Unfortunately some stuff kept me from properly finishing the full exchange piece on time, but here’s a bit of a prelude for my half of the exchange event with @mossy-rot ! Based on a scene from the lovely fic he wrote.
You know I was a Hidekane shipper ( tokyo ghoul manga), but now I am just tired of Kaneki. Hide doesn’t deserve to pin after a guy who don’t give a shit about him. Everytime Hide sacrifice himself for him, Kaneki use this as a way for self-flagellation, “ I make my friend suffer, so now I’m gonna torture myself and commit suicide to make it all better”. He will then resume to ignore him for his own good. He doesn’t even view their decade of friendship as a happy place anymore, now it’s Anteiku. It’s just so sad for Hide.
I decided to ship Hide with Shuu now! They are both canonicaly bisexual, so they could be compatible. I also don’t want him to be the gay butler to Kaneki forever. It’s so crack, because they’ve never spoke in canon. But I’m sure they would find many point in common in their interested in music, and foreign culture.
I still don't like Touken through. Touka deserve better than be reduced to a hot waifu that make plothole babies. I don't understand that relationship, over than putting the main girls with the main boy.
it would be so nice if Tsukiyama and Hide became friends!! everyone says that they'd talk for hours about kaneki, but honestly.... let them bond over smth else!! like books and manga!!! different music tastes!!!!
YES!! Dude, they both have a passion for foreign languages; TSUKIYAMA SHOULD TEACH HIDE SOME GERMAN
Summary: The Night Circus is an enigma that none have been able to understand. It appears, entertains, then vanishes, and all who have witnessed what lies within have never come out the same. Hide is but one of its various centerpieces, playing the role of a charismatic magician. He soon comes to realize that some roles come with a steep price to pay.
Notes: This work is Hide-centric, and will be featuring multiple pairings with Hide, namely TouHide, HideKane, and TsukiHide. Give him all the love this week <3
Leave kudos/comments on the AO3 ver.! (link is on my bio)
Chapter 4 of 7: false door
Please enter cautiously
and feel free to open what is closed.
It seems fitting that once Hide told Touka the truth about Ken, she has a look stripped so raw that one might think that she’d been struck with a bullet from a person she loved dearly. Had words been the bullet and emotions the barrel of the gun, she might have fallen dead on the floor. But she is a strong woman—only one of the reasons that Hide loves her for—and though she staggers as if hit physically by the impact of the truth, she rights herself and holds her trembling chin up, her eyes mirroring the same hurt that Ken’s had shown one terrible and rain-soaked morning in a café.
“I want to hit you,” she says, her jaw clenching and her breaths heavy yet shaky. “But I won’t. I can’t.”
I would deserve it, Hide doesn’t say. Touka’s fury and grief are all-consuming, and there is no room for anyone’s feelings except hers. It rolls off of her skin in waves that threaten to crush Hide into the earth. He tries to move, to go to her, to put take her hand in apology, but it is a mistake he instantly regrets.
“Don’t touch me.”
She pushes him away with enough force to bruise and he falls backward, landing hard on the ground. There are angry tears in her eyes as she brings a hand to her mouth.
“I’m sorry,” she says, backing away from him.
“Touka—”
But she’s gone, and he’s left, once again, to only memories and regrets.
Two months pass and in that time, Souta has begun to undermine Hide’s popularity. Now maintaining his control over the circus and especially on the tents he created the contents of, is becoming more and more of a curse that shackles him. He prides himself on his stamina however, and for the time being, he is able to match up to Souta in terms of power and wit.
He presses the champagne to his lips as he watches Souta speak jovially to a group of aerialists dressed in lace and feathers in varying shades of red and orange. They giggle at all his jokes and fan themselves almost constantly. He remembers what Marude said: I doubt they’d be so quick to flatter me if I weren’t giving them the gold they need for their dresses and face paint. As he eyes the aerialists and the way they gravitate toward Souta’s easy smile, he starts to truly understand and fear for the fate of the circus should Souta take control of it.
Hide feels his stomach turn at the thought and decides that he has had enough alcohol for the evening. As he searches for a tray to return his half-finished flute of champagne, he catches the eye of one particularly handsome man. He does not recognize him and though this fills him with suspicion, he feels drawn to this creature that looks more Renaissance sculpture than living, breathing man.
“Bonsoir,” the mysterious guest says, inclining his head to Hide with a slight smile that is more reminiscent of a smirk than anything else.
