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I FREAKING KNEW IT
I know I haven’t been keeping up with the TPP 77 days calendar due to college and other stuff, but this is project I’ve been working on for a long time about one of the most hilarious parts of RAS.
So, here you go. I’m sorry in advance for the shitty recording equipment and the fact that I’m not really a singer so this might not be great.
This is a parody of the song Valerie (here’s a link to the Amy Winehouse version and here’s a link to the karaoke version I used)
Lyrics under the read more, since it’s sort of hard to hear in the recording.
aus... (part 2)
[part 1 is right over here]
lost hosts. alternate hosts. n is almost the deuteragonist of black, the bearer of the dark stone, the hero of ideals. what if the mob chose the other hero, and the king of team plasma became the seventh host? n keeps trying to run off during the crowning ceremony because the voices want their adventure. they work alone(ish) and answer to no one. being in charge of a large organisation is so anathema to them that eventually ghetsis lets n run off on his own (supervised, naturally; some of their mad rambling implies that the voices know a little too much about plasma’s true goal)
jimmy, the other hero, cowardly yet a talented trainer, who knows about the voices, and is jealous of n (at first) - ghetsis, who planned on n’s possession but not on what would happen next - the voices, panicking and flailing because they are so off script and have no idea what’s going to happen now - cover and plume, who have been following and manipulating n for a while but really didn’t expect the voices to come to unova - juniper, who thought any host in unova would be under her/the silence’s watch - alder, who has been fighting plasma for a long, long time but knows intimately that the voices cannot be stopped - n himself, who understands so little about the world and honestly believes that pokemon and humans would be better off separate -
reshiram and zekrom, truth and ideals. despite everything, the unova region marches towards its destiny. [no, i don’t know what that is. i haven’t finished white yet]
[that’s the same reason you’re not getting flowery rambling aus for blaze black 2, x, and omega ruby, and why i’m skipping straight to...]
abe’s quest to catch them all has so many points where things could have gone differently. worlds where the voices rescued kakuna or growleerzard or even baba from the pc, and abe never lost the optimism of the early journey. worlds where paras hilton was killed before she became pararekt, worlds where pararekt was boxed with the rest of the sooners and never became the leech king, worlds where the leech king didn’t charge into the glitchhaze to buy abe enough time to let the voices out of the sim. worlds where the sooners struggled through the gyms and the elite four, failing so often but always, always together. worlds where abe lost on a snowy mountaintop, and the voices never found out what the glitches had done to the world outside the sim
a world where jirachi didn’t grant abe’s wish fast enough, and the glitches tore apart the mob before roaring out of the sim and devouring the tppverse. a world where the voices reasoned that growleerzard was making them so much money that they didn’t need to waste time at the battle tent, and wandered off towards erika’s gym
amber and athena, sanae and effie, touhou and moe. the twin worlds are ever linked, and what happens in one, happens in the other. when bb is ripped apart by an angry aya’s razor wind, accio freezes in midstep and flickers out of reality, and when bb resurrects herself, accio reappears and collapses into the tall grass .amber cheers and athena sighs through her mask; it could have been so much worse. if it had been book jesus, or lord wood, or sanae... she’s not sure what she’d do without effie to cheer on the team as they fight the rockets, without butterfree’s speed and sharp wit, or mrs t’s calm, motherly strength. amber sends the shrine maiden with the peculiar red eyes back to the mainland while sanae steels herself to face mima
in the colosseum at the heart of the glitchhaze, antares also sighs in relief. the voices are far from the greatest threat to ‘m, but they are the most tenacious. even in their carefully designed prison world(s) they’ve been poking at the edges, trying to reach moltres’ counterpart, fighting zzazz. if they’d been roused from their boredom, actually considered their hosts and how they got to those timelines... well, that’s irrelevant now. antares shifts his attention to arceus’ duelling lackeys
there are three pokeballs in professor birch’s bag, containing three pokemon. the mudkip and the treecko are completely ordinary (well, by the standards of the wonderland) but the torchic is different. this world is unbalanced and unravelling, and its cornerstones turn up in strange places. groudon may have shattered, may have had almost all of its power sealed away by the fairies, but it is still alive, still able to fight, still knows what’s coming. in one world, nina grabbed its pokeball and threw it out before the voices could stop her - torchic again?! seriously - helix’s pizza breath it has judgement - but in others, they nudged her fingers just a little to the left, made her drop its pokeball and pick another one
a world where nina and ifrit never grew to trust each other and tell their secrets, to combine their missions into one glorious quest to destroy team “aqua” and stop the wonderland from collapsing. a world where nina never connected with any of her pokemon, releasing chanseytuff and revocactus and duskleberg in one of her endless remixes. a world where she left a baby swinub with her uncaring parents, never helping her grow into a new kyogre. a world where rayquaza raced corruption and glitches to fight deoxys, and returned to a hoenn without land or sea
jirachi and zygarde fought each other all over the fragmented timelines and worlds of the post-’m tppverse. what if it was revo, not deku, who lost in the end, who felt their power bleed away as they fell to the depths of the glitchhaze? what if it was revo, not deku, who landed in elf’s world, who grew up as シルバー, who snuck into new bark town to steal an elf and met a magikarp girl that they swore they’d seen somewhere... before... what if it was revo, not deku, who was flooded with memories of their other life, and realised where they were and what they had the chance to do?
