Truth, Lies and the Easter Bunny
Recently, my son asked one of the questions I’ve dreaded as a parent: “Mom, is the Easter Bunny real?”
Crap. Here I am, snuggling him into bed after teeth brushing and books, and he hits me with this. I was not prepared. Quickly, I weighed my options: 1. Lie. I could perpetuate the fantasy of a giant bunny delivering baskets of brightly decorated eggs and sweet treats in hopes that he’ll magically be convinced; 2. Figure out a way to tell the truth in a way that doesn’t destroy the magic of the season; or 3. Run.
As appealing as option 3 was, I went with the truth. You may be asking, “Why would you take that away from a 4 year old? He’s too young!” Which I considered in what seemed to be the lifetime between his question and my answer. But then I figured he already had his doubts or he wouldn’t have asked the question in the first place. So I chose to tell the truth, not because it was easier (which it was not necessarily), but because I am uneasy with blatantly lying to my son for no valid reason.
Yes, he’s 4. Yes, he still believes in Santa. We haven’t had to tackle the truth of the Tooth Fairy yet. But I want my son to trust me. Not because I see him as an equal or mature enough to handle all of life’s ugly truth’s, but because I’m his mother. And I owe my son the knowledge to empower him in the world of realities accompanied with an appreciation for the magic of wonder. Because the time will come when he asks me if Santa, or St. Nicholas (whom we have explained are essentially the same person) is real, he will ask me how babies are born and why weird things are happening to his body. He will eventually ask me for the truth about drugs, the “bad” kids in school, and a myriad of other things. I want him to come to me with those questions instead of someone else and by telling him the truth now, I hope he realizes I will tell him the truth then. And by doing this, I will empower him with the information to make the right decisions in life. Because that’s my job.
I love watching my son on Christmas morning. I love talking about the holiday and all of its meaning, both Christian and non-religious. I explain the spirit of St. Nicholas and Santa and the joy of giving in celebration of the birth of Jesus. I don’t think dispelling the myth of a giant rabbit diminishes this in any way. How will I justify this to him on the inevitable day he asks about Santa? I will discuss the magic of Christmas and St. Nicholas that lives on within each of us, and I hope he will respond to me the way I responded to my mom when she told me the “truth.” With sadness, yes, but gratitude for truth AND magical mornings each year I believed.
So, how did I answer him? Here’s how the conversation went…
Ethan: Mom, is the Easter Bunny real?
Me: Well, what do you think about that?
Ethan: No, I don’t think he’s real.
Me: Well, you’re sort of right, because the really isn’t a big bunny that hops around to everyone’s house to bring baskets of candy and eggs to everyone. That does seem kind of silly. But the Easter Bunny is sort of a magical character that reminds us about what is important about the season. At Easter, we celebrate the changing of the season, re-birth of the trees, flowers, plants, and everything after winter, and how everything can grow again. So it’s more about the spirit of the Easter Bunny, not the actual Easter Bunny. Does that make sense? (I wasn’t prepared to discuss the Resurrection at this point, so if you want to call this a lie of omission, go ahead. It was late and I was doing my best. The Resurrection is a bit heavy for a 4 year old at bedtime who just realized the Easter Bunny is a myth. Baby steps…)
Ethan: Yep, that makes sense. So the Easter Bunny is kinda real but not really?
Me: Sort of. No giant Easter Bunny is coming to our house. But the magic of Easter, giving and celebrating new life – that’s very real and the spirit of Easter lives in our hearts. Your heart, my heart and Daddy’s heart. That’s why Daddy and I celebrate each year and make you a special basket. But Ethan, there’s one other very important thing for you to remember.
Ethan: What?
Me: That there will be kids in your class and who are your friends who believe in the Easter Bunny, and it is not your place to tell them not to believe. Just as you came to me for the truth, it’s up to their moms and dads to tell them the information too. You are not allowed to tell them what I told you today because it’s not fair for you to tell them what to believe. So if one of your friends tells you the Easter Bunny came, what will you say?
Ethan: I’ll tell them no, because he hasn’t come yet. (Love the literal mind of a 4 year old.)
Me: Ok, what I mean is if someone tells you the Easter Bunny came to their house on Easter, what will you say?
Ethan: I don’t know… Yeah, he did!
Me: You can, but you don’t have to lie either. You just have to say, “that’s great!” or something like that, ok? Does that make sense?
Ethan: Yes. I can just say that I’m happy for them, right?
Me: Yes, perfect.
Mission accomplished, I hope. Truth, empathy, & a little magic. I just hope no one starts in on the Tooth Fairy.