I need you. More than you will ever know. Maybe more than you need me. I have to admit that, the thought scares me. Because I love you so much more than I could ever hope to tell you. I hope you still see these posts, and I hope that I don’t mess this up and lose you.
My head’s been such a mess lately and it’s hard to tell what’s really going on and what’s just in my head. Because sometimes it seems that we’re perfectly fine, and other times you start to show that same distance I’ve seen too many times before. The distance that scares the living shit outta me. So close to a year now without that distance. And I keep holding on to the promises we’ve made. To November. You said yourself, promised even, that THIS time, FINALLY, is our time. Forever and always. But, the fact of the matter is, I’m scared. Some things are too similar and I just can’t lose you again. I can’t take it. And sometimes babygirl, I need the reassurance that I won’t lose you. Sometimes I need to not be the first one to say things. I’m sorry I’m needy and clingy. Especially right now. I’m sorry I get so messed up and scared.
I don’t know what the point of this post is. Maybe it’s a desperate attempt to get these thoughts and fears out of my head. Maybe it’s a need for reassurance. Whatever it is, this post, while it is for you, is really more for us. I have no doubt in my mind that we’re supposed to be together. I love you. And as I said before, I hope you still see my posts. And I’m sorry if this makes you upset. It’s not my intention at all. Please believe that. I’m just. Scared right now. And I really have no idea why.