would revo take to the role of the voices’ rival with the hamminess and aplomb that deku did? would they help baba like deku did, giving her pep talks and unsubtle hints, fighting missile bomb behind the scenes so she almost never blacked out? certainly they wouldn’t try to find out what was wrong with the voices, why baba only heard them sometimes and could more or less ignore them when she did
when antares entered the goldenrod underground and shot baba back to ilex forest, deku used the last of their power to drag the elf’s world timeline forward until she found herself in mahogany town the day before her gym battle. would revo, who hated the voices, who was more concerned with money and order than adventure and fun, who honestly wished they’d slept for just one more century, who was sick and tired of the struggle long before they died, do the same?
aus... (part 1)
alternate hosts. lost hosts. what if the voices never went back to red, kept xxx? the reset happened so early on, i’m not sure anything would have changed in the voices - was xxx a channeler? could he have connected to the helix the way red did, driven the voices out? would the voices have stayed for crystal? no helix to stop, no business to finish, no reason to stay. arceus cannot stop them leaving Its world like they have ten thousand others. xxx passes into the history books, and the world moves on
but. their entry and exit stirred up the walls of the world. ripples reach out and disturb the sealed gods from their slumber. the fossil gods are alive, and angry, and trying to break out. and this time there are no voices to keep them in check
lost hosts. hosts that never were. the girl that never was. her name was kris, she lived in kanto. her mother was in the cult of helix, and kris drew spirals on her journal. one night she had a bizarre dream, of shoutingfightingcheeringscreaming what is your name? my name is - and she woke up. a world where she finished her answer, where the voices left aj for her. a new host, new pokemon, so, so weak. here in the heart of the cult, could she survive long enough to grow strong, get badges, find out about red?
could she climb mt silver in time?
their names were slasha and t and reid and so many more. what if one of them - any one of them - survived the psychic shock, became the third host? emerald would probably proceed as in canon - ledges wingull aqua magma bill? dome! groudon and kyogre, sootopolis, three days to defeat the elite four - except. girl A. brilliant, passionate, fierce, loud girl A who knew what she was summoning and fought the voices all the way to ever grande. she’s so vital for their character development, and without her... another child driven into madness, as ferociously insane as red or aj
and the others? alice begging her father to stop them, napoleon dying in the swamps of pastoria, aoooo falling into the glitch haze because it’s the one thing they can’t control. jimmy has researched them and doesn’t even try to fight, losing himself, becoming a part of the mob, except he’s left all alone on n’s castle. cly snuffed out before she can defeat ghetsis
alice wants to fill a pokedex with accurate information, and bill fully supports her. does she want to get her starter from him or from oak? she thinks. in one world, she asks to be sent to pallet town, so she can count the differences from a regular pokemon journey. in another, she asks for one from him, because he can make a dex much better than oak can, and she already knows all his pokemon, can she take the swablu? bill expects her to be chomping at the bit the next morning, so when it’s half past nine and she still hasn’t come downstairs he goes to see what’s wrong. he finds her in the lantern room, attempting to walk into the light, ankle obviously broken, limbs flailing, purple poisoning her eyes
four hours later, he’s finally managed to tie her down. in the basement labs he desperately flips through everything he knows about the voices, while they keep switching between demands to let them out, threats about what they’ll do to him if he doesn’t, and cries to please them go, papa, what’s happening? all to the background noise of dome’s mocking laughter. the randomiser whirls on, and the world slowly fails
