kel, bemused: a polite young man at the door was just asking if he could throw something away here. and also he liked our car's zelda sticker
me: my god i've set up a mezuzah for nerds

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kel, bemused: a polite young man at the door was just asking if he could throw something away here. and also he liked our car's zelda sticker
me: my god i've set up a mezuzah for nerds
lauren: i remember the very first time i had canada dry
mom: when i was your age i had a terrible acne problem. and i was a huge pervert
me: it's 8am What are you talking about
kel: im taking cats requests
lauren: uhh, stop
me: skimbleshanks
me @ the dog who's dozing off: haha nap pilled tiredmaxxer
my wife: man shut up
@mikecardenmpreg on the phone with her manager: hi i think i left my debit card there--oh you see it great. ok before you put it in my locker can you tell me the security code im trying to rent shrek
me: i haven't even had time to be evil
lauren, emotionally: i have to hear mariah carey every 30 minutes
lauren: you should become a twitch streamer
me: im not annoying enough
lauren: that's not true