, catastrophically, comedically, counter-intuitively failed to recognise when I'd actually been doing this for ten whole years.
I mean. You'd have thought the 520th Top Ten would have been a bit of a giveaway, y’know?
So having missed my proper anniversary I've decided to go on the hunt for another. Because doing this for as long as I have is quite an achievement, even if I do say so myself. I write these things every week for an audience of, like, four people maybe. But I enjoy it and it gets the creative juices flowing! And doing it for over a decade, whew. It's quite an undertaking, when I think back to what it was like at the beginning. I remember writing some of those early ones sat at my desk at Granada Studios. There was hardly any blurb, hardly any explanation; it was an exercise in list-making rather than creative writing.
Nowadays it’s more of an effort, in more ways than one; they take longer to write because I write more. But I've also ticked off a hell of a lot of things to make lists on; it’s increasingly difficult to find new things, or new spins on the old things. I make no apologies for going back to the well of Transformers, the MCU, or Xbox games; those are three pretty big things in my pop cultural life. I know barely anyone reads this thing, but I do hope I keep it entertaining and my lists varied and mostly interesting.
So how did this all start anyway? It was definitely the lists rather than the writing. I used to think how, if ever I was a columnist at The Guardian or something, I'd end my weekly column by just doing a random list of ten things. It could be anything; favourite Ninja Turtles villains, favourite BBC2 idents, favourite flavours of ice cream. I do remember distinctly one I thought of was favourite videogame weapons; that was always high up there. And then I got a Tumblr, and I decided – hey! – why not actually do that? Why not just write a list? Do it every week. Originally it was going to be “Friday Top Ten” but I very smartly realised before I even began that tying myself down to getting one of these out every Friday was probably impossible. And so it proved, because I tell ya, there have been a few weeks where it nearly missed Sunday. On the other hand, I don’t think I've ever missed a weekend since this began – with the possible exception of one list appearing on a Bank Holiday Monday. But really, eleven years, a number of holidays, work, kids, Civilization VI – and I've still got one of these out every week. That’s no small feet, as Bart said to Sideshow Bob.
So by my reckoning – which might be wrong – this week is the eleventh anniversary of my first Top Ten blog. And so, in lieu of doing a tenth birthday special, we have eleven. Like Matt Smith or Millie Bobbie Brown. And those guys both rock. Anyway, what we’ve got here is an entirely self-indulgent list of lists: my favourite of my own lists. I think I did this before, in the foggy mists of time, but one of the beauties of my Sisyphean quest to keep putting things in groups of ten every sodding week is that the number of weeks increases and stuff keeps happening in between and old lists are old now and I get to do the same thing but with new stuff. Like how every four years I list my favourite MCU moments. Like how I did Top Christmas Films again, a decade after I first tackled it. Like how many times I've managed to write about Transformers. Like how I accidentally did Best Films of 1999 twice. Like how every four years I list my favourite MCU moments. I get to go back and tweak things and make jokes that some people think are mistakes and not jokes! I get to change my mind and reflect on the passage of time. I get to fill lists with references to shows my kids are watching that, seven or eight years later, I have next to no recollection of.
Bringing us to this: a list of my favourite lists, a window through time. It’s in chronological order, from oldest list to most recent. So kick back and take a trip down memory lane: lines of dialogue, stuff to do with babies, Christmas, Star Wars, and my most popular Top Ten list of all time.
See you in 2032! Or maybe 2033, who knows.
Moments in Spielberg Movies (as Illustrated by a Line of Dialogue): the first ever list I did and already we’re into one of my ongoing preoccupations (Spielberg) and also a recurring “bit”: lists of quotes. Something I’ve tried to do a few times, although it’s not always easy. Not sure I agree with all of these moments; I must have really loved A.I. in 2012, because I barely remember that scene now.
Emotions After Reading About Disney Buying Star Wars: it was a big deal finding out Lucas had sold Star Wars, and that we were going to for-realsies get new films. Of course, there was a good degree of doubt and trepidation too; hence my simple but (if I do say so) rather witty reaction, ending with a cute Star Wars joke.
