Hello Lovelies~
Apologies for the scrap paper this is printed on, the place has finally been dried out but we’re making do with what we can. The clinic is managing to offer treatment and ointment available to take home for those of you still dealing with skin issues. Do take a second and see the back of this issue where we have a list of those still missing. If you saw any of those listed please do inform the sheriff’s office.
Now with all that dreadful news out of the way I was sent in quite the news updates. Recently at the Sasquatch, Giovanni Rossi was spotted storming in and yelling at Tricky Gallagher. It was confirmed by Tricky that he had slept with Giovanni’s much younger sister, Giulia Rossi, which made the elder Rossi angry enough to punch him not only once but twice. Thankfully, other bar patrons separated them. Keep that in mind to any other suitors trying to romance Giulia—her brother packs quite the punch!
Now as much I love being the voice to fill you all in, my hands are in fact redder than a freshly boiled lobster, so just this once I’m going to let you all fill the town in using your own words.
Love, Auntie G ~
“So like people know the drama is supposed to be just on stage right? Like I saw the writer, Edgar right? I saw him and some guy like screaming at each other. Think his name is Christian? Like damn guys save the drama for the show, you know? Then like Joey Albright and Jordan Young were super in each other’s faces. Like really thought they were finally gonna make out, the sexual tension was like…tense. I don’t know I’m buying a ticket just to see if they can make it through the whole show.” - ShakespearWasaHack648
“Hey so can we just get any kind of private show from the performers at Sammie’s? Saw Syd or uh Candice, taking some fancy looking guy to one of the back rooms. How much that cost?” - SplendaDaddy69
“So like do the rangers do background checks…like at all? I saw one of em, the one with the busted leg like just grab a woman and have her near tears. Flashed a badge but last I checked he ain’t a cop here. Like poor lady, some friend of his also came over to harass her. Thought I was gonna have to grab security, but guy just seems unhinged.” -Justwantedtodancewithsomebody
“Man how bad is my love life if even Draven Bowers can get a girl? Saw him making out with Leia Tolentino in between some of the booths.” - Anon (M22)
“Totally saw Noah Kasprak eat shit after talking with Amber Ryan, not sure what she said to him. Never seen a guy go sheet white like that then pass out. Seemed pretty happy with her once he came to? I don’t know maybe they’re having a kid now? Congrats to them, hope the other Ryans don’t flay him alive.” - Anon (F25)
“Getting some serious whiplash from Nico Garcia. Wasn’t dude over the moon about being a dad or whatever? Guy looks like he’s having a crisis being that high, surprised he didn’t get swept away during everything.” - ISwearIt’sOregano420