Tree Gators and Crickets: Why the South is Dangerous
[4:14:53 PM] Chief Beatabitch: fdka;fa
[4:14:59 PM] Chief Beatabitch: me and my cousin have a joke
[4:15:02 PM] Mal ♍: ?
[4:15:17 PM] Chief Beatabitch: when we go to the beach we usually find tourists gawking over little crabs and stuff
[4:15:25 PM] Chief Beatabitch: you can tell they arent from here basically
[4:15:29 PM] Mal ♍: mhm
[4:15:30 PM] Chief Beatabitch: BUT THIS ONE TIME GOT REALLY BAD
[4:15:35 PM] Chief Beatabitch: we went to the river
[4:15:45 PM] Chief Beatabitch: saw this family gawking over the little fiddler crabs
[4:15:50 PM] Mal ♍: baww
[4:15:51 PM] Chief Beatabitch: and the kid was like "What are they?!"
[4:15:56 PM] Chief Beatabitch: and the dad
[4:16:11 PM] Chief Beatabitch: in the STRONGEST NORTHERN ACCENT I HAVE EVER HEARD
[4:16:20 PM] Chief Beatabitch: "I think they're crickets......YEAH THEY'RE LITTLE CRICKETS."
[4:16:35 PM] Chief Beatabitch: CRICKETS MALZ.
[4:16:47 PM] Mal ♍: DYING
[4:16:51 PM] Mal ♍: SLOWLY
[4:17:08 PM] Chief Beatabitch: So basically we have this joke we like to play
[4:17:19 PM] Chief Beatabitch: in the STRONGEST SOUTHERN ACCENT I CAN MUSTER
[4:18:03 PM] Mal ♍: OHMAN
[4:18:05 PM] Chief Beatabitch: "Y'all best watch out for them tree gators."
"Tree gators?!"
"Ayup. Tree gators. Theys gators but them live in the trees. Come out when it gets humid, kinna like tuh-day. They ain' 'fraid of no humans. Bes' watch out, y'hear?"
[4:18:22 PM] Chief Beatabitch: THAT GUY
[4:18:23 PM] Chief Beatabitch: WAS SO
[4:18:25 PM] Chief Beatabitch: CONFUSED
[4:18:27 PM] Chief Beatabitch: AND SCARED
[4:18:24 PM] Mal ♍: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
[4:18:40 PM] Mal ♍: OHMYFUCKINGCODWHATEVEN
[4:18:53 PM] Chief Beatabitch: I DIED
[4:19:01 PM] Chief Beatabitch: HE WALKED AWAY AND WAS CALLING HIS KID BACK FROM THE WOODS
[4:19:10 PM] Chief Beatabitch: I HAD TO TRY AND KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE
[4:19:20 PM] Chief Beatabitch: SO I STOICALLY WALKED AWAY IN ALL MY MISUNDERSTOOD SOUTHERN WISDOM
[4:19:26 PM] Mal ♍: FHSRHDRTHDTYFTYUFGHJCGJSFJHDFDYJFTYJFTYJGHMFJKFKUYDTJFGN
[4:19:44 PM] Chief Beatabitch: TREE GATORS MALZ
[4:20:07 PM] Chief Beatabitch: ICING ON THE CAKE: MY GRANDMA HEARD THIS STORY AND BOUGHT A GLITTERY ALLIGATOR CHRISTMAS TREE ORNAMENT
[4:21:09 PM] Mal ♍: SDFGSDFGSGHETYHJFGHMGJHYJKGUYKGHJMVGCBNCFGHSRFXGDFGDHTHRTHDGFNCFGNCXFGXJXGFHDFTJDFGMHMBCMFGN