napoleon was a victim of circumstance, more than anything. seconds spent losing battles, working through ledge mazes, hiding in the swamp, frozen as cyrus’ latest distortion took hold, they all added up until it was too late to stop giratina. but - a few hours not staring at a sneasel, a lucky run through the duskull maze, a turn that leads him away from the game corner and towards galactic’s hearthome lair, and napoleon doesn’t run out of time. he becomes champion, buys a house in the battle frontier, spends his days joking with pearl and reasurring joanna and casually taking over sinnoh. the fossil gods are left in the pc, ghetsis is stopped by the voices or by interpol or by alice, and the silence was never founded, never recruited lysandre or created a digital replica of kanto. it’s a different future, but arguably a better one
at least, until red finds az’s weapon
a world where 4 figured out the rockets’ plan and kenya wasn’t leech seeded to death outside the blackthorn city gym. aoooo is much happier, certainly, and definitely more powerful (kenya becomes the second mon in tpp history to hit level 100). she roars her way through the elite four, and then kanto, and then the elite four again because m4 was awesome but she wasn’t a legendary with an ability that covered her biggest weakness. aoooo charges up mt silver with kenya, trumprava, treesus, the oracle, sunslash, and the winter bronzonger
because this aoooo never ran into a lost and terrified cranidos on the path to violet city, wasn’t tracked down by his twin in the depths of victory road. she saw helix in the grasslands near viridian, but felt no real inclination to catch him despite the voices’ pleas. she never developed a connection to the fossil gods. she first hears about amber’s plan from sabrina, who describes it as ‘they literally want to destroy the world’ and ‘alice just wants to adjust it a little’. one thing doesn’t change; on the peak of mt silver, after she defeats alice, aoooo closes her eyes and thinks hard before making her choice
[this way to part 2]
i probably had something to say here but i really can’t remember it right now
so instead i’m just gonna remind you all about the blood moon for the 24629896th time. don’t miss it
sweet baby helix on a bicycle i freaking love fauxhawks
i just wish they weren’t impossible to draw
so i read trurandomness' thing and now i can't shake the image of sail and jaw being SUPER HYPE for a kalosian host and trying to get them the best pokemon with their dimension crossing powers only they disagree on what the best team would be so they keep trading each other's mon out and loudly arguing in the middle of the night. d gets used to their team changing during battle, having a deerling mid-jumpkick suddenly glow and change to yet another omanyte using tackle the voices think it's hilarious. they shout random requests at the twins ('GET A SMOGON BIRD' 'NO GET US A SHINY ENTEI' 'GET AIPOM J' 'GET KIRLIA') and hoard the omanyte. the entire team changes every hour. it's the most fun they've had in years three days in, deku shows up. they think this is great but alas and alack they have to keep the voices vaguely near task. they chase jaw off with a metaphysical broom; sail is a bit more tenacious but with assistance from root they eventually manage to get her away from d. the voices grumble, but deku's right, they have to stop team flare. d is relieved that the insane part of their journey is over a month later, the newly crowned and de-possessed champion of kalos wakes up to a mountain of pokeballs at the foot of their bed. at the top is a note. 'congratulations! you're the fastest host ever, and people wanted to give you presents! - lord sail' 'i was the one who found the shiny breeding farm - jaw' 'open the pokeballs outside - o. a.' d would be very fulfilled if they never saw a pokemon again, but shauna insists they at least open the balls. d picks the most ordinary pokeball they can see, and throws it out in their front garden a massive shiny kyogre materialises and crashes to the ground, crushing d's azaleas. like clockwork, the rain starts d stares at it for a full minute, fedora slowly getting soggier, before throwing up their hands and walking back into their house
I did not think this would happen today but I guess everything worked out perfectly and I got one of d’s mons into the hall of fame on X day. I was just going to do a real quick E4 run tonight but I got to Diantha and managed to beat her on the first try (damn Kalos is too easy). And so here we go! GGO R H R is in the hall of fame!
(Also I’m ready to battle, twitch-plays-pokemon! Champion vs. champion, let’s go for it!)
