Amp-leaf-ication - Platonic DLAMPR
Trigger warning: Sympathetic!Slimey Boi & Trash Goblin
Words: 1,966
“Patton,” Logan began evenly, “what is that?”
“You know!” Patton finished attaching the final sprig of mistletoe to the ceiling with a bright grin. He stumbled on his way off the ladder and giggled nervously. “You’re smart like that!”
Virgil eyed the plant wearily from his spot on the couch before throwing his hands in the air. “Nope, I’m done. I’m going to bed for a few weeks. Goodbye.”
“No, Virgil!” The fatherly Side gently grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away. “These are gonna mean something different!” He clapped his hands and jumped for joy. “I made a few changes to the rules this year!”
“What changes?” he asked.
“If two people get caught under the mistletoe, they have to tickle each other until one of them falls down!” Patton looked innocent on the surface, but on the inside he was cackling madly. He was a genius. “They’re all over the house, and you-“
Roman poked his head in. “Someone say mistletoe?”
“You want us to engage in a childish tickle fight instead of the normal tradition of kissing the other person during the holiday season...for what purpose?” Logan crossed his arms. “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“You don’t need to understand things to have fun!” Patton put on his best puppydog eyes and fluttered his eyelashes cutely. “Please?”
He huffed, shaking his head. “I will not be participating.” He turned on his heel to leave.
“I put mistletoe in the doorway to your room!”
Logan slowly turned back around. “You’re evil. I’m sleeping on the couch.”
“Spoilsport.” Roman immediately ran underneath the sprig and smirked. “Who shall challenge me to a battle to the death?”
“Meeeeeeeee!” Patton threw himself at the prince, latching onto his sides and squeezing rapidly.
“Is thahahahat all you got?” he choked out through his deep chuckles. He began tickling Patton’s neck and threw him into giggles as well as the two of them fought to get the upper hand. “Surrender!”
Virgil blushed and turned away while Logan just shook his head.
---
Nothing ended up happening for the next few hours. Patton and Roman had called a tie when they both fell over at the same time, and things were quiet once again. Everyone was on guard.
Oh wait, Virgil was underneath the mistletoe in the kitchen. He wasn’t even doing anything, he was just standing there as if he were waiting for something.
Roman hummed to himself, making his way over to the cabinet to grab a jar of Crofter’s from Logan’s secret stash behind the coffee beans that he had found completely on accident. After getting his jar and a spoon he went to leave before seeing his favorite emo practically asking for it. He slowly set the jam on the counter for safe-keeping and tiptoed over. “Boo,” he whispered.
“Eee!” Virgil squealed partially out of surprise but also because he may or may not have adorably sensitive ears. “I hate you!”
“Do you?” he cooed. “Look up.”
He followed to where his finger pointed and his eyes widened. “N-no. I was never here, got it? You can’t-“
“I can and I shall!” Roman’s hands dove underneath his shirt to tickle his bare stomach with no mercy. “Coochie coochie coo!”
“SHIT!” Virgil immediately burst into bright cackles, legs wobbling. “PRIHIHIHIHINCEY! NOHOHOHOHOHO!”
He smiled fondly and nodded. “Princey, yes! I am slaying the emo dragon with my bare hands! I don’t even have to use my sword!” A few pokes to his belly button finally sent him to the ground, tears pricking in his eyes. “Victory!”
“Ihihihihi hahahate yohohohohou.” He covered his torso as he shakily rose to his feet once again.
“Please, like you didn’t love it! You were waiting for it and you didn’t even try to get me back!” Roman pointed out. “Thought I was too much of a fool to notice?”
Virgil’s face turned scarlet as he growled dangerously. “Who said I wouldn’t get you back?”
He stared at him for about five seconds before whispering, “try me, idiot.”
“En garde!” He ignored all protests of cheating thrown at him and sought revenge to the fullest.
---
Logan was bound to slip up eventually, even he knew that. What he didn’t know was that it would happen so soon. He went to his room to grab a book or two only for someone’s arms to wrap around his waist firmly. “Patton.” He didn’t need to look to know.
“Hi!” Patton spun him around to boop his nose. “Boop! Now we gotta follow the rules!”
“Rules?” Then he realized. “No, I forfeit. Remember?”
He shook his head and tsked softly, fingers walking up his sides. “You can’t forfeit this! Just be glad it was me who caught you and not one of the others!”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “Why is that good news? You’re the most ruthless.”
“Awwww! I’m flattered, but you’re forgetting a couple certain someones!” Patton giggled, pointing down the hall. “Our precious outcasts have caught wind of my little game!” Janus shrieked somewhere in the distance as if on cue. “And it looks like one was caught!”
He pressed his lips into a thin line. “That doesn’t change anything.”
“I can always drag Remus in to help me!” He narrowed his eyes dangerously.
“You never said that there could be multiple ticklers in this silly game of yours. That is rule-changing.” Logan stepped forward as if to challenge him.
“I never said there COULDN’T, either!” Patton stepped back despite himself, nervousness pooling in his gut. “Lo? N-new rule, only one ler allowed. Okay?”
He inclined his head in acknowledgement and turned him around to hug him from behind, smirking against his hair. “You truly want to play this game? Fine, I shall oblige and follow your rules.”