Things a Christmas Film Must Have to be Called a Christmas Film: my first Christmas writing these Top Tens and as you can see I’m already banging the drum for Die Hard. I like this list because, whilst I think I’d write it better today, using Die Hard as a template to explain what defines a Christmas film – rather than attempting to justify Die Hard as adhering to a Christmas movie template – is quite a nice idea.
Toy Story Questions: an example here of when I do a really deep dive into something largely because I have to watch it a lot with the kids (note the references to Brave and Frozen). So I seriously over-think the Toy Story trilogy (and there were only three back in 2015!) in relatively amusing fashion. I’ve since learned that loads of people ask these same questions. I did another similar list back when Daughter #1 was obsessed with The Snowman.
Gritty Films That Could Become Kids' Show: jumping ahead to 2017 and I attempt to unpick the whole “grim and gritty” motif that often sees ostensibly children’s properties get all serious, usually because their original audience are older now but still want to like the things they liked as kids. So I viewed it in reverse, and adapted some distinctly sweary and violent films so they were suitable for nippers.
TNG Characters With the Best Episodes: nothing too complex in this 2020 list, but I quite like the way I chose to look at The Next Generation; which characters are best served by episodes dedicated to them. Prompted largely, I think, by my realisation that Geordi is a great character but most of “his” episodes were a bit pants.
Characters Who Came Back From the Dead: this was to coincide with Easter 2021, and was an example of a list where, despite being a relatively obvious subject, I didn’t get round to it for ages for some reason. In this case I think it was partly an assumption that I’d already done it! But it’s an amusing topic, and I think relatively well-written.
Violent Moments in Transformers: still in 2021, and one of my recent favourites: listing the goriest moments in Transformers history. I’ve written about Transformers A LOT, often either quite simple lists or bigger, more philosophical things. This splits the difference by having an amusing topic and allowing me to wallow in depictions of rent metal and shredded wiring. But to be honest the thing I love most is the gif I found to illustrate it.
500 Films of my Lifetime: several times over the past eleven years I’ve done really big lists; Top 100 films, Top 100 games, that sort of thing. In those cases it’s really just a ranking job because, well, writing about 100 things would take a while. For my 500th list in 2021 – which I really made a bigger deal about than the tenth anniversary the following year, for whatever reason – I decided to just go utterly crazy and do a Top 500. I think the hardest part was just remembering 500 films that I’d seen without forgetting really obvious ones. Anyway, fun times.
Books That Could Be Muppet Movies: ah, here we are. Around Christmas ’21, inspired by the perennial Muppet Christmas Carol, I had a good long think of what other books could you adapt for the Muppets. They only did Carol and Treasure Island (and Wizard of Oz, sorta), but what else was there? Anyway, for whatever reason this took off. Now, look, nobody reads my blog, I know that; I’m not saying it was an intense viral sensation. But for ages I was getting notifications that someone had liked or reblogged it, and it even spiked a bit again last year.
Moments in the Lost Light Saga: and we return to Transformers, and one of the philosophical ones. But I’ve written so much about More Than Meets the Eye and Lost Light, I had to include it. This recent (December ’22) list highlights my favourite moments, but also tries to go into why this run on the comic meant to so much to me. It was popular and shared relatively widely among TF fans, who are Quite Online at the best of times. But really it’s just a distillation of a terrific comic and a popular thread for my Lists. And it might be more-or-less my final word on it, too.
Well, there we are; the only Top Eleven I think I’ll ever do, so I hope you enjoyed it. We’ll be back to a regular number of items in a Top Ten next week.
This was fun but a little daunting. No wonder I’ve only tried it once before – and back then I only had 52 lists to choose from! But it was hard ditching some of my other favourites; how to tell if someone’s a geek, favourite Starfleet uniforms, useful superpowers for a parent, and arguably the list that inspired the whole thing, favourite videogame weapons (sadly a rather dry, pedestrian ranking compared to some other efforts). But it was good to see the evolution. It's interesting that some of the early ones from the first couple of years have really stuck with me, and there are quite a few from the last couple of years, but the sort of middle period – the 200s and 300s, I guess – fade from memory and didn’t really stand out. I think there are a lot of rather specific things going on there – stuff I was excited for then, stuff that’s less well-written – and maybe they’ve not stood the test of time. Or maybe next time I’m foolish enough to do this, I’ll find something to celebrate from 2016. That’d be impressive.
