(Correction, I’ve been informed you can make vegan tuna?)
1. Get canned tuna and open it. Drain out gross water. Wash hands profusely because coronavirus but also ew that water. Put tuna from can into vessel of some kind. Bowl will work but you could use a hat if that's all you have. Store bought is fine.
2. Probably should've been step one but pull out your toaster and toast some bread. I prefer that wheat bread that is secretly just brown white bread. Toast those lightly, or darkly, I'm not the boss of you.
3. Spoon some mayo into the tuna while your bread is breading. Better have a lot because you're going to put it on the bread, too. Also, have a frying pan on standby heating up.
3.5. Add a squirt of brown mustard to your tuna mayo mash. Then maybe another squirt. Then two shakes of hot sauce but like, it's the apocalypse so three shakes of hot sauce. Now for spices.
4. Shake in some salt, pepper and Old Bay. Use the pink salt because mom says it's better for you but you'll need to use more of that because it has no taste.
5. Add more salt.
6. The bread should have alerted you to it's readiness either by popping up or setting off your smoke detector.
7. Don't forget to mix up the tuna and other ingredients? That's important.
8. Salt.
9. Safely retrieve the bread which is now toast. Spread more fucking mayonnaise on one side of each piece. It would be both sides but I just forgot while making it.
10. That's right, baby, we're tunamelting it like a grilled cheese.
11. Slap one piece of bread in that hot frying pan, mayo side down, thus asserting your dominance over it and the other ingredients. Place a single deli size slice of cheese on it. I used mild cheddar because Aldi was a bitch and didn't have yellow sharp cheddar.
12. Yes, Yellow makes a difference when buying Cheddar.
13. What was I doing? OH, turning up the heat to six because the mayo doesn't look like it's browning.
14. Scoop some tunamash onto the bread that is cooking. Then, strategically tuck it in for the night with a layer of baby spinach. Their sacrifice will be worth it in the end, apparently like your grandparents for the economy.
15. Place the non-mayo side of your remaining piece of bread on top of the whole shebang.
16. When the first pan side of bread is a brunette, flip the whole sandwich so you can redye the remaining blonde side.
17. Again, outer crunchiness or your smoke detector will alert you to your sandwich's readiness.
18. Remove the sandwich from the pan before eating. I also like to slice it down the middle because I'm not a heathen like you triangle slicers.