“LooooooOHOHOHOHOHO!” He howled, squirming and laughing at the soft kisses and nibbles placed on his reddening ears. “THAHAHAHAHAT’S NOT WHAT I MEHEHEHEHEANT! STAHAHAHAHAP PLEHEHEHEHEHEHEASE!” He couldn’t even throw himself to the floor to save himself from how tightly he was being held and tortured. “I GIHIHIHIHIVE!”
Logan pretended not to hear him, scooping him up bridal-style and walking into the kitchen. “Virgil.”
“Sup.” Virgil was straddling Janus, who was pinned on his stomach and cackling from the horrible back-tickling. “Wanna help?”
“No thank you, I have all I need already.” He was just nuzzling his victim’s neck now, Patton giggling wildly.
“Your loss.” He glanced down at the squirming mess underneath him. “Oh, I forgot you were there.”
---
Operation: Wreck Logan was put into action effective immediately. He may have avoided getting tickled for several days by always being on guard and sleeping in weird hiding places, but his luck was going to run out fast. It wasn’t fair that everyone besides him got tickled to death. Remus had tried where Patton had failed, also ending up beaten. But now he had his reinforcements.
“Foul play!” Logan shouted. An indifferent Virgil came out of the laundry room with the teacher thrown over his shoulder haphazardly and pounding on his back. “I demand that you put me down this instant so I may finish with the clothes!”
Patton, Roman, Janus, and Remus were waiting in the living room with the most evil smiles Virgil had ever seen, making him shiver despite them not being directed towards him. “Special delivery, you guys. Where should I put him?”
“I called dibs!” Remus announced, making grabby hands. “Give him to me, I’ll get him started and the rest of you can join!”
“This is cheating!” Logan cried as he was plucked from his hold. “You said only one tickler!”
Patton giggled behind his hand. “Did I? I’m afraid I don’t remember that!” Janus smirked at him and flicked his tongue, tasting/smelling the blatant lie. “Just sit back and relax, yeah? You’re in good hands.”
He did find himself relaxing despite himself after hearing his tone soften towards him, closing his eyes. “Traitorous, icky hands,” he snarked with no real bite.
“Who are you calling icky, dork? You didn’t seem to find me very icky when you had the nerve to attack me!” Remus grinned evilly. “Speaking of nerves, have you-“
“I’d rather get this over with, if you don’t mind.” Logan had accepted his fate. “Go on.”
“You’re no fun!” He shrugged, untucking his shirt from his pants and motioning first Patton to pull off his shoes and socks, exposing his death spot to the cold air. “Whatever. Where shall I start on you? I’ll let you choose.”
He cleared his throat and glanced away. “I-I have no real preference.”
“You’re taking too long.” Virgil shoved him aside and shot his hands into Logan’s underarms. “I’m all for anticipation, but this is getting ridiculous.”
Remus let out an offended gasp. “You stole my dibs! I’ll get you for that later!” He joined in on the fun and began teasingly counting his ribs slowly, pressing into each bone. “Onnnnnnne! Twooooooo! Threeeeee!”
“Ohohohohoho gohohohod!” Logan shook his head and flushed pink, embarrassed to be letting loose in front of the others like this. “Nohohohoho!”
“No?” Patton rested his fingernails on the sensitive skin underneath his toes, already making him giggle-snort. “Fair is fair, Lo! Don’t act like you don’t deserve every. Single. Bit.” His tone darkened with each word until he was grinning evilly. “Tickle tickle!”
Game over, man.
He screeched and tried to sit up and grab any hands he could reach, only for Janus to lift his arms over his head. “JAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAN!”
“That’s totally my name. You were wrong Patton, this isn’t fun at all,” Janus hissed. “You are absolutely not adorable like thisssssssss.” He summoned the other four arms belonging to him, thinking about how he could use them. He ended up squeezing up and down his sides and vibrating thumbs into the protruding hipbones, sending their favorite nerd into a frenzy. “Do keep thrashing like that, it isn’t hard to hold you.”
Logan didn’t listen (or maybe he couldn’t hear him). “NAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He screamed in laughter and yanked hard on his trapped arms, especially when Roman jumped in to plant a raspberry right on his belly button. Tears were streaming down his cheeks, his face felt like it was on fire, and the whole time he had a huge, genuine smile. It almost hurt, but all he could feel was the tickling. It wasn’t as horrible as he expected, actually. He needed to do this more often. His laugh went silent within seconds and he was only able to wheeze quietly.
“Lo?” Patton poked his hot face. “We stopped, you don’t have to keep laughing!”
Virgil pulled his hood over his head, tightening the strings. “Cute.”
“Whahahahahat?” Logan looked down to see that they had all backed off to leave him in a pile of his remaining giggles, his entire frame shaking. “Cahahahan’t hehehehehelp ihihihit.”
“Hydrate yourself, Dewey Decimated!” Roman conjured a bottle of water and helped raise it to his trembling lips. “That’s good, take small sips. There we go.” He set the bottle next to him to rub his back gently. “Are you going to survive?”
He nodded. “Yehehes, but I must admit I am quite exhausted. I shall retire to my room for the evening.”
“Sure, see you tomorrow!” He waved happily, then turned to the others. “We’re all dead, guys. Start packing.”
---
The war waged on for many more days until Patton took down the mistletoe once December 26th hit, effectively ending the game he had created. However, the plant appeared again only an hour later with no explanation as to how or why. Patton began grilling everyone for information.
“I swear I took it down! You saw me, right? Logan?” He landed on his knees. “Please say you did! I’m going crazy!”
Logan just smiled into his Crofter’s.
