#tris feels

[barren-and-trivial-words]

I just realized

As Mark pointed out today in Mark Reads, Tris is the most obviously dangerous of the four, the one whose power most easily lends itself to killing.

But, in The Circle Opens the only one of the four who doesn't kill anyone is Tris.

[oneladydracor]

I keep looking in the mirror. For the first time in ages I'm attracted to the through of the glass for more then mere moments after seeing myself in it. It's amazing what a little ink can do. Mirrors tend to creep me out and I avoid them for a few reasons. I hate myself. I hate the view in mirrors. I hate my response to seeing myself in the mirror. Pick, pick, picking and tearing myself apart. It's amazing what a little ink can do. But looking today after coming back to the house, I see something from Home. Something I relate to very personally. Something I know that I love, and makes me love myself a little more. I keep looking. Will it suddenly disappear? Have I been dreaming this whole thing? It's amazing what a little ink can do. A piece of me that won't be destroyed, that will not be taken away. Can't be stolen from me easily by pickpockets, bullies or people who hate what I am. I'm attached to it so quickly. I can't imagine having waited longer. It's amazing what a little ink can do. I want to cover my body in art that reflects who I am and what I feel, and why I feel that way. With Ink. With Brands. With Scars. With Pens and Markers. With Weather and Nature. I'm amazed at finally touching this canvas with intent and realizing that it's been marked many times before. But this one is deliberate and non harmful. I sought it out. It's amazing what a little ink can do. Even when it's covered I will know it's there. I can touch it, and feel a bit of courage, and hope. I feel right, having my Symbol hang over my heart. To remind me physically once again of Myself, and what I need to be and remember.

It's amazing to me, what a little ink is able to accomplish. In a short time it made a big impression.

[woahtristan]

I once saw a shirt that said "I prefer the drummer"

I did not buy it

Why am I an idiot

[oneladydracor]

Sanguis non facit nos

Blood does not make us. 

I've cried today because of that, and you know...that is okay. It hurts, it hurts like Hell and has made me unhappy, but that is okay. I'm used to it, and in the end things may be okay. If they are...then I'm fine with crying. At least it's passion right? That's what they say. But if it turns out sound, and my Family is okay...then I'm fine with the tears that fall. 

[oneladydracor]

Fairytale-Alexander Rybak

Can I tell you how smitten I am with this song and this guy? (though I like this 2009 Eurovision performance better than the one I'm listening to on repeat.)  His voice, the fact that he plays, and this song in general make me think a lot of things. I'm in the middle of NaNoWriMo but I want to stop and write for this song instead. I want to tell a Tris tale, a Tristory, part one of a Trislogy. (okay that was a stretch) 

[oneladydracor]

I want to be one of Those Persons that people quote from. I want to have written or said something so good that it inspires others, in hopefully a positive Manner.

[oneladydracor]

You ooze that mother bear feeling, and I love that feeling, but I'm always afraid to talk to you more than I do. I love you and all, but you're scary sometimes. And while I do sympathize with you on certain things, sometimes your low lows can frighten me. But I always hope you get better.

I'm glad I give off that feeling, it's what I want to be, but! :'< Don't be afraid to talk to me! I'm actually a bit more of an introvert, so despite how it seems I do have some trouble starting one on one conversations unless there is something that I feel I need to do, normally it's not pleasant either... I'm not rude, I'm just...bad at it, like understanding flirting. (this was an issue a few days ago, that caused me to make a painful choice about a friend.) If you have my skype, it's hard to tell when I'm really on, since I don't actually turn it off at all. I don't always hear it then I miss messages and feel derpy. ><' 

I know I can be Scary sometimes, I apologize for that. I am a Monster though, a Good Monster, but a Monster none the less. Sometimes I have to be scary. The things I Think are not always pretty...Thank you for sympathizing despite the depth I fall to though. When it shows, really shows, it means there really is something wrong. I don't like to burden others though because I feel the compulsion to hide my hurt and love and take care of others. 

I hope I actually do get better too. And I don't mean just hiding it. I've been working on opening up more. *hugs* Thank you, dear Anon.