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No one knows what I am going through and I really don't want someone to know. I am trying my best to weight everything but nothing comes to life for me. I was stuck. I am like in a quicksand that slowly pulls me down. Feels like I'm a ticking bomb that will explode once I get to my time. My head is heavy because I kept thinking about things. I want to stop it but my head is working with my heart. They are united to show me what should be done. They are telling me that everything is gonna be alright soon. But I know for a fuckin' fact that I am not alright. I don't want to blame anyone because of what is happening to me. Because I deserve it. All of it. I have a lot of questions that I want the answers now but who am i to demand?
I am starting to have an issues with the people around me. I am starting to distant myself to the world. I want to be the best person I could be but now is not the right time for it. Trying to keep up with what is happening. I want to see things in a positive note while I am in this situation but hell it’s easy to say than done. I am in dire need of diversion. But that doesn’t mean I will forget you. That won’t happen to me. I am so into you that I was into a lot of things just to get a hold of you. Instead you choose to leave the battlefield. Nothing left for me but I am not blaming you. I don’t hold grudge on you because everything is my fault. I miss you so bad that I am in the cliff of seeing you now. Even call you just to hear your voice. But i’m fuckin’ scared if what’s gonna happen afterwards. For sure right now you are surrounded by your family and friends to support you on what you are going through. Am I starting now to accept that there is no us?
There was a quote that “IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE SET THEM FREE IF SHE COMES BACK SHE’S YOURS IF NOT SHE NEVER WAS” so you never was mine after all? I keep on convincing myself that our love was true. Yes, it was full of opportunities but is LOVE REALLY NOT ENOUGH?
God please give me a sign if this is the end for the both of us. I am crossing my fingers and hoping it’s not. But she decided already. What to do now? Should I give it a shot and see her one last time?