Oct 11, 2019
proof that tony stark has the biggest dick energy in the entire mcu: 2|x
built a literal suit of armour in said cave while still recovering from said open-heart surgery while also being tortured by the ten rings
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from Malaysia
seen from Russia
seen from United States
seen from Serbia
seen from Ukraine
seen from Bangladesh
seen from China
seen from United Arab Emirates
seen from Bangladesh
seen from Indonesia
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Serbia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
proof that tony stark has the biggest dick energy in the entire mcu: 2|x
built a literal suit of armour in said cave while still recovering from said open-heart surgery while also being tortured by the ten rings
proof that tony stark has the biggest dick energy in the entire mcu: 3|x
escaped the ten rings in said suit of armour equipped with fucking flamethrowers
proof that tony stark has the biggest dick energy in the entire mcu: 1|x
survived shrapnel to the chest + open-heart surgery in a dank cave
(@jess-b-thot)
TSBE
those sad blue eyes: epilogue
epilogue.
pairing: louis & harry
word count; 5003
Summary: When summer comes, Harry notices a boy that shows up every night at the restaurant that he works at. He orders the same thing, he sits in the same spot, and he never says a word. At first Harry doesn’t think he’s a big deal, but he comes to learn that he needs those sad blue eyes more than he ever imagined.
Wooow. Okay so this is the last chapter. I started this over a year ago and now it's ending. Thank you to every single person who has ever read or given this story a chance, it means so much to me and I'm sorry I got slow on the updates towards the ending.
Ok so there's top!harry towards the ending of the chapter, just in case you're one of those people that refuse to read top!harry. I just figured I'd switch things around since Louis had topped in the past. (yes i wrote my first detailed sex scene in this chapter ok and idk how you're going to like it soo) and sorry if there are errors because I tried to edit it and I don't know if I missed anything.
Well, thank you everyone! Feel free to message me if you want to talk or be friends hehe . and when I write something new, I will most likely write it on AO3 and I hope you'll read that too. Enjoy!
~
Louis awoke to the soft tapping of rain hitting his window. He lays there for a few moments, taking in the soft light coming in from the window and his eyes scanned his near empty room. The pictures of him and his friends and the football trophies that had recently been on the shelves were now packed away in boxes.
He’s laying on 3 blankets, his bed already packed up, and his back aches from the floor. He stretches his legs and his arms, he knows he could sleep for a while longer, but he knew he couldn't fall back asleep even if he tried.
A few months had passed by since Louis had left Harry and this time, this had worked. Things were so different between the two of them and Louis couldn't even begin to explain how happy he was now. They had really tried to make it work this time, skyping every night or calling each other just to hear the other’s voice. Louis had taken the drive to Harry's home a few times during the weekends as well. For once, Louis was confident that things would work out this time.
So today, Harry was coming.
Summer had begun just a few days ago and Louis and Liam were moving to Holmes Chapel and Harry wanted to help them finish packing. He was coming in on the train early this morning and they were all driving to Holmes Chapel together later in the day.
It didn’t take much for Louis to talk Liam into coming with him. He had this whole idea planned ever since he had left Harry a few months back and he had explained it all to Liam. At first, Liam coming with him wasn’t even apart of the plan, but as soon as he said it, the first thing Liam had said was “So when are we going?” and Louis was so grateful.
So they looked for a flat (Louis had plenty of savings, so money wasn’t a worry) and they transferred to a new uni (which wasn’t as difficult as Louis thought it would be.) and the plan was set for summer.
Louis told Harry his plans and Harry only argued a little bit before nearly crying of happiness. His only argument was the fact that he didn’t want Louis to be leaving behind his friends and family, but on the inside he wanted this so badly. So they planned together, Louis and Liam bought a flat near Harry’s house (where he moved back in with his mum) and things were so great for them.
So here he was. He was waking up on the day where he could finally get away from the people and the town that had made him so unhappy for years and he could move to a new town with new beginnings, new friends and, well, Harry.
He was due to pick up Harry from the train station in about 30 minutes and they were going to spend some time together before they headed back to Holmes Chapel. It was the first time Harry was going to see where he grew up and meet Liam, which was a big step for Louis. It felt like the final step to make whatever they had more real.
So he slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, ignoring the excited fluttering in his stomach. He missed Harry more and more everyday. He ached for the boy at this point, even if they tried to Skype every night. Every time Louis had driven to visit him, leaving got harder and harder and now they didn’t have to do it anymore.
It had been about 3 weeks since he had last driven down to Holmes Chapel and he wonders how he even survived those months without Harry when they weren’t together. He misses Harry so much.
He always misses Harry. So much that it was sometimes hard to breathe.
~
When he arrives at the train station, he’s a few minutes early, so he stands back and waits anxiously. He’s about to see his boy and he has to bite his lip to avoid himself from smiling like an idiot.
Time goes by and the train finally arrives and next thing he knows he sees those familiar curls. Harry’s looking around the station, most likely trying to find Louis. But before he can find him, Louis runs to the boy a quick as he can. Harry sees him just a few seconds before they embrace and he holds his arms open as Louis jumps into them. He lifts Louis off the ground and twirls him around once before setting him down and he just holds him. They stand like that for a few minutes, neither talking, just holding each other. Their eyes are closed and they’re breathing in the familiar smell of each other and Louis can feel tears prickling in his eyes.
When they finally pull away, Harry is smiling so wide as he looks down at Louis, “Hi.”
And Louis wants to laugh and tell him he’s an idiot but instead he feels more tears prickle in his eyes and he hides his face into Harry’s coat again. He inhales a shaky breath and let’s Harry hold him for a few more moments before he pulls away from the hug and grabs onto his hand, “Hello,” He manages.
Harry leans down and presses a few warm kisses against Louis’ lips, “Missed you,” he murmurs and kisses his lips again.
When Harry pulls away, Louis stares up at him, “I missed you so fucking much,” he breathes and it makes Harry laugh. Soon enough, they’re both giggling like idiots and Louis is so in love with this boy.
"So what’s the plan for today?" Harry asks quietly as he presses his lips against Louis’ hair, before planting a small kiss to his head.
