"Then, everything he was... everything he knew... is lost." -Sarek
We have been on a Star Trek bender here since the new movie came out. With Apple TV we’ve been able to watch the 1967 episode “Space Seed,” then The Wrath of Kahn and tonight The Search for Spock.
In the first few scenes of the latter, Sarek comes to Kirk and upon venturing into his mind, finds that Spock did not leave his entire wealth of knowledge, his entire soul, his entire being, with his friend…
And he says, dejectedly, “Then everything he was… everything he knew… is lost.”
And there I was on the couch, tears welling up, embarrassed, tired of crying in front of people…
But at the same time… I was struck by the timeliness. After what I had just written this evening—remembering N’s words, his wit, his mirth, his intelligence…
Then here in this movie tonight, the idea that one’s mind could be preserved, one’s essence could be saved and allowed to continue.
How many times I have thought about this option since that fateful day N left me…
How many times have I wished for divine intervention, for rebirth, for reincarnation, for some fucking space and time continuum shift? For anything that would allow me to have my husband back.
In any form.
“Everything he was… everything he knew… is lost…”
It’s not just that I lost my husband. Not just that G and P lost their older brother and an octogenarian mother lost her son… it’s that we all lost Nicholas.
There.
His name was Nicholas.
His name was Nicholas. And I want him back.