#turtlejournal

[squishyturtlee]

Day 198 of 365

I don't understand men who think they have some type of claim over you. You don't pay my bills? You don't feed me? You don't work for me? You don't keep a roof over my head? Last time I checked YOU hit ME up asking $20 for weed. My own momma don't even keep tabs on me for me to have some nigga which I ain't even committed too to do that. BYEEEE.

[squishyturtlee]

Day 197 of 365

Of all the men you've seen that year, that month, that day, something about you said let me give him my phone number. So now what? You gonna run around and get every man that you run into a experience that you signed up for? How are you gonna sign up FOR HIM, sign up FOR HER and now you running around angry, bitter and mad at everything and everybody. It ain't my fault. I never told you to make a baby with him or settle down with him.

Of course you're suppose to bring your experiences into a new relationship but all that bitter, angry, resentment, hostility and shit that you carry... I don't like you. You are just angry. You are mad.

[squishyturtlee]

Day 191 of 365 | everything is looking up.

I hear often from friends that I make no time to be social, that I'm always at home or at work and when the semester starts, school. When I go out it's for like 3 days straight and then I won't go out for another month or two, I kid you not this is what I do. I don't know, the whole drinking, partying, bar hopping and smoking gets old for me. I think I'm a 40yr old in a 21yr olds body. (lol) Sometimes I think this is WHY I don't crave to be in relationships because I'm not down for the going out. I suppose I'll meet that person that brings out that part of me, at least I hope.

I was a complete idiot with school but thankfully I was still able to get classes I needed for the Fall. Looks like I'm going to spend another birthday working + school but it's ok, I actually prefer that. As of now, Vegas is also cancelled, siiiiiiiigh. I just don't think it's possible with work and school starting the day after. Here's how I look at it though, I'm going to be starting my 2nd year of college and by then I should have received by promotion at work, Vegas can wait. I can get drunk in L.A. any day anyways. (haha).

Happy! Happy! Happy!

[squishyturtlee]

Day 184 of 365

I was planning to do nothing these days off but my friends have made me get out of my cave for 4th of July.

Tomorrow I'll be in the valley to have lunch with my best friend and her boyfriend (I finally get to meet the lucky man she won't stop talking about!) then I'm going to hang out with them for a while and head out to Sylmar with my other best friend and her family. I haven't seen them in a long time. Her dad is so excited that I'm going mostly because he loves to drink with me. AND I get too see my baby bear.

It's always awkward when you're out with someone (of the opposite sex) and someone asks if you're together. First of all , mind your damn business and second of all, what you respond or that person makes or breaks that day with them. lol

[squishyturtlee]

Day 183 of 365 | liiiive liiiiife.

I've gotten SO BAD at these, blame work! I've been working like a damn slave! After 10 days straight and 8-10hr shifts I have 4 days off! Which I plan to spend catching up on my tv shows and running errands, which reminds me, I regret all those times when I was young and said I couldn't wait to be an adult, I mean what was I thinking.

Another note. I may not know EVERYTHING there is about electronics, phones, cables etc. but I swear men think I'm fucking stupid. 4/8 of my co workers (including me) are women and men always think they can out smart us... or respond to us like we don't know what we're talking about. It's so fucking insulting. Like yeah foo you got a dick, but at least I knew what you were looking for and you tried to treat me like I was stupid, bought the wrong thing and came back to get what I initially told you you were looking for. I love my job, I really do but I swear the men I come across make me wanna beat the shit outta them.

I feel like I have no social life and I don't want too. Does that make me lame? lol I'm always working so when I'm off I just want some ME TIME, yes I'm selfish and I'm okay with that because I have always done everything for everyone. Aside from Jeremy I don't even want to text or see anyone. haha. It's got nothing to do with people either, it's nothing personal and I ain't got beef with nobody but I'm just trying to do me and no one really understands that except Jeremy because he's doing the exact same thing. He just gets it you know? I don't have to say anything, he just knows. I need friends like this. Friends who get it and don't try to make you feel about doing things for yourself. And friends who don't make you feel about about having someone who encourages you to keep doing things for yourself. Cause to be perfectly honest, Jeremy is one of the most healthiest friendships I've had in a LONG TIME.

I love my life and I will not feel bad about the way I live it.

[squishyturtlee]

Day 175 of 365

2 people can make more sense being friends than they EVER did as couple.

[squishyturtlee]

Day 172, 173 & 174 of 365

I can't express what it feels like to be told how good you are at something, specially when that something is your job. Not just anybody but the Regional and District Managers. Then having 3 managers trying to get you to transfer to their stores.

Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time.

[squishyturtlee]

Day 171 of 365

Last night I was about to fall a sleep when I felt like something landed on my bed, so I turn around and I just got this really bad vibe all around me. I put my earphones on and I remember thinking as I was falling a sleep, "I hope I don't have nightmares again" and I had the same kind of nightmares again. They had stopped for like a week and then last night happened.

Sigh. I just don't know anymore.