"Well we can go get breakfast… If you’re hungry. And after we can go to my flat and wait for Liam to get off of work and you can help me pack, then we can all go get lunch and start to head that way?" and start to head home. It's on the tip of his tongue and he doesn't have to say it for them to both know. Louis is smiling so wide. He feels almost like they’re starting a life together, a new beginning.
"Can’t wait," Harry smiles, holding onto Louis’ hand tightly, he brings their hands to his lips and leaves another kiss as Louis begins to lead the way.
~
They stop at a small cafe. The air outside is cold and it’s rainy and when they step into the cafe, it’s warm and it smells like cinnamon. Louis orders a bagel and a tea and Harry gets a muffin and some hot chocolate. They’re sickeningly cute as they sit across from each other in a booth with their ankles locked. They share food and steal sips of each others drinks and reach out to play with each others fingers. They smile and talk quietly, Harry asks about school and Liam and Louis asks about his mum and Zayn and Niall.
"I love you," Harry says softly, swiping his thumb across Louis’ hand.
Louis’ small smile grows quickly and he tries to hide it, “I love you too.”
~
They drive around after that for about 30 minutes. Louis shows him around, shows him where he went to school and his uni and some parks. After a while, they end up at Louis and Liam's near empty flat. There’s barely anything left, just a few boxes and some blankets and pillows on the floor that he slept on. Harry walks around the flat, peaking out the windows, looking in the fridge. He’s really curious about everything and Louis doesn’t understand why. There’s nothing special about an empty flat but Harry’s eyes are full of wonder.
When Harry finishes, he’s by Louis’ side once again, “Hiiiii,” he says lazily, wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist.
His chest hits Louis’ back and Louis leans backwards to rest against him. He looks up and Harry leans down, connecting their lips.
The kiss is slow and sweet at first, until Louis turns around to face Harry directly. His hands make their way to his curls and Harry’s tongue pushes against Louis’ lips. A few moments later, Harry’s mouth disconnects from his lips and he latches onto Louis’ neck. They’re both breathing heavily and Louis feels flushed and sweaty and hot. He lets out a high pitched noise as he feels Harry’s teeth pinch against his neck, marking him, before sucking and massaging his tongue over the marks that he makes.
"Want you so bad, Harry," Louis let’s out, panting almost.
Harry just makes a small noise of approval against his neck.
"Please," Louis whines as Harry bites down again.
"What do you want?" Harry murmurs against his neck.
"Want you inside me," Louis whimpers.
Harry freezes. This was new. Every time they had sex so far, Louis had always topped. He suddenly feels guilty because he had never even thought about if Louis had ever wanted to switch things around before.
The thought scares him though, he had only topped one time and it was so long ago, Harry barely remembers it. It was with Zac and it was during a party when they were both drunk and Harry had no idea what he was doing. Zac complained about how much it hurt and he was so mortified that he did a bad job and he had never wanted to do it again.
"Louis.." Harry begins, pulling away slowly to look at Louis’ face.
Louis hair is a mess and his eyes are wide and full of want and Harry doesn’t even know how to say no to him.
"Wait, what’s wrong?" Louis asks, reaching out to cup Harry’s cheek.
"We don’t even have a bed," Harry tries to joke, but it doesn’t work.
Louis frowns, “Baby—”
"I’m fine. It’s just, I’ve never really.. You know, topped. Well I did a while ago and I was so bad at it. I don’t want to hurt you."
"You won’t hurt me babe. If you want, we can. We really dont have to. I just said in the heat of the moment—"
"Do you not want to?"
"No, no I do! I really do. If you want.. We can like.. we can go slow? I can help you, I guess? If you really want to," his voice is shaky. Louis’ eyes are soft and full of trust and Harry leans forward to kiss his forehead.
"Later tonight, yeah?"
Louis smiles wide and he nods, “Okay.”
They both smile at each other for a few more moments, “I’m gonna go shower. Because, well,” His eyes trail down his body and Harry sees it. He was achingly hard and needed a release.
Harry blushes and nods quickly, “Yeah, okay.”
"Want to come?" Louis smiles, holding out his hand.
Harry stares at him for a few moments before grabbing his hand, “Lou?”
"Hm?"
"I love you."
~
After a long shower and 2 blowjobs later, Louis and Harry were now finishing packing up the last of Louis’ things into the final cardboard box. Harry gives Louis a smile as he duct tapes it and that’s it. All of his things are packed.
A few moments later they heard the door open and a voice, “Lou?”
Louis turns to the voice, standing up and leaving the package on the ground, “In here Li.”
Harry is still sitting on the ground, a bit nervous, he contemplates standing up to be beside Louis but before he can decide, Liam walks in. He isn’t what Harry expects. Liam is somehow adorable and hot at the same time and has the kindest eyes he has ever seen. He doesn't even know what he's expecting because he's never had a picture to put Liam's name to and now he does.
Liam is looking down at Harry for a few moments, “Hey guys.”
Harry stands up and smiles, “Hi,” his voice shakes and it makes Louis giggle at the thought that Harry was nervous to meet his friend.
"You must be the famous, beautiful, Harry that Louis always talks about."
Harry gives him the biggest grin, “And you must be Liam.”
Louis is smiling and watching the two exchange a small, surprisingly not awkward, hug.
They pull apart and face Louis, almost like they’re expecting him to begin their conversation. Louis reaches out and grabs one of Harry’s hands, intertwining their fingers immediately. He doesn’t miss the way Liam’s eyes dart to their hands for a second.
"So, should we get lunch, then go?" Louis asks.
"Have you said bye to your family, Lou?" Liam asks suddenly. His eyes are sincere and he watches Louis closely.
Louis shrugs, “Nah.”
"Louis.."
"Look.. Like, sure, my sisters like me. But I don’t think they’d even notice if I go. My parents hate me already so they won’t care anyways. There’s no point, so please stop Li." Louis tenses until he feels Harry give his hand a gentle squeeze.