“Bonsoir to you as well,” Hide says. “I don’t believe we’ve met?”
“Yes, how uncharacteristically rude of me,” the guest chuckles before extending his hand to Hide. “My name is Shuu. You must be the circus-master’s son, Hideyoshi.”
“Hide is alright.”
Shuu arches a perfect eyebrow. “Nickname?”
“They tend to stick easier to memory,” Hide says, a little breathlessly. It is getting harder and harder for him to remember what he is supposed to be doing. Shuu’s eyes, his face, and his body, if separate, are manageable, but altogether they suggest temptations beyond Hide’s wildest imagination. Perhaps it is the champagne in his blood, but he allows himself to be coaxed into lengthy flirtation and fleeting caresses that leave room for wanting.
Soon the night grows hot, and the antiques room is growing much too crowded for their liking. They slip away from the manor under the cover of darkness. A few guests wandering the garden call out to them, but are too drunk to remember their faces. Hide enjoys the freedom the nighttime cityscape offers. He and Shuu stumble through the labyrinthine streets, kissing and grasping at whatever they can touch of each other.
Hide loosens his collar and drops his black silk bowtie onto the cobblestones. Shuu’s fingers trace his bare collarbones and he shudders at the touch. Shuu murmurs something in French, and Hide exhales.
“What does that mean?”
Shuu’s eyes meet his and the intensity within his gaze is enough to inflame Hide’s senses. “I said, I want to see all of you.”
Hide shivers at the words, and yet manages a snarky grin. “Well, what are you waiting for? Take me home, bel homme.”
Shuu’s lips cover his and he is lost, for a moment, in senseless wonder. “I hope you do not regret tempting me,” he says in between hungry kisses. “Shall we?”
They pause for air, and in amidst the sounds of their ragged breathing, Hide whispers, “Yes.”
Perhaps a month of similar meetings later, Hide stirs in the sheets and pushes himself up. Light streams in from the windows and he feels a familiar ache in his back and hips that reminds him of the previous night with embarrassing clarity. He squints through the morning sunlight and sees Shuu carrying a tray with two cups to bed. Hide catches the strong scent of coffee and accepts his cup from Shuu with a grateful nod.
“You’ve gotten rather tenacious in bed,” Shuu comments. “And you’ve learned to ride with more efficiency.”
The suddenness of it makes Hide choke on his coffee and he takes a moment to bend over and cough until the discomfort passes. Shuu rubs circles into his bare back, laughing.
“Are you usually this technical with everyone you sleep with?” Hide asks, feigning disgust.
“Only with the ones that improve the fastest.”
“Was the first time really so unsatisfactory,” he says flatly, to which Shuu laughs again and pats him on the head as one would to a child.
“Of course not.” Shuu drains his cup and gestures for Hide’s. He returns both cups to their tray and gets up from the bed a second time. Hide watches as he gathers up his clothes from the floor and tosses them into a basket to one corner of the room, presumably to wash later. He then goes to the bathroom to wash his face and shave. He does all of this with only his underwear on and Hide is treated to a long and satisfying exhibition of Shuu’s smooth, white legs.
“So,” Shuu says from the bathroom as he pulls his razor over his cream-slathered chin, “who is Ken?”
Hide’s head snaps up so fast that he feels a thunderclap of pain for a few seconds. He winces and waits for the tingling to subside but by then, Shuu has already answered his own question.
“I’ve met the young gymnast—Touka, was it?—and I’ve heard of your past relationship.”
He winces, again, at the word past. “Yes, she and I… We were lovers.”
“And this Ken person, I suppose, is the reason why you’ve been out of sorts enough to have sex with a man you just met?”
“He’s not the only reason,” Hide mutters, flushing.
“Oh, I’m certain he’s not. You murmur more than one name in your sleep you know.” Shuu pauses. “Hmm. It’s getting rather hot all of a sudden. I wonder if someone forgot to turn off their heater.” He looks over at Hide, who has bunched up the sheets around him. “Do you feel it?”
“A little,” Hide lies. The source of the heat does not feel the heat, of course.
“Just when I mention it, it’s cooler now,” Shuu says. “How strange.” He shrugs slightly and shaves off the last of his early morning stubble. He steps out of the bathroom and begins to rummage through his closet for clothes to wear. Hide, with one of the sheets wrapped around his naked body, takes Shuu’s previous spot in front of the mirror and splashes water on his face.
