#treatyo'self

[tulipsunflower]

Patiently waiting to meet my valentine... 👀❤️

But until then, I'll be my own valentine and treat myself 🌹 😍

[thegaybeany]

"Treat yo' self" Sunday people!

Today the mission is to do something for yourself that you wouldn't normally do. Fuck it, eat a whole cake if you want. Or go get some ice-cream. Sleep in till 5 in the afternoon. Just treat yourself kids. And tell me what you did, on anon o otherwise! (PS, I'm doing this thing now so...yeah))

[guysonguysandsometimesgirls]

Treat Yo'self: Vol. 1

Before we embark on this powerful journey of self-empowerment...first you must complete some pre-article summer reading watching. You're welcome. But don't thank me just yet. Upgrade yourself by introducing yourself to the Treat Yo'self movement...

If you liked the appetizer, venture a peak at the next vid for the radical application the Treat Yo'self method.

Now that you're an enhanced version of yourself one minute ago, let's forge on.  It's a tough concept to grasp, but every now and then (and more frequently for some...like eryday) you gotta TREAT YO'SELF! It's a common practice amongst socialites, beautiful people, richkidsofinstagram, athletes, and other members of the 1%.  But with the invention of Internet sites like Groupon and Living Social coupled with the innate and purposeful bi-weekly neglect of your checking account, it's much easier to pamper and please yourself.  Now, treating yourself is about instant satisfaction, there be no long term savings plans, investments, nor college fund planning for unborn children resting on the conscience of your Treat Yo'self alter ego.  It's completely self-involved, evanescent at times, and you probably will regret it until the next paycheck- like a hangover that lasts for weeks.  But just do it anyway.

So, now that you're sold on Treating Yo'self, we're gonna try to enlighten you to the different avenues of self pampering. What follows is a testimonial, a recent dip into the Treat Yo'self pool of luxury from Yo's Truly.

Treat Yo'self Testimonial

This past weekend, the gf and I reenacted the Great Westward movement of the old United States.  We undertook an excruciating journey West - to a land unfamiliar to most, where safety and civilization don't exist. We went to the spa at the Ihilani Resort.  The hotel was shut down for exterior renovations - it was a ghost town. A luxury resort of a ghost town- but still.

We got our Travel Zoo deal on and enjoyed a Thalasso therapy hot tub marathon and a good ol fashion rub down.  Firstly, there's nothing better than getting to do something with your partner and also simultaneously doing nothing, exerting no effort. You both are paralyzed by comfort. It's a win-win.  And, fellas, while enjoy the separate men's facilities (Roman pool, sauna, steam room), Sunday football was miraculously playing within eye-shot of the Roman pool.   Furthermore, the facility was well stocked with Acai Tea -  so I could restock my anti-Os - apples -so i could look at apples - and plush robes - so i could cuddle with myself.  Secondary to the massage, plush robes are always the bright spot of my day.  If you've ever treated yo'self to a nice plush robe, you know that when you make skin-to-plush contact, your giblets blush. It's heaven.

Down to Business

First on the menu was the Thalasso therapy session.  By definition, Thalasso therapy is a seawater therapy believed to rejuvenate your body with the natural elements of the sea.  But this place took Thalasso therapy to the next level.  Sea water is pumped into a private room, in the center of which is a next level hot tub.  Jets of pulsing air and salt water are strategically placed and programmed to mimic a massage chair.  Imagine, an expensive Sharper Image (R.I.P) massage chair, minus gravity + salt.  Oh, and there's a psychadellic neon light to get you in the mood.  

WARNING: FEMALES, if you choose to undergo hydro Thalasso therapy, you will get bubble raped.  That’s just something you choose to do or put up with.  To each, her own.  BROS: Be warned.  The bubbles passing over man parts can cause even the strongest of dudes to strike up a conversation with your inner manhood, an internal discussion with yourself, a general sense of confusion.  Don’t be shocked by the frequent, “whoa, what was that?” or periodic “purrs” that may escape your mouth.  The bubbles, the jets, the pinpoint accuracy of moving water all up in and around the orifices – it brings about generally confusing feelings.  A strange experience that’s never happened nor will it probably ever happen again.  Tuck that one away.  On the flip side, it can really punish your man parts if you’re not sitting correctly.  So if you don’t want to be flushed, nor hydro meat tenderized, I recommend not falling asleep. Not that I did...or enjoyed it..at all. Ok, it tickled a little.

If that's not illustrative enough, imagine George Castanza’s situation (YouTube clip of the aftermath of getting a male massage therapist [with Spanish subtitles]). Blend that together with a sensual hot tub robot…it gets complicated!

The rest of the spa day was spent in a couple's room.  Just your normal run of the mill rub down.  Although, the gf's female massage therapist grunted like a gypsy.  I feared for her safety and continued to fear comfortably, immobile receiving my own soothing massage (sans grunts).

And such is life...when you pay good money for it. People, this won't be the first time I say it: your credit card is a wizard's wand of opulence and can buy happiness for a day. Most days of the month keep it sheathed, but on those certain days when your world needs it most, use it for good and wield it with drastic irresponsibility.

- T. Rexy