Louis let’s out a sigh, “Sorry. I just, I don’t think they care if I say bye or not. After I came out to everyone, my parents have sort of given up on me. I see my sisters sometimes but my parents try to make them avoid me with everything they have. I don’t think they care.”
"Babe, you can at least say bye to Lottie, she would want that. We can go with you, if you want?" Harry tries and Liam gives him a small thankful smile.
Louis huffs out a sigh, “Fine.”
~
They park in front of Louis’ parents house and Louis sits in the passenger seat, glaring at the home. He has his arms crossed and he doesn’t make a single movement. Liam, whose sitting next to him in the driver’s seat, looks over and gives him a sad look.
He then glances back at Harry, who’s looking at the back of Louis’ head in an intense way that Liam doesn’t think he’s ever seen in his life. He doesn’t know how to explain it. Louis isn’t even returning this look, but It seems so personal that Liam feels like he's intruding and turns away as fast as he can.
Minutes pass until, “Louis?”
Louis snaps out of his thoughts and turns around to face his boyfriend in the back seat. Harry is sitting in the middle seat and reaches out to hold onto Louis’ arm. Louis looks down at the touch. It’s warm and gentle and Louis thinks that that is what a home should feel like. Not like whatever is going on inside the house in front of them.
"We don’t have to—"
"No, it’s okay. I’m okay, let’s go," Louis unbuckles and steps out quickly. He pauses as he waits for Liam and Harry to follow quickly behind.
They make their way to the door and Louis taps lightly on it, slightly hoping it was too quiet for no one to hear. But seconds later, the door is opening and Louis’ mum is standing there.
"H-Hi."
She watches him for a few seconds before, “Hello Louis,” she glances behind them, “Liam, Harry,” she acknowledges.
They stand there in silence for a few moments, “What can I do for you boys?” She asks.
Liam and Harry immediately look towards Louis, for him to answer. Louis stands there for a few more moments, “I’m moving and I thought you’d be happy to hear that you don’t have to see me again,” His tone is harsh and it leaves an awkward silence, Louis feels so uncomfortable and Harry senses this so he reaches out and lays his hand on the boy’s lower back.
"He’s coming to Holmes Chapel with me," Harry adds in, "And he wanted to say bye to his sisters."
His mum stands there for a few moments before opening the door wider to invite the boys in. Harry and Louis immediately make their way up the stairs for the girl’s room.
"Look, I’ve known you guys for a long time," Liam begins, turning to Louis’ mum, "And I know you guys have always had rough patches. But he cares about you guys. I don’t know what he did to make you not even want to talk to him—"
"He’s gay, Liam," she hisses.
"Who the fuck cares!" Liam says, trying to keep his voice down, "He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him. Harry makes him so happy, Jay. Gay or not, he’s still Louis! Except he’s so much happier than your family has ever made him. Harry is much more of a family than you have ever been."
She’s silent for a moment, “You have no right to say any of this to me.”
"I’m just trying to tell you that Louis has Harry and he’s happy, whether you’re in his life or not."
~
They say bye to Louis’ sister, Louis can feel his throat tighten and he really wants to just cry. He gives one final hug to them and tries to leave the house as quick as he can. He’s the first one out of the door and he’s waiting by the car already as Harry gives a last wave and small smile to the twins.
Louis watches him as he approaches him, holding his arms open. Louis leans forward and wraps his arms around Harry, "You okay?" Harry murmurs against the top of Louis’ head. He feels Louis give him a small nod. He leans down and presses a kiss against his head before releasing him.
~
The car ride isn’t terribly long — Louis moves to the back seat next to Harry so he can cuddle and look out the window with him the whole ride.
When they pull up to the flat, Harry is the first one out of the car. He’s so excited and he’s bouncing up and down, making Louis grin and hop out of the car as well.
"I’m so excited," Harry grins wide, holding his hands out to Louis, who takes them immediately.
"I can tell."
"I think you’re more excited than Louis is," Liam laughs, pulling out the key to the flat. They make their way up to the door and unlock it.
Harry had helped Louis pick it out when he had come up a few months ago but it was the first time Liam had seen in and he seemed happy about it. They spend the afternoon unloading the moving truck and setting it inside the flat. Harry helps Louis decorate his room and set up his bed.
"Do you guys want to come to mine for dinner? My mum wanted me to ask," Harry smiles, leaning against Louis’ side.
Louis looks towards Liam, who nods, “Of course babe.”
~
"How’s your new flat?" Anne smiles, taking a bite out of her salad. She watches her son look fondly upon his boyfriend.
"It’s really great so far, Harry was helping us decorate it and put some things inside of our rooms," Louis smiles, taking a bite off his fork.
"By helping, he means that after every small thing that was set up, they'd have a makeout session," Liam murmurs but it's loud enough for the whole table to hear. Louis bursts out into a loud laugh and Harry is blushing while keeping his head down.
"That is not true, Mr. Payne. How dare you lie to Harry's mum."
Liam rolls his eyes and take a sip of his water, "Whatever you say, Lou."
After dinner they find themselves on the back porch. There are small lamps around the yard and a bird bath in the middle of it. The moon is bright and it isn't too cold. Everything seems perfect, really. Louis and Harry walk around in the yard, messing around with their fingers intertwined. Harry shows him the garden of flowers that he had planted a few weeks ago and he starts telling him the names of some flowers that he learns.
Liam and Anne watch them from their chairs on the porch. They both have small smiles on their lips, "They make each other really happy," Liam says softly.
He hears Anne hum in agreement as they see Harry lean down and pick a flower, handing it to Louis. They watch as Harry lets out a loud laugh as Louis tucks the flower behind his ear and says something that looks like 'am I pretty now?'
~
"Thanks for dinner, Anne. It was really nice seeing you," Louis smiles, giving her a long and tight hug. They hug for a few moments as Harry watches them, ignoring the fluttering in his stomach. He loves Louis so much and Louis fits so well into his family and his life. They pull apart and Louis makes his way to Harry, watching as Liam gives Anne a hug, thanking her for dinner as well, and telling her it's nice to meet her.
"I'm gonna go back to Louis' and Liam's. If it gets too late, I'll just stay there," Harry smiles, wrapping his arms around Louis.
