Don't Say Go.
Chapter 8.
Summary: Soulmates find each other through what is known as The Pull. A sense within a persons body that their soulmate is within reach that guides them to find them. You find yourself following this Pull, guided by vague dreams of a man you can't quite see, until you collapse in the wild and are found by Troy, your soulmate, who has been following the same feeling toward you for days.
Once connected soulmates are able to share emotions through their bond, as well as being able to sense where the other is. But how this force works is very much a mystery still, it can vary from soulmate to soulmate, and just sometimes a connection too deep can lead twist a bond from something beautiful to, well...
Warnings: Dark themes, sexual content, violence, non-graphic description/implications of SA, child abuse and domestic violence. References to addiction. Unhealthy love/obsession/relationships. Soulmate AU. Eventual smut.
The shower in the bunk house was basic and the water luke-warm but to you it felt like heaven. Troy told you the water was limited so not to take all day, to which you’d rather naively asked if he was going to shower too.
You’d seen the redness of his skin spread down his neck and his exposed chest at the top of his shirt.
“I meant after-”
You’d said quickly, then realised you didn’t want him to get the wrong idea again.
“I just mean… I know we’re soulmates and everything but…”
Troy had managed an easy smile and bowed his head toward you in what you’d come to see as a reassuring motion, as if he were trying to make himself physically smaller - a difficult feat since he towered over you.
“I get it. I think it’s probably best we get used to being able to touch hands first before… anything else.”
You smiled shyly, hating the coyness you felt. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t had lovers. You weren’t some blushing virgin.
“You feel it too?” you asked.
Troy took in a long whistling breath through his teeth.
“You mean the way my whole body sets on fire when you touch me?”
You froze as heat coursed through you at the huskiness in his voice . Your heart began to beat as blood pumped dizzyingly fast into every part of your body. You forced yourself to breathe slowly.
Yeah, you knew exactly what he meant.
“Is that normal?” he asked, “I’ve lived on the ranch since I was a kid. Never really learned much about this stuff except for what Jake told me.”
You couldn’t think straight and searched wildly in your head for a change of subject, something to distract you from the way Troy’s eyes were boring into you.
“Is what your father said true? Did your brother’s soulmate die?”
Troy nodded solemnly before finally breaking your gaze, looking at his feet as he kicked at some dry leaves that had blown in.
“And I was an asshole about it too. I didn’t know… I didn’t understand what it felt like.”
“And… what does it feel like? For you?”
Again Troy’s eyes fixed on your face, his blue eyes darkening as he seemed to be looking right into you.
“Like nothing I could have imagined.” he told you. “You?”
Your smiled widened.
“The same.”
The smile on Troy’s face was more reserved, as if it were something he wasn’t quite used to doing in front of people.
“Okay then. I’ll uh, go find us something to eat. There must be leftovers from the canteen. I’ll find you something clean to wear too.”
Your stomach growled embarrassingly loudly and you heard Troy chuckle as he closed the door to the bunk house behind him.
You showered, basking in the warmth of the water and the smell of soup as wondered how many washes it would take for your hair to feel clean again. You ignored the way your skin felt tight over your hips and ribs, allowing you to feel the bones as you rinsed the soap from your body. Your eyes drifted over the cuts and bruises you’d collected as if they weren’t there, refusing to acknowledge the way they began to sting as you scrubbed at the filth away. The finger sized markings around your arms and the larger bruises on your thighs had begun to turn from red to a bluish purple. You knew soon they’d turn yellow and fade entirely, and you forced yourself to remember the ones who had put them there would never be able to do so again.
Between you and Troy, you’d made sure of that.
You wondered if you should feel something for what you had done. The shock and the adrenaline of the night had faded, so where was the guilt? The revulsion from having killed a person?
Not a person, you told yourself. Just another monster. Like the dead. Worse even.
You finished your shower, eager to get dressed again.
The towels left in the shower-room were stiff and scratchy but you wouldn’t complain. You called out for Troy, hoping he might be back with something to wear so you wouldn’t have to put on your filthy clothes again.
