I’m reading Beast for the first time, and I’ve also been reading the main manga from the beginning again. One of the weirdest narrative decisions in the series (in my opinion of course) is the insistence that Akutagawa started out heartless. That he was emotionless, entirely unfeeling. I get the character arc, I get it’s trying to set up for his growth. But it doesn’t make any sense to me the way it’s executed. To begin with, putting a child in a situation where they’re an orphan responsible not only for their own survival, but for that of their younger sibling as well, BUT WAIT, as if that isn’t already enough pressure, give him another 4 or 5 or 6 or more orphan children to watch out for too! Before I continue this rant this alone is completely negating anything about him being unfeeling because he doesn’t have to watch out for these kids…? He could leave. He could have taken Gin and left them. If he was heartless. If he was entirely cold and unfeeling. Hell, even that doesn’t mean he would be unfeeling. It’s already too much for any child to be responsible for their own survival. Realistically that would be a decision made to protect himself not out of cruelty. Those kids were not able to protect him, he was the one with the ability. He didn’t have to watch out for them. But he did. Let alone his reaction when they die? Really? Heartless? That’s what we’re going with? And the way that The Heartless Dog makes it sound like Akutagawa never experienced an emotion before Dazai. Which, is demonstrably untrue based on the above alone. But it’s also a weird thing the way that Akutagawa finally being able to express an emotion upon being given “meaning” by Dazai is often read as if Dazai is responsible for this emotion rather than the situation. If there is a way to say that this unfeeling Akutagawa works from the start, I can only kind of see it working if it’s meant to be because of trauma. Because he is so traumatized and has been so traumatized for essentially his entire life, that he has never been safe enough to let his guard down enough to express any emotion. When we meet his character he is still fighting for his survival every minute of every day, and is watching out for any possible situation in which any of these kids could get hurt. Emotions would be a weakness, there isn’t time for feeling. But it doesn’t mean he didn’t have them. And that we don’t see them as the reader. Because we do! Despite the words accompanying him constantly being “unfeeling” and “heartless.” It’s just a weird choice to me! But I guess maybe this take could be a way to explain why it would seem like he’s experiencing his first emotion when he meets Dazai because that was the end of that stage of his life and the beginning of what was supposed to be relative safety and a purpose in life. Giving him an opportunity to have a break from the constant trauma for the first time, thus allowing him to access his own emotions for the first time? (Before Dazai begins abusing Akutagawa himself of course) I think this is a weird take too though with him being traumatized as an explanation for it, because many of our characters have similar backstories, so why is he the one we’re supposed to see as emotionless? We aren’t shown Chuuya or Atsushi in the same light. Even Dazai, despite his own empty eyes and proclivity for violence. Yeah, sure, everybody deals with trauma differently, but saying here’s this character, he’s a heartless kid who never displays any emotion. He also protects this group of other orphan children and his little sister and is broken when the other orphan kids get killed. But he’s heartless, don’t forget! It’s just weird to me as I’m reading the manga again and reading Beast for the first time how this emotionlessness is so hammered into the narrative about him. It bothers me. Obviously.