Anne gives him a look, "O..kay. As long as that's okay with them."
Harry rolls his eyes and looks up at Louis, "No, sorry Harry. You can't come over," Louis teases, trying to keep a straight face but fails because of the way Harry is looking up at him innocently. He suddenly remembers the conversation they had earlier and he feels excited and nervous and he just wants to get home.
They get back to the flat and Liam says a goodnight to the boys before making his way into his room, leaving Louis and Harry to themselves. They make their way to Louis' room and they both sit on the bed. Harry begins fondling with his fingers, looking nervous, "You okay?" Louis asks, leaning against him.
"Yeah, m'fine."
Louis laughs softly, "No you're not. If you're thinking about you know, earlier, we really don't have to do anything."
Harry watches Louis for a few seconds, his eyes are wide and so soft, "I want to."
"Okay, well we can."
Harry bites his lip, feeling a small smile coming. He doesn't know where to start. He's so nervous and Louis senses this immediately, "Hey," Louis says softly, caressing Harry's cheek. He then leans forward and kisses him.
The kiss is slow and passionate, they kiss like that for a while, leaning back on the bed and turning so they're on their sides kissing. Louis suddenly moves his hand, laying it on top of Harry's growing bulge in his jeans. He begins to palm it slowly, causing Harry to gasp against Louis' mouth. Louis' lips move to Harry's neck, sucking and biting at it, leaving marks and kisses as he feels the bulge grow larger.
"Lou," Harry pants, "Don't want to come yet. Want to come inside you," He breathes.
"Jesus, Harry," Louis says, sitting up quickly. His hands immediately move to the button and zipper of Harry's jeans. When he undoes them, he moves his jeans down his legs quickly, and throws them onto the floor.
Once their clothes are all off, they're kissing again. Harry's hands shake a bit but he's so horny and he just wants Louis. He flips them over so he's on top, kissing him once again. His hands move lower and he takes both of their cocks together in one hand. He pumps them both slowly, using the precome that is leaking out of Louis, "Where's your lube?" He breathes.
"Front zipper of my suitcase," Louis croaks out.
After a few more pumps he hops off of Louis, ignoring his protests, and goes to his bag to retrieve the lube, "D'you want a condom?"
Louis shakes his head, "No, want you to fill me up."
Christ. Harry hurriedly gets back on the bed, setting the lube next to him, "Lean back against the pillows," He tells Louis, watching as the boy obeys him. His eyes trail over Louis' perfectly golden body. His stomach is toned but he still has his little tummy that Harry loves so much. He looks at the boy's hard nipples and his cock, which is curved against his stomach. He's so perfect and Harry doesn't understand how he even got the boy to be his. Louis is looking up at Harry with wide eyes as Harry opens the lube up and positions himself in front of Louis' legs. He spreads the boy's legs open a little bit wider, squeezing some lube onto one of his fingers and on the boy's hole.
"Ready?" Harry murmurs, watching Louis gives Harry a quick nod.
Harry pushes his finger into the boy's hole slowly, watching Louis' face to see if there's any uneasiness. Louis lets out a shaky breath, closing his eyes to try to relax.
"Okay?" Harry asks quietly, he knows that Louis is tight but he's scared that it's hurting him.
Louis nods, "Y-Yeah."
So Harry begins opening the boy up, adding more fingers, twisting and moving them in and out. He does it until Louis is trembling and sweating, "P-Please, Harry," He begs, gasping as Harry's fingers hit a bundle of nerves, "Please."
Harry suddenly pulls his fingers out, earning a soft cry from Louis because of the sudden emptiness. He begins to slick himself up with lube, moving his hand up and down his cock a few times.
"Wait," Louis says softly and Harry freezes, "Can I... Can I ride you?"
"Fuck," Harry lets out, "Fuck, yeah Louis. Come on," He leans back onto the bed, not taking his eyes off of Louis. His hand keeps moving up and down his cock, watching as Louis moves on top of Harry. Louis positions himself and Harry guides himself into Louis' slick hole.
Louis watches as Harry disappears into him, inch by inch. Harry lets out sharp breaths as he tries to control himself from going any faster than he's going inside of Louis. When Louis is fully seated on Harry, they both watch each other for a few moments, their quick and sharp breaths are the only noise in the room. Louis suddenly pulls himself up slowly then down, biting his lip. He looks so concentrated that Harry can't help but let out a small little giggle, earning himself a quick grin from Louis.
Louis moves himself on Harry's cock, getting quicker and picking up a pace. Harry's groaning is getting louder as Louis moves faster. He holds Louis' hips so hard as Louis rides him, he just knows there's going to be fingerprint bruises there tomorrow.
Everything is Louis in this moment, he is inside of Louis and he's the reason why Louis is sweating and why his face is pink and his hair is stuck to his forehead. He's the reason why Louis is begging and cursing and as Louis keeps moving faster and faster and he's breathing so heavily, Harry doesn't want this moment to end.
Harry suddenly lifts Louis' hips up a bit and begins to thrust into him quickly. He knows he hits Louis' prostate once Louis lets out a noise that he hasn't heard and Harry keeps thrusting into him, hitting the same spot every time.
Louis' thighs are trembling and Harry slows down a bit, making his thrusts deeper and more powerful instead, "Fuck Harry," Louis breathes, leaning forward to hide his face into Harry's neck, "Fuck, fuck, fuck," He chants. Harry releases his hold on his hips and lets Louis on top of him, "M'gonna come," Louis gasps out. Harry moves his hand down Louis' back, scraping his nails across his golden skin, from his back down to his ass. He lets his hand rest on one of the cheeks, squeezing a bit, before returning it to his hip.
"Come with me, baby," Harry breathes, he thrusts into him a few more times - they're slow but deep and he hits that spot, "Come," He commands and Louis lets out a strangled cry and releases. Harry pushes into Louis a few more times and he's coming as well, filling Louis up.
