KANKRI: *There is the soft sound of a pen tapping against note paper echoing through the otherwise mostly empty library as Kankri zones out on a completely blank page while sitting at one of the tables. He wasn't really doing anything, not even thinking of something in particular, just sitting quietly and to himself. Everyone needed down time, even him.*
ARANEA: *aranea has 8een watching him, on and off, for some time. it's nice to see someone in the li8rary, and she thinks its likely due to her advertising that anyone is even here right now, even if that isn't entirely the truth... still, she's getting a little 8ored, and even though it isn't something she SHOULD 8e doing... she decides to distur8 kankri's thoughts 8y passing 8eside him and pausing at his ta8le.*
ARANEA: Hello again.
ARANEA: I hope I'm not distur8ing you, 8ut I was wondering what you're writing there.
KANKRI: *Kankri stops his pen half way down to the paper as he is stirred from his thoughts enough to turn his head and blink at his visitor. He does recognize her better this time around, and when she inquires as to what he is up to he looks down at the notebook in front of him.* Uh. Well. Currently n9thing I supp9se. Alth9ugh quite 9ften I usualy am writing s9mtething 9f imp9rtence 9r w9rthy 9f n9te taking when I have 9ne 9f my j9urnals in fr9nt 9f me, this is a rare 9ccurence y9u managed t9 catch me in actually. I must have just f9und myself having 6een distracted. *Kankri then raises his gaze off his paper and back to her face again.* It is a pleasure t9 see y9u again, Aranea.
ARANEA: You too! *she smiles pleasantly 8efore deciding to take a seat 8eside him*
ARANEA: Well, if you aren't writing anything at the moment, then what do you specifically take to documenting under normal circumstances, if I may ask?
KANKRI: *He doesn't entirely mind the company she presents, and turns himself a bit more in his chair to seem more open to her.* Well this particular 699k, *He taps it gently with his hand.* Is m9stly filled with pre-written ideas 9f mine f9r future f9rmats 9f carefully w9rded, and el9quently put essays regarding a variety 9f imp9rtant t9pics and cultural, s9c9-p9litical issues. Alth9ugh recently it has als9 6een h9using n9tes 9n s9me particular individuals f9r me t9 keep in mind when speaking with them. Just a few 9bvi9us triggers, 9r t9uchy su6jects t9 av9id 6reaching in c9nversati9n really. N9thing t99 maj9r.
ARANEA: Oh, I see. *what a 8low hard! of course, she wouldn't feel that way if daelos hadn't already given her the impression that kankri was sort of immature. 8ut even so, she wasn't a8out to turn down his company either. and she was, admittedly, very curious a8out all the topics he's apparently 8een writing a8out. some more than others.*
ARANEA: Notes on individuals, you say... It hardly even occurred to me to consider what might 8e sensitive and triggering to those on 8oard the ship. Would you mind sharing some of that with me so that I can avoid upsetting anyone?
KANKRI: Hmm. *He taps the pen between his forfinger and thumb for a moment, thinking on it.* I am a 6it unsure. 9n 9ne hand, it w9uld 6e useful f9r y9u t9 kn9w h9w t9 av9id creating any unc9mf9rta6leness, and help devel9p a m9re 6r9ad safe space f9r th9se I might menti9n, h9wever these things were said t9 me in c9nfidence, and I d9n't kn9w if all 9f them are meant f9r sharing.
KANKRI: H9w well versed are y9u 9n a usual list 9f av9ida6le t9pics?
ARANEA: ... *not well at all* I like to think I'm receptive to what is typically unsettling for most people, and that understanding a8solutely extends to those with a history of violent experiences, like most of those on 8oard.