A voice answered, but it wasn’t Troy’s.
“Name’s Mike.” The voice said, and you felt your blood ran cold.
You were naked and alone in a room with no lock on the door… and a strange man standing on the other side.
“Where’s Troy?” You asked, trying not to sound panicked.
“He’s back?” The voice - Mike - said.
Your heart thundered as you felt a wave of nausea overtake you.
Don’t pass out, you told yourself. Whatever you do, don’t. pass. out.
You pulled the scratchy towel tighter around yourself with one hand and placed the other on the door. Logically you knew if he wanted to get in you wouldn’t be able to hold it closed against him. You weren’t particularly strong before the world ended and now whilst exhausted and malnourished you had even less hope.
“He’ll be back any second,” you told him, hoping the stranger would hear the warning in your voice.
“Good. I’ll wait then.”
The ice in your veins was steadily growing hot, turning into frustration. Was this person stupid? Or where they just messing with you?
You didn’t have time to find out since the heat in your veins became almost unbearable until a loud crash, the sound of wood breaking, made you gasp and jump back from the door.
It wasn’t the man trying to break in like your first instinct told you. No, you realised what it was when you heard Troy’s furious voice begin to shout.
“Mike! What the fuck are you doing in here?”
“Looking for you! Jesus what’s got up your ass?”
Your legs almost collapsed as you sagged against the door and willed your beating heart to slow.
“You can’t be in here.” Troy said bluntly. “Get out.”
There was a moment of silence before you heard the sound of springs. Mike must have been sat on one of the bunks.
You heard the sound of the door being closed with a bang, and then footsteps drawing closer. You stumbled toward the door and flung it open, almost missing Troy’s wide eyed expression as he dropped his hand from where it was about to knock as you threw yourself face first against his chest.
Your body trembled. From fear, relief… from everything that had happen over the last twenty-fours hours, hell the last few weeks of your life! You’d had to be so strong all by yourself for so long, with no one to trust or to rely on for help.
Troy seemed to hesitate at first, unsure of how to comfort you. He settled for lightly placing his palms on your back over the the towel and waited awkwardly for your response.
As you fisted your hands into his shirt you breathed deeply, smelling the dirt and the blood and sweat of the night before. For some reason this comforted you, allowed your racing pulse to ease as Troy started making small circles on your back. His chin had dropped so his lips were pressed against your damp hair as you realised he’d begun to whisper gently soothing words to you.
“I shouldn’t have left you alone.” He said a little once you’d managed to stop shaking.
You shook your head against him, not wanting him to blame himself for your fear.
“I felt it. Felt you…” Troy then added, his voice pained. You lifted your head then to face him.
His expression made your heart break. He looked so lost, so sorrowful, that you had needed him and he hadnt been there, again.
You shook your head once more, not sure how you knew these were his thoughts but they were as clear to you as if they were your own.
“You can’t blame yourself because I left. For what they almost did…” you told him gently, willing him to believe it too.
Troy stopped rubbing circles on your back but didn’t move in the slightest to let you go.
“It was my fault. If I had just explained… or stayed away that night…”
“You were there when I needed you. When it mattered. You came for me.”
Your words did little to ease his guilt but Troy tried to smile down at you.
“Sorry about Mike. He’s kind of never got personal boundaries but he’s harmless.”
You tried not to let your unease show.
“He’s your friend?”
Troy nodded. “Since we were kids, before I was taken out of school.”
You frowned, confused. Troy’s smile faltered.
“We can talk about all that after you’ve had something to eat and some rest. I want Jake to give you a check over too - I’ll stay, if you want me to.” He said quickly as he felt you stiffen in his arms. “And then, well, we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.”
You tried to let that sink in. Time. It was something that had felt like it was slipping away from you since the outbreak. How much time until you found a safe place? How much time until you lost it? How long had you been hungry, thirsty… how much time did you have left to survive?