Louis lays on top of Harry for a few more moments before Harry pulls out of him, earning a soft whimper because of how empty he now feels. Harry rolls out of bed, kissing Louis' forehead once, and makes his way into the bathroom. His legs are shaky as he turns on the light and grabs a small towel, wetting it, and walks back out to where Louis is laying in bed with his eyes closed. He cleans Louis, ho's sticky with sweat and come, then cleans himself and makes his way back into bed, settling himself in right next to him. They're quiet for a while and Harry wonders if Louis has fallen asleep.
"I love you," He hears Louis murmur, as he moves into Harry's side. There's no way they could be any closer right now, "I love you so much."
"I love you too," Harry replies against Louis' hair, "Was I -- was that okay? I didn't hurt you or anything, right?"
Louis suddenly lets out a laugh, "Harry," But he looks up and sees that Harry is being serious, that he is nervous about Louis' answer, "Fuck, yeah that was good. It was so good. It didn't hurt, it was perfect."
Harry gives him a relieved smile, "Okay. Just want to make you feel good."
"You did, babe," Louis murmurs, "Really good."
"Okay."
"I really love you," Louis whispers, "So much. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Harry just smiles, kissing his hair again in return, "Love you too."
There's another pause until, "Like.. you saved me. You made me so happy, Haz. You make me happy. Everything was complete shit before I met you,I wasn't happy at all and who knows what could have happened if I never found you," He trails off, letting their memories run wild. He doesn't know why he's saying this, it just feels like something he should say, "Don't know what I'd do without you honestly," Louis pauses, "You're really everything, Harry."
Harry smiles against Louis' hair, moving his fingers up and down his arm. They lay there, listening to each other's breathing, until shortly after sleep takes over.
They know they'll have nights like these for as long as they want, falling asleep and waking up together. Eventually finding their own place, maybe moving somewhere new to start over. They'll someday get married and have kids and maybe even grand kids, growing old and wrinkly but loving each other just the same. They both wanted that -- even if they haven't talked about it just yet.
But for now, they were strong and in love and they felt like they could take on the world.
~
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Those Sad Blue Eyes: Chapter 18
chapter 18.
pairing: louis & harry
word count; 2163
Summary: When summer comes, Harry notices a boy that shows up every night at the restaurant that he works at. He orders the same thing, he sits in the same spot, and he never says a word. At first Harry doesn’t think he’s a big deal, but he comes to learn that he needs those sad blue eyes more than he ever imagined.
you're probably gonna have to re-read the last chapter to remember what happened lolol. im so so sorry about how late this came out. i meant to update this a while back but i got really busy and school is crazy, like i've said. im almost positive the next will come out quicker than this one. i know this chapter isn't great, but i hope you guys enjoy it and hopefully there isn't too many errors! :) *warning, there is a mention of rape in this chapter, nothing too detailed.
~
“Go home Louis.”
Those words echoed in Louis’ mind, he suddenly felt like he was free falling. He watched Harry’s face, waiting for some sort of emotion to cross it, but it remained blank. He looked like he was fighting the urge for it to show emotion as his lips twitched lightly and he looked away from Louis. Louis began to breathe heavily and had to close his eyes a bit to stop himself from breaking into tears. He shouldn't be so taken back by these words, but he is.
Slowly, Louis opened his eyes and looked back at Harry to find him tapping out a quick message on his phone, most likely asking to be picked up. Then his eyes were on Louis' again and it stayed silent between them for a few more seconds.
Finally, "If I could do all this over again, I would," Louis began, watching Harry's confused expression spread across his face, "I'd make a bigger effort to keep you happy. I would've been a better boyfriend. I hope you know that I wish I could do it all again. I want to make you happy and make you smile again but I can't. Because I fucked up and I know I don't deserve to be forgiven. And you deserve someone else, someone who can do that for you, who can make you smile and make you feel special. But not Zac, Harry. You can do so much better than him. He's an asshole--"
"Shut the fuck up, Louis. You don't know anything," Harry glared, bringing a hand through his curls.
Louis paused, there was a feeling that churned and burned straight through his stomach as Harry stood up for Zac. He hated it, "Maybe I don't, but I know Zac is no good. Especially for you. You deserve someone so much better than him. Why would you even think about going back to him, Harry? What makes you think that he's changed?"
"I was alone, Louis! He was the only one that wanted me. You were back in Doncaster with your perfect life and expensive house and clothes and with your rich family and going to parties, probably fucking every girl and guy in sight. You didn't want me. And I was here, just where you left me," Harry spit, "All I ever wanted was you, and I lost that."
Louis' heart ached, "Perfect life? I was miserable without you, Harry. I don't have real friends besides Liam, who I now live with. Oh and I don't party anymore, I don't have sex with strangers anymore, I told everyone I was gay. And I don't care what they think. I at least tried to change and be happy. You went back to some asshole who treats you like shit," Louis frowned, "I didn't forget all the things you told me about him, Harry. He's bad news."
Harry watched Louis, not knowing what to say. He wants to say something, something about how proud he is of Louis coming out to everyone. But the words just won't come out. Right on queue, Harry's phone began to ring and Louis' eyes jumped to glance at it quickly. It was Zac. He watched as Harry answered it, noticing how glossy and close to tears Harry was.
"Hello?" He could hear a muffles voice on the other end, but he couldn't make out exactly what he was saying, "Okay, I'll be right out," Then he hung up and stood up, "I'm leaving now."
Louis stood up as well, watching as Harry choked on what to say. His mouth opened and closed a few times until he finally settled with a simple, "Bye Louis," and made his way to the door.
As he stepped outside, Louis heard himself say, "Harry, wait."
Harry froze, not expecting this. He turned around slowly, spotting Louis walking towards him, "What?" He glanced at the car that was waiting for him for a few moments before returning his eyes back to Louis.
"Do you still love me?" Louis' voice was shaky and he didn't plan on asking him this, but he needed to know. Everything in his body needed to know if Harry still loved him. As soon as the words come out, he wants to apologize and tell him that he knows the question is way out of line, but he doesn't.
Harry's eyes turned cold, his body stiffened and he just watched Louis. Neither broke their look until Zac honked the horn a few times. Harry glanced over at Zac for a few moments, then returned his eyes back on Louis's face, "No, I don't."
