Ruined (r.c)
Gif creds: @whumpypepsigal
Inspired by: Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish & Traitor by Olivia Rodrigo (the musician in me mashes these songs together EVERY TIME I listen to them so I couldn’t not base a fic off of parts from them)
Pairing: Rafe Cameron x reader, platonic Topper Thornton x reader
Warnings: Angst (naturally), cursing
———————
I don’t relate to you, I don’t relate to you
Cause I’d never treat me this shitty, you make me hate this city.
“Don’t you get it Y/n?” Rafe spits, his voice malicious and condescending. The patronizing smirk on his face makes my blood turn cold. Every part of me wants to cower under his gaze but I stand tall, refusing to let him win. “You and me? We’re the same.” His words send a wave of fury right through me, tauntingly twisting the imaginary knife that he’d already embedded in my chest.
“We,” I laugh incredulously, gesturing between the two of us, “are not the same. Don’t play it up like you’ve had to deal with anything near the shit that you’ve put me through.”
“The shit that I’ve put you through,” he repeats mockingly, licking his lips as his hand moves to swipe the hair from his face. “Well sweetheart, if I’m so bad, why’d you keep coming back, huh? I’ve allegedly “mistreated you so much” but you’ve always stayed. What does that say about you? You’re so desperate to be needed that every time shit hits the fan, you come crawling back for more because you’re terrified of being alone. You’ve proven to be pathetic and needy in this whole scenario so don’t put all of this shit on me.” His words are all that’s needed to send the knife ripping through me completely, leaving every ounce of pent up emotion pouring out of me uncontrollably until all that’s left is an almost intolerable pain that’s impossible to escape.
“You’re such an asshole,” I snarl, shoving his shoulders so that he’ll back up. My anger brings a round of infuriated, involuntary tears as I glare at him venomously. “Have you ever thought for a single moment that maybe, just maybe, the reason why I’ve put up with all of your shit is because I genuinely think that you deserve to be loved. Maybe I wanted to be the one person that shows you that you don’t have to follow messed up conditions in order to prove that you’re worth loving. Dammit Rafe, have you ever thought about the fact that the reason I’ve stayed for this is because, despite everything we’ve been through, I’ve loved you too much to walk out on you like everyone else has?” My chest heaves as the last of the words roll off of my tongue. My heart beats against my ribcage so ferociously that I’m convinced Rafe can hear it even standing a few feet away. The hard look on his face falters for a brief second, so quickly that it was almost unnoticeable, before hardening again.
“I’m not a charity case, Y/n,” he spits, "This idea that you have about fixing me? I don't want it. I never wanted it. You can take your hero complex about fixing the broken boy elsewhere."
"Rafe, that's not-, what are you saying?" I stutter, baffled by the coldness in his tone.
"God, do I have to spell it out for you?" He laughs, running his hand through his hair. "Don't come crawling back this time, it's pathetic."
I freeze under his heartless glare, trying to utter out anything, wanting to scream at him for being so stupid, for being so cold. He watches my struggle for a moment before his lips curl into a carefree smile and he pushes past me to exit the house without another word.
Cause I don’t talk shit about you on the internet, never told anyone anything bad.
"Have you seen it?" Kelce questions, taking a swig of the drink in his hand as he sits down in between you and Topper. You look at Topper, expecting him to reply but notice the glare he’s sending in Kelce’s way, shaking his head in attempt to get him to keep his mouth shut.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, turning back towards Kelce with a quizzical look on my face. He opens his mouth to speak but Topper quickly cuts in.
“Kelce, don’t,” he interjects in an attempt to keep Kecle quiet which only adds to my confusion.
“No, I want to know,” I state, giving Topper a stern look. “What are you talking about Kelce?” I face him, leaning forward in my chair as he pulls his phone out.
“It’s just Rafe,” he begins, seemingly a little uncomfortable by the inevitable tension at the table. Topper sighs next to me, his arm carelessly thrown across the back of my chair. “He’s been posting all of this stuff about you online and I thought you should know.”
“What kind of stuff?” This is when Kelce freezes, clearly regretting bringing anything up. He glances as Topper as a way of asking for assistance before I roll my eyes in annoyance. “I want to know.”
“Fine, here,” he submits, cautiously handing his phone ever before sinking back into his chair. I curl into my chair, scrolling through countless posts online about me. Each of them consisting of false stories, hateful remarks, and digs on my character. All of which made me sink further and further into myself at how cruel he’s being. It’s only been a week and it seems that Rafe decided not to waste any time when it comes to dragging my name through the mud.
“Okay, I think that’s enough. Thanks Kelce,” Topper cuts in, snagging the phone from my hands to prevent me from getting worked up further. “Are you okay?”
“Why would he do that? The things he’s saying aren’t even true and he’s posted them for the entire island to see if they want to,” I breathe, trying to refrain from crying in front of the boys but my heart aches. Even after the breakup Rafe’s still managing to worsen our relationship, continually twisting the knife in my chest as if breaking my heart wasn’t enough. “I’ve never shared the shit he’s done, the shit he’s put me through over the last year. I’ve always defended him when anyone has tried to dig for information. Yet, he’s spreading all of the dirty laundry when I’m not the one to blame?”