KANKRI: That is an excelent start 9f c9urse. *He n9ds.* 6ut y9u sh9uld als9 keep in mind that it is n9t always a vi9lent past that can result in the f9rmati9n 9f particular trigger w9rds, acti9ns, 9r even lack 9f either. Pe9ple can 6e f9rced int9 unc9mf9rta6le frames 9f mind, em9ti9nal status, and physical unwellness thr9ugh many different facets and catag9ries. F9r 9ne, s9me9ne c9uld 6e 9ffended with the menti9ning 9f particular s9cial cust9ms (9r lack 9f tri6ute paid t9 said cust9m), an example 6eing the disrespect 9r wr9ngful appr9priati9n 9f East 6ef9rian dialect 9r fashi9n. S9mething that may seem insignificant t9 y9u can actually have a much larger inpact 9n th9se t9 wh9 it effects, 9r t9 th9se wh9 identify with the issue and 9r s9c9-p9litical relevence. Speaking 9f identificati9ns, that 9pens up a wh9le 9ther can 9f pr9ver6ial earth w9rms when it c9mes t9 things 9ne must pr9ceed with cauti9n in relati9n t9. Y9u see, y9u cann9t judge 6y face value h9w 9r what s9me9ne aligns with 9n any scale, this is critical t9 keep in mind as unf9rtunatly m9st all cultures and species's s9cieties rev9lve ar9und 9ne stere9type 9r an9ther, its h9rrifically c9m9n place, and it is y9ur duty as an enlightened individual t9 keep in mind t9 try and remem6er that n9rmativity is a mindset and n9t an end all alternitive t9 h9w we sh9uld accept 9thers. Yes, while usually a maj9rity fit the standard "N9rmal" c9n9tati9ns f9r that gr9up, it is just as c9m9n t9 find th9se wh9 d9 n9t, and th9se wh9 d9 n9t find their identites 9r 6eliefs aligning with the regularly assumed (Pr96lematic term there, as it is very terri6le t9 assume anything, please keep that in mind as we c9ntinue) r9les 9r duties that pertain t9 them. Its a gr9ss understatement in saying that this s9rt 9f tragety is c9ntained in just religi9us, racial, and- well f9r humans anyways, gender c9nstricti9ns (As tr9lls d9 n9t suffer with much change in diversity with treatment in regards t9 the difference in sexes. We are a matriarchal s9ciety after all.) 6ut with each 9f the universes vast c9llecti9n 9f races, there are partiucular catag9ries 9f hardship and painful 9pressi9n 9f identites that each face.
KANKRI: *He takes a short break* Are y9u understanding me thus far?
ARANEA: Ah... *squinting a little, unsure if she finds this sudden essay she's listening to annoying or... fascinating. he sure went off on a tangent she hadn't 8argained for! 8ut who is she to turn down information of any kind.*
ARANEA: Yes. Yes I am.
KANKRI: *Kankri brightens up a bit when she says that she follows.* W9nderful, I shall c9ntinue then! N9w as I was saying, when it c9mes t9 9ur species in particular I pers9nally feel there is an igregi9us lack 9f awareness f9r a particular f9rm 9f identity, which w9uld 6e the Hem9-Identifiers. Y9u never specified where y9u were fr9m in any 9f 9ur previ9us enc9unters, 6ut I find that hardly any9ne 9n 6ef9rus has any regards t9 the imp9rtance 9f hem9-identifiers and their uses, and quite usually 6ef9rus is seen as the m9st accepting planet 9ccupied 6y a wh9leistically entirely tr9ll p9pulati9n (Alth9ugh I feel that it gets m9re credit then it is w9rth at times.) Carrying 9n h9wever, I will pr9ceed as th9ugh y9u have n9 previ9us kn9wlege 9f what hem9-identifiers are, and at any p9int when I pause feel free t9 alert me that y9u have already heard it 6ef9re. *Although he never once takes a pause to allow her to do so.* Y9ur hem9-identifiers are, in a simplified sense, H9w y9u ch9se and prefer t9 present and represent y9ur self aligned hem9-c9l9ring shade. An example w9uld 6e that I myself am an identifier 9f the 9ff-spec classificati9n, which implies that my aligned hem9-type is n9t f9und in the usual catag9ries held in the hem9-spectrum. There is als9 cis-6l99d gr9upings, 6eing th9se wh9 identify with their HDC (Hatching Designated C9l9r) 6ut there are th9se wh9 find themselves actually identifying with a c9mplete 9therside 9f the spectrum. An example 9f this w9uld 6e a tr9ll wh9 finds themselves, while 6eing a DTAH (Designated Teal At Hatchdate), m9re pr9pperly aligned with the s9cial pr9jecti9ns and expectati9ns 9f the Yell9w greens (Av9iding the pr96lematic term "Lime 6l99d" as there are c9n9tati9ns with mass gen9cide, and previ9us micr9 and macr9-agressi9ns t9wards that particular hue 9f the spectrum), 9r 9chre shades. There are als9 even facti9ns f9r th9se wh9 identify as m9re then just 9ne caste, which w9uld 6e an individual wh9 sees themselves as p9ly-6l99ded, and even th9se wh9 view themselves as 6eing c9mpletely 9ff the kn9wn spectrum, which as I menti9ned 6ef9re is where we happen t9 fall. 9f c9urse I em6race my heavy and rare p9siti9n 9f cis-6l99ded 9ff-spec, 6ut I carry it with the 6urden kn9wing that I must take care t9 check my under-privilaged privilage, as th9se wh9 6el9ng t9 kn9wn hem9-castes suffer under different 6urdens then myself. F9r instance y9u y9urself, 9n 6ef9rus, w9uld suffer under the "6lue-6l99d's 6urden." 