I'm watching this new show called The Pitt. It stars Noah Wyle and is the spiritual successor to ER. Much less soap opera and no doctors getting amputated and smashed by helicopters.
It was like he was cursed by some sort of aviation witch.
The Pitt traps you in the emergency room so it feels almost like a play. It takes place in real time during one shift. They show how they have to give adequate patient care despite having a few minutes to diagnose and treat people in life or death situations. You rarely have a second to catch your breath.
Real life doctors have said it is quite accurate. And it definitely resembles my experiences as a patient.
As much as I like the show it is hard to watch at times. I've had some pretty unpleasant experiences in the ER. Both when my health failed and when my parents got sick.
There was a story about a caregiver being overwhelmed as she took care of her elderly parent. And there are a couple of stories about people who they were able to stabilize and keep alive, but the doctors knew the patient would still die.
The doctors would talk to the family and try to prepare them for a bad outcome. The TV doctors did a pretty good job of downplaying hope when appropriate. And it reminded me of how poorly the real life doctors prepared me for my mom's death.
She was in the ICU for over a month. She kept getting worse and worse and at every stage the doctors would tell me how they were going to treat her. And I would ask if she could recover and they always gave me hope that she would. I would ask what her quality of life would be like once she got better. I was preparing for how I would take care of her. They would say it would be a difficult recovery. She would need rehab and nurse visits and breathing equipment. They gave me hope that she could get through this.
But they all knew she was going to die almost from the very beginning. They knew she was previously treated with an immunosuppressant and at her advanced age, she had no chance.
Because it was the height of COVID, doctors were being quickly rotated in and out of the ICU. I never got to speak to the same doctor twice. And all I can figure is they wanted to pass the buck to the next doctor. Perhaps they didn't want to tell another family member someone they loved was going to die.
But... that's part of the job.
And it really felt like cowardice when I look back.
About 4 weeks in, a doctor had been discussing putting my mom on a ventilator. He told me she could survive. I still had hope. My dad still had hope.
Then I called one night and there was no doctor available. I got a nurse. She sounded stressed and tired. She was very blunt. I found her offputting and even a little mean. Everyone up until that point had affected their voice with sympathy.
She was like, "Hang on, let me look at her chart." And after a long pause... "Are you seriously putting her on a ventilator?"
"Yes, they said that was the next step."
"And they told you what that involved?"
"They said it could save her."
"Oh, honey. No. She's gone. They should have talked to you about this."
"They said she had a chance."
"Look, I'm sorry to tell you this. Your mom is in a medically induced coma. If she wakes up after being on a ventilator, she will be in unimaginable pain, only to die soon after. It will be a waking nightmare and she will have no quality of life whatsoever. Don't do this to her."
I was initially upset with how direct and unfeeling she seemed. But now I see her as an angel of mercy—for my mom and myself. Her tone was upsetting at the time but if she had been gentle and softened the prognosis, I might have gone through with the ventilator.
My mom's heart gave out a few days later. The nurse had prepared me for it and greatly reduced the shock. I had time to accept the reality and she prevented me from possibly putting my mom in a lot of pain. I wish I had a way to thank her. But I have no idea who she was.
There is a nurse on The Pitt who essentially runs the entire emergency department. A real battleaxe of a woman who tells it like it is while simultaneously taking care of everyone. Tough as nails but a truly good person at heart. Basically the ER mom.
Her tone in the show reminds me so much of the nurse who broke the tough news to me. It's scary how similar they sound and act. And every time I see her onscreen I am just reminded how thankful I am that courageous people like this exist in real life.
I love nurses. Doctors have saved my life, but nurses got me through it. When I was in an embarrassing medical predicament, they acted like everything was normal. When I nearly died of sepsis, they helped calm my fear. When I had a gaping gross-as-heck hole in my back, they warned me not to look at it for a while.
And a nurse helped my mom pass in her sleep with dignity.