That was it.
Harry was done. This was telling Louis that he should be done too, but he just couldn't. He suddenly wants to cry. He wants to lay in bed and have a good sob, not caring who hears or who sees him. So he just stands there and watches Harry jog to the car and he's suddenly alone.
~
It was a few hours later and Louis was at Zayn's house, packing up all of his things that he had brought with him. He was leaving tomorrow morning, he had to get back and leaving really early in the morning seemed like the best idea. His hands hadn't stopped shaking since he returned and the tears didn't stop. Zayn even asked about it and Louis explained and apologized that he couldn't help and he felt like it was his fault. All Zayn could do was shake his head and tell him it wasn't.
When Zayn finally goes to sleep, Louis lay awake in the living room, watching TV. His eyes were glued on the trashy reality show that he was watching. He had finally gotten his mind off of Harry and just stayed focused on the TV until there was a light tap on the door. It was quite late so it worried him a bit. So he got up slowly and opened the door as slow as possible, finding Harry on the other side. His lips were a deep red, like they were bruised with kisses, harsh and rough kisses. He had an expression in his eyes that Louis had never seen, his eyes were wide and filled with terror and sadness. Louis only had a few seconds to observe it until Harry was launching himself into Louis' arms and sobbing. His fingers were clutching tightly at Louis' shirt as another choking sob rang through the air. Louis was shocked, but immediately wrapped his arms around Harry.
Something wasn't right.
Harry was now crying so hard that he was having trouble catching his breath. He tried to bite down his sobs and squeezed his eyes shut to try to stop crying. Louis just held him, his fingers running up and down Harry's back lightly, in a comforting way. It was like he was trying to silently make sure that he knew that Louis was there for him, and always would be. After a few minutes passed and his tears finally slowed down, he slowly pulled away and scrubbed at his eyes with his hands. He avoided Louis' eyes, which never left Harry's face.
"What happened, Harry?"
Harry's lips began to quiver, he bit down on them hard. Louis changed the subject, "Do you want to take a shower, then we can talk?" He offered.
Harry nodded, looking up to meet Louis' eyes. Louis noted the way Harry looked so young, his eyes swollen from the amount of time he spent crying, his lips were a straight line. Louis nodded and took a few steps to lead the way, pausing when he felt Harry's hand grab a hold of his own hand. Louis looked back at Harry, searching for something in his eyes. He found nothing but the boy staring back at him. Louis gave him a light smile, tightening the grip of their hands, and led the way to the the room that he was staying in. He went to his bag and grabbed fresh clothes for Harry and held them out to him. Harry took these with his free hand, giving Louis a thankful look. Louis nodded and released their hands.
"I'll be in here, waiting while you shower," Louis said, his hand feeling cold without Harry's intertwined in it.
Harry paused, "Will you - just wait in there with me?" He asked so quietly that it was barely audible.
Louis watched him, "I - yeah, okay."
So he followed Harry into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He ended up sitting down, his back against the door with his knees brought up to his chest. He tried to not watch as Harry began to strip after he turned on the shower, but his eyes wandered back to Harry and the body that he knew so well. Harry's hand trembled as he slowly pulled his shirt over his head. Louis' heart raced as he saw the purple and yellow bruises along his chest and the hickeys, which were bright red and deep, along his lower stomach. By the time Harry was completely naked, he glanced at Louis for the first time, then stepped into the shower. Louis waited in silence as Harry took his shower. Neither of them spoke the whole time.
Harry felt dirty and smelled like Zac, he scrubbed and scrubbed until his body felt raw.
~
An hour later, they were in bed. They lay there in silence, keeping a good amount of distance between them. Harry faced away from Louis and Louis watched Harry's back. Louis didn't know if he should speak up or not, so he didn't. Suddenly, Harry shifted a bit, rolling over to face Louis. Their eyes met and they just watched each other until someone decided to break the silence.
"What happened?" Louis began, searching Harry's face.
"Can we just lay here for a bit?" Harry asked, watching as Louis nodded his head lightly.
So they laid next to each other, neither speaking. They both missed this, not having to speak to feel connected. Louis' eyes were closed as he enjoyed the silence until suddenly Harry moved a bit closer to him. His eyes opened to find Harry still watching him.
"Lou.." Harry trailed off, biting his lip. He didn't know where to begin.
"Hm?" Louis eyes stayed on Harry's, letting him know it was okay to talk.
Louis watched as Harry found his words, "Zac saw you," his voice is small, "and he was pissed that I went and talked to you. Even though I told him it wasn't what he thought it was," He began.
Louis frowned as he continued, "So when we got back home, he started yelling at me," He eyes fluttered closed, "Then he kept trying to kiss me and I kept telling him no, but he was too strong and pinned me against the wall. He didn't even look like himself. He looked insane. He hit me a few times, it's not really new," he paused, opening his eyes to look at Louis' expression. Louis had his eyes squeezed shut, frowning at all the words. This was the first time he had actually admitted to someone that Zac hurt him.
Harry continued, "He fucked me against the wall. He didn't go easy at first or prep me or use lube. He just slammed into me and kept pounding into me and it hurt so badly. I felt helpless and I- I-" his eyes fell closed, wanting to cry again, "I just let him. He just kept doing it, for awhile, and I couldn't even stand when he finally pulled out. Then he just left and I fell asleep onto the couch for a few hours. He wasn't back when i woke up and I just came here before he did."
Louis stayed quiet, his breathing sped up as he processed what happened. Harry was raped. He was hurt.
Harry watched Louis until he spoke, "This is all my fault," Harry opened his mouth but Louis kept talking, "If I didn't break up with you.. This wouldn't never happened. I'm so sorry, Harry. I'm sorry," Louis eyes were springing with tears and Harry moved closer to him. So close that their noses were almost touching. He reached out and wiped away the few tears in Louis eyes, "It's not your fault."
"Yeah, it is." Suddenly, Harry's hand was on Louis' waist and he couldn't breathe. He had missed this so much.
"I lied, earlier. I hope you know that I couldn't stop being in love with you if I tried, which I did try to do. But you're everything, Louis."