6y hatchright, charged with caring f9r th9se 9n the l9wer end 9f the spectrum and keeping in mind their well 6eing, while carrying 9n the legacy 9f the arist9craty. H9wever that is far fr9m h9w the p9licy w9rks in practice, 6ut my d9es it s9und nice 9n paper. *The vague tone of sarcasm and the eye roll at the end of that sentance make it clear what his stance on that particular topic is.*
ARANEA: *squinting a little, 8ut mostly out of thought* Sorry, 8ut can you explain this concept to me in more-- Er. Can you more concisely define the mentality 8ehind "hemo identific8tion?" Pardon my ignorance, 8ut 8lood color is hardly the same as other forms of identities, which are most certainly constructions of a society. Such as human gender, as you 8rought up. So of course one should 8e free to choose their own identity, regardless of their design8tion chosen 8y ar8itrary 8iological factors alone. More specifically, one's 8iological sex.
ARANEA: And while the castes are a8solutely desgin8ted roles 8y troll societies, regardless of the planet from which you origin8, 8lood color is... literally defined at hatching 8y 8iological factors! If you are 8orn cerulean, then you are cerulean, are you not? You can't 8e any other color than what you are! 8ut should you have the freedom to choose the lifestyle you wish to live without the societal constraints shoved upon us unwittingly at our hatching? A8solutely!
ARANEA: 8ut disregarding these 8iological factors and replacing them with something new seems rather, well, pro8lematic to me! It only exacer88tes the issue of confining to the rigid structure of our expect8tions. Perhaps it is simply something I can't understand, as someone who is perfectly content with my own 8lood color... A "cis-cerulean," in the parlence you've provided.
KANKRI: Yes 6l99d c9l9r d9es happen t9 6e 9f a m9re 6i9l9gical c9nstruct in tr9ll s9ciety, 6ut make n9 mistake that it has all that much pertenence t9 the pers9n as a wh9le. Hem9-identifiers exist t9 pr9vide relief t9 th9se wh9 find daily disc9ntentment with the r9les asigned t9 them due t9 the hue 9f their 6l99d, which is ar6itrarily irrelivent t9 their character and l9gically h9w they sh9uld p9rtray themselves. Y9u are n9t the first t9 find themselves having tr9u6le with understanding the difference 6etween a hem9-identifier, and a HDC, I have g9tten similar resp9nces 69th in pers9n and am9ung chat f9rums 9n tr9llspace, and gru6chat during my m9re avid 6l9gging de6ate phases. Y9u see, hem9-identifiers d9 n9t hinder the 9pen mindset 9f an existence with9ut caste pressure, 6ut rather act as a gateway t9 th9se wh9 d9 n9t feel as th9ugh they must 6e limited t9 wishing f9r an existence in which things are 6lack and white, rather there is instead a grey scale if y9u w9uld 9f varrying c9nstructs 9f identity. While yes, it w9uld 6e w9nderful t9 live in a reality in which n9 9ne w9uld l99k up9n my 6l99d c9l9r and judge me f9r it, 6ut tr9ll s9ciety is heavily ingrained with elements 6ased 9n a p9wer spectrum. This is what makes it n9t s9 unsimilar fr9m the human gender n9rms and the s9cial implicati9ns, as y9u see, the human sex is n9rmally split 6etween male and female, which is designated and asigned 6ased 9n what sex characteristics that individual p9sses at "6irth" *Air quotes* and it then dictates their asigned "Gender" n9rmally fr9m that p9int 9nward. Tr9lls hatch with the 6i9l9gical characteristic 9f a particular 6l99d c9l9r, 6ut it is s9ciety which implies particular r9les up9n that hue, and it is n9t in fact an act 9f nature which determines the difference 6etween an empress and a 6urgendy, that 9nly c9mes int9 play 9nce the tr9ll is int9grated int9 s9ciety. Theref9r, it is p9ssi6le f9r a tr9ll t9, while 6i9l9gically speaking, 6e a mem6er 9f 9ne hue als9 find themselves envissi9ning themselves as apart 9f an9ther hem9-gr9up 6ased 9n their 9wn pers9nal feelings and traits. It is their alignment, rather then their s9cial c9nstruct, and it serves as a c9ping mechanism f9r th9se under the 9pressi9n 9f their 9therwise f9rced c9nf9rmacy.