Later, when they are both dressed, they leave the flat and head for the direction of the circus grounds just outside of the city.
Before Shuu leaves, he says, “I believe this will be the last I see of you.”
Hide stares at him. “What? Why?”
“I can’t continue being your distraction, mon ami. It was pleasing… perhaps even good for a while… but I do think that I might be in danger of feelings that I do not have the means to fend off against.”
He feels his whole body going numb as he realizes that the distance that Shuu had put between them as they walked had been entirely intentional. “You’re saying that you’re afraid of falling in love with me. Why did you stay so long, then, if you were going to leave in the end anyway?” He doesn’t mean for it to come out as bitter as it tastes in his mouth, but it does, and Shuu gives him what appears to be an irritatingly patronizing look.
“I am not the same as you,” Shuu tells him. “I can only have room for one person in my heart, whereas it would seem that you are capable of loving more than one or two.”
They gaze at each other for a long moment, and then Shuu reaches out to touch Hide’s cheek. Hide allows the caress, and he closes his eyes, trying to burn the feeling to memory, of a love that might have been, but never will be.
He watches Shuu leave, and turns to the circus backlit by the setting sun. He can see the lanterns being lit, and it is a simple matter to close his eyes and sense every peg, every rope, stage prop. He can see, without seeing, every person preparing for a night of performances. He can taste the food, smell the cooking popcorn, even from a mile away.
Somewhere within those tents is Touka, painting her cheeks for her performance. And somewhere, further away, in the direction of the sun, out in the sea, possibly asleep in his ship, is Ken. Thinking of them both is as painful as taking a hot blade and slowly pushing it into his gut. But he knows that he has only been weak thus far. He needs to make his decision which he has already put off for so long.
The question is, will either of them be willing to make room for Hide and each other in their hearts?
He hopes against hope that they will. It is his last thread to hold onto and if it snaps, then he has to give up on both of them completely.
As Hide approaches the gates of the circus, he sees a figure waiting for him. He squints and when he recognizes who it is, his heart plummets.
“You’re quite early today,” Souta says cheerily.
“They do say the early owl gets the mouse,” Hide replies with equal gaiety. “Just my own spin on the old saying, of course.”
“Of course,” Souta echoes and his unsuppressed glee begins to unnerve Hide. Simply standing so close to each other is charging the air, electrifying it and making the hair on Hide’s body stand on end.
“Any other reason you thought to greet me at the gates this evening?” Hide asks. A completely innocent question, he presumes, will derive the best results.
“Only to deliver a bit of advice.”
“Advice?”
Hide frowns as Souta leans in with a positively devious smile.
“I find that two lovers are more troublesome than one,” he says, breath hot against Hide’s ear, “especially when both of them love you, quite literally, till death do you part—”
Hide fists the collar of Souta’s dress shirt and violently jerks him forward, seething. “What did you do to them?” he snarls.
“Nothing at all, my good man,” Souta says, putting on a façade of innocent confusion and raising both hands as if that can cleanse him of fault. “As I’ve said, I’m only sharing a bit of advice, and you haven’t even let me finish.”
“Talk then,” Hide growls. “Or pact be damned, I’ll turn you to ash.”
Souta throws his head back, laughing. “Alright, alright, yes, my lonely little rabbit. I suggest taking the next train headed north, or the inquisition will be seeing two heads chopped off instead of only one.”
Horror curdles Hide’s blood and he lets Souta fall to the ground with his shirt disheveled and now covered in dirt. He takes a step back as he realizes that Souta’s plans have only just fallen into place. The reason why Ken had been in the circus that night, the reason why Ken hadn’t been recognized and taken custody of even once in all his time in the circus, and the reason now, why Ken had been arrested and put on death row, with Touka hurtling north to save him for Hide’s sake. If Hide leaves now, he will be forced to accede control to Souta.
He watches, with unbridled disgust and dread as Souta gets on his feet with a smile like he’s won, but in truth, he has never been playing the same game.
“Your choice, whore-son?” Souta asks with a sneer.
Hide curses, and the tempest inside him spills over into reality. Plants around him wither, turn into ice and fire. The air coagulates like blood and it all, for a moment stinks of rot.
“I will make sure you regret ever involving them in this,” he says, wrath lacing every word. “I will make you suffer ten times anything they have suffered because of you.”
Souta’s lips quirk upward into an eerie grin. “I’d like to see you try.”