“Rafe’s a jackass Y/n. This is just another shitty way that he’s trying to get under your skin. Everyone on the island knows that he’s deranged, they’re not going to believe anything he says about you,” Topper’s arm rests on my shoulder now, his voice steady and reassuring. Kelce silently nods in agreement, clearly feeling bad for ever bringing anything up.
“I’m sorry, Y/n, I really shouldn’t have brought it up. I know how bad you’re hurt in this situation, but I thought you deserved to know,” Kelce apologizes, a sympathetic look displayed on his face.
“It’s okay Kelce. I’m glad you told me,” I assure him, though my statement isn’t all that true. I would’ve much rather gone without knowing what Rafe is saying about me. The lies that he’s spreading. Especially knowing that even after after everything, I’ve never uttered negative words about him to anyone else.
“Come on Y/n, let’s get you home,” Topper hums, offering his hand as he pushes himself out of his chair. I gladly accept it, allowing him to pull me behind him as we make our way to his car.
Cause that shit’s embarrassing, you were my everything and all you did was make me fuckin’ sad.
The ride back to my house is silent for several minutes. Topper grips the steering wheel tightly, clearly trying to find the right words to say while my mind grapples with the harsh words plastered all over Rafe’s social media. I hug my knees to my chest, a quiet sigh escaping my lips as I stare at the view of Figure Eight passing by.
“Are you okay?” He asks finally, breaking the somber silence and pulling me away from my mind. I glance at him and utter a pathetic smile, keeping in mind that Rafe and Topper used to be joined at the hip. “You don’t have to pretend with me, you know? I was close with Rafe for years, just like you. I know how he operates and I also know that you deserve a hell of a lot better than how he treated you.” An empty sigh leaves my lips just before I spare him a glance, tearing my eyes away from the passing view.
“It’s just embarrassing, Top. I mean, I genuinely love, loved, him. The hurts, the frustrations, the arguments didn’t matter to me because, at the end of the day, I loved the absolute hell out of him. He was my everything and all that he’s ever done is shown me that he’s never deserved to be. I just feel so stupid,” I explain, letting a few stray tears slip from my eyes. Humiliation eats away at me, thinking back to all of the times that I pushed through the bullshit because I loved him. Topper pulls up in front of my house, throwing his keep in park before turning to face me with a serious expression.
“Y/n, look at me,” he breathes, gently tilting my head towards him. “You are a lot of things, but you are not stupid. Rafe is an idiot for not being man enough to see how special you are and how lucky he is that you ever gave him a chance. Don’t let his childish actions and inability to see a good thing when he’s got it change how you perceive yourself. He doesn’t deserve the satisfaction.”
“Thank you, Top,” I state with genuine gratitude. “It’s going to take time, but you’re absolutely right.”
“Of course,” he extends his arms and I gladly accept the hug. “And you know, if you need anything. Don’t hesitate to call, I’ve got you.” I nod in agreement, shooting him a thankful smile before exiting the car to make the short trek up to my house.
—
You betrayed me, and I know that you’ll never feel sorry, for the way I hurt.
Days pass and I find myself glued to my phone, my eyes scanning over the plethora of digs towards me placed on the internet. Each post hurting me further, a simple reminder of the ways in which Rafe had willingly betrayed me in our time together.
As I scroll through the comments and the digs, my eyes freeze on a photo he'd posted just hours prior. He's planted confidently on Ward's fancy Yacht, a bottle of his favorite liquor clutched in each hand as he smirks at the camera without a care in the world.
A sad sigh escapes me as the realization sets in that he's truly unaffected by the fact that I'd finally chosen to leave, that he's finally free of the burden our relationship always seemed to be to him.
It's in that moment that I realize just how little he actually cared and how easy it is for him to forget the immense amount of time we'd spent together. He'd never taken time to genuinely apologize for all of the times where he'd lashed out at me while coming down from a high or openly flirted with another girl while I was standing right next to him. That's when the realization that I'd completely given myself away to someone so cruel, to someone who only cared about themself and what they wanted. That I'd wholeheartedly given myself away to a man that simply took my heart and mindlessly stomped on it to show how stupid I was for doing so. That's when the hurt set in that he'd never loved me, and that he'd never feel bad for the way that he treated me while I fell into the trap of completely losing myself in order to love him in the way he expected me to. That's the realization that's tearing me apart now as I sit alone in my room, letting my mind wonder to all of the times that I was so convinced that he loved me too. Letting my mind wander to all of the days in which he'd had me so convinced that I was his everything when all he was truly doing was tearing me apart.
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A/N: Hello babies. I genuinely wasn't going to stop this here originally, but once I actually began writing it, I couldn't correctly finish the fit in a way that I truly wanted. SO, it's a little shorter than expected but I'm going to let myself love it nonetheless.
Taglist: @thelocalpogue @maaybanks @thatsme-johnbookerroutledge @drewstarkey @ssjiara @bluebirdsbluebells @spilledtee @maebanks @poguemackin @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @outerbongs @ilovejjmaybank @marvel-writer @astrydis @bricksatanakinswindow