Louis swallowed, feeling himself lean in. He told himself not to, but he couldn't help it. And Harry's lips were on his in a second. The kiss was slow and smooth and lasted for about a minute. They took in each other and Harry's hand was on his cheek. It was a kiss that he had craved for months. When they pulled away, Harry gave him a small grin, which Louis returned. Everything was perfect and for the first time in months, they both fell asleep happy.
When Louis woke up, Harry was gone.
~
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AES: we are energy
My sponsoring company, the AES Corporation*, have relaunched with a snazzy looking new website, so I thought this would be a time to give them a more direct blogging mention.
For those of you that haven't heard of them, these are the guys that sponsor my research doctorate.
They're a Fortune 200 global power company with generation and distribution businesses all over the world, operating with a portfolio of just about every conventional and renewable generation technology out there.
We teamed up around three years ago to look at the impact of renewable energy on existing electricity markets. A broad remit, granted, but one that gave me the freedom to pick a project that played to my strengths, and that would have a real world relevance and impact (unlike some PhDs which can end up being some interesting bits of research, but one that is ultimately never utilised).
It's refreshing working for a power company that is genuinely forward looking, keen to be proactive and to understand how it can help facilitate renewables growth.
The team I work with, the European wing of the business (primarily for me looking at Northern Ireland and the challenges there), is giving me an excellent opportunity to respond to the very real but necessary challenges of integrating wind energy with the Irish electricity market. As I'm now slowly starting to thread together the distinct lines of inquiry my research has led me down, I'm starting to get excited about how my conclusions will influence the development of the Northern Ireland electricity system for the better.
You can read more about AES, our businesses and our values at: www.aes.com.
*I think, for clarification purposes I should mention here that this blog has always been, and will continue to be "all views my own".
Those Sad Blue Eyes: Chapter 16
chapter 16.
pairing: louis & harry
word count; 2166
Summary: When summer comes, Harry notices a boy that shows up every night at the restaurant that he works at. He orders the same thing, he sits in the same spot, and he never says a word. At first Harry doesn’t think he’s a big deal, but he comes to learn that he needs those sad blue eyes more than he ever imagined.
btw, this chapter skips through a lot of months. im just warning youuu. I'm really not sure how I feel about the second half of this chapter, idk. ummm, hope you enjoy it ily guys <3
~
A month passes and it's November and everything is not okay like Harry was hoping. He hadn't told anybody what really had happened with Louis, but they were smart and they could easily guess. They noticed the way Harry didn't ever talk about Louis anymore and the way he didn't hurry home so that he could Skype him. In fact, Louis hadn't been mentioned since that night that he had ended it between them. Harry was lonely. He tried to get through the day and treat it like he used to, but it was hard for him. Sometimes Niall or Zayn couldn't even get him to laugh, and that was a big deal.
He hadn't talked to Louis since that night. In fact, he waited for Louis to text him or call him first - because he refused to do the opposite. But nothing came. It made Harry feel like shit. Because maybe Louis just wanted to get away from him, he was just a kid after all. But he felt stupid for believing everything that Louis had told him through -out the whole summer, all the lies. Like how everything would be okay between them while he was gone and that he loved him. But it wasn't true. None of it was because nothing was okay.
He was stuck.
He was still so stuck on Louis, even if he didn't make it audible to others. Sure, he didn't talk about Louis but that boy was on his mind all the time. Every time his phone vibrated, there was always a small part of him that prayed that it was Louis - calling to apologize about everything. He was desperate for the boy again. So desperate that he would've just forgot about everything that had happened weeks ago, for the boy again. It was like Louis was his drug and he was addicted to Louis. He missed Louis' lips and his taste, the way he smelled, the way his blue eyes looked when they hit the light. He missed the chime in the restaurant and the late night rides back to his house. He missed the way they made love - the way that Louis touched him so gently but oh so passionately. He missed everything about him and it killed him. He missed being in love with the boy and knowing that he loved him back.
But it wasn't like that anymore and he didn't know if it would ever be like that again. He didn't want anybody else, he just wanted Louis by his side.
He was desperate.
Desperate to be loved and touched and cared for, even if it wasn't real feelings. Even if it was just to fill the emptiness that was in his heart. So when December came, he crawled right back to who he never thought he would again.
He crawled right back to Zac, who took him with open arms.
Zac. As in the Zac that had took his virginity and broke his heart. The Zac that he had sworn to his family and few friends he would never let anyone treat him the way Zac had treated him. But he did the worst thing possible and just went right back to the first boy who had broke his heart.
The air was chilly and he had on a black fuzzy coat, a grey beanie, and a white scarf. He could see his frosty breath in the air as he he made his way to to Zac's. Zac had lived alone in an apartment for a while, which was odd considering that he was still in high school. A few moments after he had gone inside and found which apartment was his, Zac had opened the door, not really expecting Harry. He was wearing only his boxers and holding a beer. His eyes trailed quickly up and down Harry, like he was surprised that the boy was there.
"Harry?" He asked, raising his eyebrow, opening the door a bit wider to invite him in. His speech was a bit slurred from the alcohol and his house reeked of it. Harry was a bit nervous as he walked in slowly, making his way to Zac's couch. The room was warm and that's all he could really focus on for a few moments as he warmed up.
His eyes scanned the apartment. It was a normal sized apartment, plates of half eaten food was on the coffee table in front of the couch. Nothing was too fancy, one bedroom, a small kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room with a small TV.
His breathing hitched a bit when his eyes, which were still scanning, met Zac's. He watched as Zac put his beer on the table and took his spot next to Harry, "Can I do anything for you?"
"I," He paused, swallowing, "I miss you."
Maybe he was lying, he didn't know. He just needed someone.
He felt numb as Zac fucked him into the mattress and the sheets that smelled like Zac. It was odd because it didn't feel right. He missed the sheets that he and Louis had shared every night. But Zac was claiming what was now his and Harry knew it. Zac wanted everyone to know that Harry was his, almost like his property - not in any loving way at all. Harry felt like he was crumbling, but he accepted it. Soon enough, his clothes smelled wrong. They smelled like Zac and his skin smelled like Zac and soon enough everything smelled like Zac. Louis' scent had faded away.
