Willow: "..you know, Jonathan, I.. really hate being touched. At—least I've come to hate it after a while."
Jonathan: "..how come?"
Willow: "I.. I don't know. I know that before Desolatus, I was fine with it. I didn't mind being near other people—I would let people hold me, I'd let people put their hand on my shoulder, I'd let people hold my hand. It didn't matter to me if people touched me or not—considering I saw no reason to tell them to stop. But—after.." (She hesitates.) "..after.. he.. did what he did, and after I was stuck there for so long, I just.. how can I not be held without thinking of how he would embrace me even when I pushed him away over and over? How can I let someone lean over me—when all it does is remind me of when he stood over me as I shook in terror while memories of battle felt like they were being stabbed into my mind? How can I let someone put a hand on my shoulder—when all it does is remind me of the feeling of pure terror I felt at the realization that he had still found me even after I hid from him? How can I let someone hold my hand when it just—reminds me of when he'd make me go to places even when I didn't want to—?"
Willow, noticing shes been rambling: "I'm.. I'm sorry. I just.. can't really put it into proper.. I can't really focus on being concise and coherent about him when everything about—him—just makes me so.. angry, and.."
Jonathan: "It's—It's fine. It's fine. I.. understand. Is.. that why you seemed so quiet after..?"
Willow: "Somewhat. It—wasn't her fault. I just know that when I felt her hand touch my shoulder, it felt.. I didn't.." (She pauses, seeming afraid.) "I—I don't know! It felt such a feeling of dread, and.."
Jonathan, softly in an attempt to calm her down: "..right. I get it, I get it—" (He scoots away, trying to calm her down without scaring her.) "We don't need to talk about it right now. I know its been hard since you got away from there. Why don't you get some rest? It might be better for you, since today's been stressful for all of us.:
Willow: "I—think I'll do that." (Smiling bitterly, as if to imitate her childhood self.) Thank you lot's, Jonny."
Jonathan, laughing barely: "..of course, Willow."
(Willow leaves the room, to go find the private room Jonathan left for her—which also happens to be the same one Martin stayed in while hiding from Jane Prentiss at the Archives. Jonathan pauses, and sighs.)
(The tape ends. Later, another one clicks on, and Jonathan seems to have gone back to his office. He now speaks aloud to himself in a soft tone, as muffled speaking between Melanie and Goergie comes from outside.)
Jonathan: "I'm.. not against the idea of her resting. I know she's been dealing with a lot. I can't help but—worry though. She always seems to try finding ways to hide from all of us. She—seemed like she was ready to run if she had to earlier, when I went in there to see if she was alright. Her eyes seemed so.. wide—like she was seeing someone else entirely speak to her in that moment. She seemed very relieved when she was told she could go back to sleep." (He pauses.) "Sometimes, it.. feels like she IS hiding from us, or at least trying to. And whenever someone 'finds' her, she always seems to expect the worst. I have no idea what really goes on inside my cousin's head—I really don't. But I know I hate seeing her like this.. I'm—going to try talking to her later, if I can. Or.. if she doesn't try to rush me away from her."
(Jonathan sighs again.)
Jonathan, sadly: "Recording ends."
(The tape clicks off.)
————
Little side note:
'Thank you lots, Jonny.', is something Willow used to say a lot to Jonathan either in her letters to him while they were young children, or during her visits to him. Though she would always add a apostrophe in the middle of the t and s in lot's for seemingly no reason, which Jon found amusing. Occasionally though, even while they're older, Willow references it or jokes about it—and Jon occasionally makes little jokes about it as well. Despite everything, they are very close with one another, and are the closest family member the other has (considering Willow finds out her father is also gone when she gets back—due to him apparently being missing after going back to the air force, and never coming back after a battle he has with an opposing millitary force—no one knows if hes alive or dead, though Willow isn't sure how to feel about it since even if he had good intentions and seemed to care about her—he did kind of shove her into the millitary after repeatedly trying to convince her to join, so shes more so just upset that the millitary even managed to steal her dad from her too. While her father was ignorant to the darker parts of the military, he still did contribute to a lot of bad things in it even if he did seem to think it was justified, which is why shes confused on how to feel about it.)