Troy indicated the bag he had dropped on the floor by the door which you saw did indeed have a crack in it where he’d pushed it open so violently.
“I’ll wait outside while you dress.”
You wanted to say it was okay for him to stay, but you knew you weren’t ready for that yet.
How strange the intimacy you shared by being able to feel each others most powerful emotions, practically reading the others thoughts at a glance… and yet this was where you hesitated.
But Troy’s eyes told you he understood. That it was ok. That anything you needed would be okay with him.
He stepped outside and pulled the door shut. You could him standing with his back to the door as if on guard through the flimsy cover over the small window. You smiled to yourself.
You clumsily pulled on the clothes he’d left you, blushing when your hands opened the brand new packet of underwear. There were a few pairs of clean socks and two basic sports bras which fit well enough to be comfortable. You wondered if Troy had picked it all for you or if he’d asked one of the women on the ranch for help. You were too embarrassed to ask.
Finally you slid your aching legs into a pair of faded jeans, having to tighten the belt to make them fit your emaciated waist. The plain, light cotton t-shirt was a little baggy but you didn’t mind.
There were no new boots or shoes but you were sure Troy just hadn’t known your size. Once you were dressed you stood awkwardly in the empty room, your fingers tugging at your damp hair to work out the knots a hairbrush just wouldn’t get through. For some reason you suddenly felt self conscious about your appearance, which was ridiculous since Troy had seen you at your worst… although there was still a small voice in your head wondering if he’d be disappointed with his soulmate now you didn’t have the excuse of being half-dead in the wild for your ragged appearance.
Drawing in a deep breath you moved to open the door and let Troy back in. He turned his head to peer at you over his shoulder.
“Feeling better?” He asked.
You nodded, “I feel human again. I've missed soap so much… and clean socks.”
“Yeah they’re like fucking gold-dust now,” Troy said as he stepped inside.
Again you stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, unsure of what was supposed to happen next until you realised Troy still hadn’t a chance to clean up. Your stomach also growled loudly again and Troy frowned.
“Eat,” he said, grabbing the bag and taking it to the table in the corner of the room. He spread out the contents as you dropped into one of the wooden chairs. As your eyes fell upon the meal you felt dizzy at the thought of a real, freshly made meal. Or as fresh as leftovers could be. Right then it looked like a banquet fit for royalty. You glanced at Troy as he sat down beside you, waiting for him to take his share.
His frown deepened as you sat unmoving.
“Something wrong?”
Your voice was thin, tired. “Aren’t you going to eat too?”
Troy’s mouth quirked up on one side, an almost smile as he shook his head.
“You first. You’re practically all bones.”
You blushed as your earlier worries came back to mind, but troy’s smile was encouraging. You knew he wasn’t intentionally poking fun at you so without further hesitation you began to tuck in.
“Not too fast,” Troy told you as you swallowed your first mouthful embarrassingly loudly. You understood why when your stomach began to clench. It had been so long since you’d eaten a decent meal your body wasn’t used to it.
You ate what could, sipping at the water bottle between bites, and once you felt satiated you realised you could barely keep your eyes open.
Troy shook out the sheets of one of the bunks, flipping the mattress as somewhere in the back your mind you pictured spiders and all sorts of creepy critters that would usually make your skin crawl. Deeming the bed he made you suitable Troy offered you his hand, helping you walk over to the bunk until you practically collapsed onto the sheets. You were vaguely aware of a pillow being placed beneath your cheek and the covers being tightened over you.
Troy paused as your eyes fluttered.
“Do you want me to go?”
You barely had the strength to speak but you managed to mumble against the softness of the pillow.
“Don’t go.”
Sleep overcame you, pulling you under a shroud of darkness so fast you were only half sure Troy had heard you. But for the first night since the dead had started walking and life had been turned into a living nightmare, you gave into sleep knowing you’d be safe
Because Troy was with you.
Chapter 9 Don’t Say Go Warnings: The usual violence and gore of FTWD. Mentions of previous SA - non-graphic. “How did you survive all alo