ARANEA: Hmm. *she's giving this some serious consideration* Well, I still feel as though it can do more harm than good as a social movement, I must admit the merits of finding comfort in one's own personal identific8tion. Whatever makes a troll feel more themselves in this crazy mixed up existance of ours! Who am I to judge, really?
KANKRI: Well I am glad that y9u feel at least that much. Its a start in the right directi9n. *He concludes, twirling the pen twice along his fingers.*
ARANEA: It is important to keep an open mind... 8ut also to think critically! *nods knowingly*
KANKRI: 9h a6s9lutely. While y9u seem t9 struggle t9 understand s9me c9ncepts, its pleasing t9 kn9w y9u have a decent en9ugh head 9n y9ur sh9ulders in regards t9 m9re 6asic things. *Kankri smiles warmly at her.*
ARANEA: *she smiles warmly 8ack, 8ut her lip twitches ever so slighly in annoyance at the wording* ... Thank you...
KANKRI: Y9u are quite welc9me.
ARANEA: *she glances around a little awkwardly, wondering what she should talk a8out next... if anything.*
ARANEA: Well... If there is anything you need to help you with your research, don't hesit8te to ask. I may 8e a8le to suggest some reading material to you.
KANKRI: *Hes going to accept that offer right away.* Well actually, I have 6een w9ndering if this particular li6rary c9llecti9n has any st9ck in regards t9 human family s9ci9l9gy texts.
ARANEA: *thinks* I 8elieve we may have something... One moment. *she rises to her feet to peruse the nonfiction, sociology section, tracing her fingers over the spines 8efore she finds what she's looking for and returns to kankri's side.*
ARANEA: Here you are. A sociology 8ook from Earth with focus on the different forms of relationships, social norms, and much more.
KANKRI: *He waits quietly for her to return and when she does he grins at her, accepting the book.* Thank y9u, this sh9uld 6e helpful. I've recently disc9vered that there is a l9t I have t9 catch up 9n in regards t9 human family units, and I 6elieve it may help me in gaining a greater understanding int9 a few individuals in particular.
ARANEA: *hovers with a hand on her hip* Yes... You just might. Such rel8tionships are rather important to the humans around here.
KANKRI: S9 I have 6een n9ticing. *He starts to flip through the pages of the book to located the index.* I am als9 curi9us just h9w linked human genetics are with predisp9siti9ned em9ti9nal states, I was recently inf9rmed that they may 6e directly related t9 a particular inhertience, p9ssi6ly fr9m the male genetic d9nat9r, 6ut I w9nt say anything c9nclusive as it isn't exactly my area 9f expertise.
KANKRI: 6ut it w9uld 6e helpful inf9rmati9n t9 kn9w.
ARANEA: *perks up 8ecause she knows this!* Emotional and mental pro8lems are often passed along from parent to child through their genetic code. I'm sure the same could 8e said of trolls, 8ut as it is nearly impossi8le to trace our own 8lood lines, it is just as implausi8le to attempt to document.