Another month passed, it was January, and Zayn found out. He found out when Harry walked into the restaurant with a purple hickey on his neck. It was sore and something that he wasn't a fan of. He didn't like hickeys in noticeable places and he didn't like it when Zac gave them to him. When Zac gave them to him, it was forceful and he didn't care about being gentle, he didn't care about wondering if he was hurting his boyfriend - he just wanted to claim the boy.
"What's that on your neck?" Zayn asked, eyeing the bruise, "Is that.. a hickey?" Zayn asked, wide eyed. Harry placed his hand on top of it, an attempt to try to hide it, "Don't. I know it is. Who's it from?"
Harry frowned, pulling his hand away. He just shrugged, "Someone.."
"Someone...?"
"My boyfriend," Harry said simply.
Zayn raised an eyebrow, "And how long have you had a boyfriend?"
He knew that he and Louis had broken up. Sure, Harry hadn't told him anything.. But Harry was his best friend and It was obvious even if Harry hadn't told him. It went from Harry always checking his phone and talking about Louis, to no mentions of Louis and Harry's mood going down. He noticed the way Harry would stare down the booths in the restaurants at night and when he didn't even go to work sometimes. And Harry usually never missed worked.
"About a month," Harry shrugged, his eyes met Zayn's. Zayn could tell something was wrong. Harry's eyes were sad and no love met them at all. His eyes didn't light up and a smile didn't reach his lips. Nothing.
"Who is it?"
Harry bit his lip, giving Zayn a sympathetic look. His fingers trembled as he brushed a curl out of his face, "Don't hate me.."
"Who, Harry?" Zayn asked. He was beginning to worry, something wasn't right.
"Zac. I'm dating Zac again. I just - I--" He frowned, his eyebrows furrowed. He could feel tears sting his eyes.
Their relationship wasn't a healthy one. Zac just wanted power in it, he bossed Harry around and made him do things that Harry didn't want to do. He made Harry feel uncomfortable sometimes and made bruises. Bruises that were made because Harry did something that Zac didn't like. But Harry tried to forget it all, the nights he was laying in Zac's bed. He felt loved at those moments, when Zac had an arm snaked around his thin waist - his face nuzzled into Harry's neck. When he could feel Zac's fingers lightly drawing shapes and words onto Harry's skin. That was when Harry felt happy and loved and when he felt like he belonged somewhere. But when the morning came, it was all over.
His mum knew something was wrong. Especially the early mornings when he came home, moving slowly as if he was sore. She noticed the hickeys and the way he cursed lightly under his breath if he moved to fast. She wasn't stupid. They had grown apart over the months, Harry didn't tell her anything anymore. He was too scared to. He didn't want his mum to judge him, so he didn't even try to tell her anything.
"Zac?!" Zayn gasped, throwing the napkin he was holding onto the counter, "Harry, please tell me you're not being serious.
Harry shrugged, "Yeah, I'm serious."
"Do you love him?"
Harry paused. He didn't know... No, he didn't. He knew he didn't, but he also knew that Zac didn't love him either. If he did, he wouldn't treat Harry that way.
"I guess," Harry shrugged, "But he's changed. Don't worry about me," He lied, smiling slightly at his best friend.
~
During February, fights between Harry and his mother occur more and more. They mostly happen because Harry was so exhausted from Zac and stressed from school and work and he wasn't in the mood for anything. He was emotionally drained and exhausted and he couldn't believe that he hadn't spoken to Louis for about four months. He had never missed anyone as much as he missed Louis. He craved for the boy. He thought about Louis every day and fought the urges to give him a simple text or a call. He wanted to so badly, to just check up on him or to see if he was doing okay. But he didn't. He wasn't going to because if Louis really wanted to talk to him, he would've called during these months of silence.
It was their biggest fight that turned one of the last good things that Harry had left, bad. His home and family. It didn't mean to get that far, but it did. His mum had found out he was dating Zac and she wasn't very happy - she was furious. She knew Harry deserved someone better.
"I'm leaving then," Harry said loudly, watching his mum's emotion change completely, "I'll go live with him if that's what you want. He makes me happy, He supports me and loves me. Unlike you," Harry lied through his teeth, feeling tears line on his eyes. He would've never said anything like this to his mother, ever. But something inside of him shook and he had to get it out. His mum stood there, shocked. He had just turned 18 and there wasn't any way she could stop him. Without any further words exchanged, he walked back up the stairs and began to pack.
He had made the biggest mistake, leaving a home with someone who had loved him, just to prove a point. A point that wasn't even that important. He was tangled up in this mess and needed to just sort his life out.
Zac had welcomed him with open arms and had marked his territory until Harry was trembling. He left bite marks along his collarbone and left him with bruised lips, whispering softly, "I'm so happy you're here."
Harry tried to not cringe from the taste of alcohol and cigarettes that was on his lips, but it was nights like these where he felt like he belonged there. And a little part of him prayed it would stay like that until the morning. But it didn't. By the time he woke up, Zac was already showered and not wanting to cuddle in the morning. He was already dressed and ready to go - not even bothering to wake Harry for school.
In school, they parted their ways and didn't talk much. Harry stayed by Zayn's side and Zayn didn't let Harry go anywhere near Zac at school. Zayn wasn't too happy with Harry's decision to leave home either, so he was protecting him while he could.
Zayn was worried about Harry, something wasn't right. Maybe it was him being paranoid, but he knew he wasn't.
He knew what he had to do. Everything started by the time that Harry stopped talking about Louis. He had to get a hold of Louis and tell him to call Harry and talk to him. He had to. He needed someone to get inside of Harry right now and there wasn't anyone else besides Louis who could do that. No one. Not even he or Niall could get through and that was Hard.
So as he watched Harry make his way to his next class, he reached into his pocket and found the contact he was searching for. He clicked call and waited.
"Hello?"
"Louis, It's Zayn."
There was a long pause on the other side of the phone, "Zayn?"
"I really have to talk to you about something. It's important. It's about Harry."
~
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