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muted yelling!!! Why can’t I focus!!! I’m usually fine, in fact, I’m superfocused half the time but not now. I just. Do not like Macbeth. Macbeth is lame and I don’t want to write about it. Sorry Shakespeare even though I’m related to you I just can’t do it.
aaaaaahhhhhh I’m crying I hate school I hate this why didn’t I start my homework earlier. It’s so stupid bc Luna had an ocd attack (?) today in school and it really fucked me up bc then I felt like I should have stopped breathing so that she could????? And then I dissociated at lunch and nobody even noticed???? and I just felt so sucky today and I don’t want to study for this AP physics thing tomorrow or the precal thing i just. I want to sleep. And I don’t trust in the least bit that there will be a snow day tomorrow so I HAVE to do it all tonight. And even then I’m only doing the bare minimum. I’m just so sore. My neck and shoulders have hurt and my head has been pounding all day and my heart just feels like it’s imploding because I’m so anxious all the time.
Additionally last night I looked up the differences between adhd and ocd and quite frankly, I could have either. Idk where the hell my anxiety falls on the spectrum but I have bits and pieces of basically all of them and just hhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t want to think about it and I don’t want therapy right now but I do and really I’m just sick of having all my time taken away by school and robotics.
hahaha I tried to start homework and now I have an absolutely splitting headache right at my temples.
I mean I don’t blame myself because I’ve literally been sorting through college stuff for the past couple hours and all morning I was working on robotics stuff. But still. I’m not happy that I have so much work to do and it isn’t even that much it just feels like a lot more than normal???? I feel like that has something to do with the fact that I have two research projects due kind of near each other and I’m trying to stay on top of them so I’m doing alllll this extra work.
oh my god I have. so much homework. it’s goddamn thanksgiving break, and I have more homework than I could EVER finish in five days. I have at minimum, 1 paper to write (but I /should/ be writing three), a painting to complete (but I should also be working on two others), a take home quiz, a presentation, 30 spanish workbook pages, a book and a half of another to read, a workout video to make, and a test to correct. I can’t. oh my god. this is so much. and my grandfather wasted SO MUCH of my time today. he brought me and my sister to lunch, to a freaking botanical garden, and the grocery store. i fucking hate him. and now my dad wants to drag my ass to a fancy steak place for dinner. i dont even have a desk here my routine is so wrong. so so so so so wrong. I can hardly work to begin with I don’t need all this additional shit getting in my way!! I’m sixteen and I have the same workload as my mom!! Who’s actually a surgeon!!! I hate my life!!!
In addition, I’m still fucking sick from last week when I got so little sleep, and I couldn’t even sleep last night because I was so anxious about all this work. I only got 6 hours at most. that’s exactly the same as a normal school night and it’s my fucking break. it’s thanksgiving break and these teachers are killing me.