ARANEA: 8ut say... If a human parent were to suffer from an illness such as depression, then the child would also 8e predispositioned for such an ailment. You see, while we all have dominant and recessive genes, it is possi8le for chemicals inside our 8odies to alter the pro8a8ility of particular genes predominating within the next gener8tion.
ARANEA: Which is why some personality traits appear so strongly, even in young which did not grow up in the company of their parents. Though, that is not to discredit the element of nurture, for that certainly also plays a role.
KANKRI: Hmm. And is it p9ssi6le t9 6e predisp9siti9ned t9 experience 69uts 9f anger and 9r agressive acti9ns? 9r I 6elieve the exact suggesti9n given t9 me was, . . . 9h what was it? *He puts a hand to his chin as he tries to remember.* . . . 9h! Intimidati9n. A natural intimidati9n fact9r, that was certainly it. C9uld s9mething like that 6e passed thr9ugh human genetics, 9r is it m9re 9f a nurture effect? I always interpreted it as a matter 9f nurturing, 6ut the way my c9nversati9nal partner w9rded it, it seemed like she implied he was 69rn with such things.
ARANEA: It could happen in either case! And I'm sure this 8ook will ela8or8te on it. *she can't help 8ut 8e curious, though...*
ARANEA: May I ask who you're referring to? Or was that spoken in confidence as well?
KANKRI: Well, n9 I d9n't 6elieve it was. As it wasn't s9 much a sessi9n, 6ut just casual c9nversati9n.
KANKRI: Y9u see, Dirk Strider and I have never really 6een 9n a g99d standing with each 9ther, in fact there have 6een a few times where 9ur talks g9t rather heated and there was 9ne incident, 6ut I digress a 6it. I happened t9, c9mpletely 6y accident mind y9u, enc9unter his 6i9l9gical m9ther, and we had a c9nversati9n a69ut h9w he seems t9 get particular traits fr9m his male genetic c9ntri6ut9r, 9r father.
ARANEA: Ah... Yes. Dirk. *shakes her head* It would 8e a case of genetics, then. He never knew his father until recently.
ARANEA: And 8elieve me, he was a pill even 8efore they met.
KANKRI: I w9uld 6elieve it. *He sighs a little.* That is a shame th9ugh. I mean, f9r n9w it w9uld seem we are 9n g99d standing with each9ther, 6ut I can never tell with him.
KANKRI: T9 6e h9nest, I d9n't think I can very well tell where I stand in regards t9 his hatchmate, Dave, either.
KANKRI: We did spend a large am9unt 9f time t9gether when we were captured and placed in the same cell f9r a m9nth, 6ut he always seemed t9 react p99rly t9 anything c9nstructive I tried t9 say t9 him in attempts t9 c9mf9rt his falling spirits at the time.
KANKRI: And I suspect he may als9 just n9t 6e f9nd 9f me.
ARANEA: *glances away at the mention of dave* Well, the Strider family is... frustr8ting like that. You never truly know where you stand with them.
ARANEA: I wouldn't take it too personally, if I were you.
KANKRI: I try n9t t9, 6ef9re I th9ught it was likely just a misunderstanding, 6ut if their m9ther was indeed right in saying s9, and their em9ti9ns d9 naturally express themselves that way then there may 6e a chance that I can s9me h9w find a 6etter way t9 navigate c9nversati9ns with them t9 gain a 6etter result. *HE HAS HOPE. Don't worry striders, he has not given up on you yet.*
ARANEA: If you say so. *this conversation topic may or may not make her a 8it uncomforta8le* ... Anyway, if you need anything else, I'll 8e over here at my desk. I'll leave you 8e for now, Kankri.
KANKRI: *He can't even tell if she is uncomfortable from talking about the striders, and it is likely he will bring them up in future conversations. Sorry Aranea.* Thank y9u, I will keep that in mind, Aranea. And als9 thank y9u again f9r the 699k, and this pleasent chat we had.
ARANEA: Thank you too. It was a nice change of pace for me. ::::) *turns away with a small sigh, shuffling 8ack to her desk and hiding herself 8ehind the computer there*
