being a person with aspd ( and NPD ) is a fucking prison
im either faking because I can force myself to get along with others ( which is almost always a front , it's either this or im masking , even with people I may be interested in and may feel comfortable with , until they can prove their spot on my hierarchy and depending on if they meet my specific requirments I might consider them somebody worth becoming closer to )
and/or-- im being nice to my chosen people , whom are the only people I actually try caring for and try being better for , but because im trying im just " a faker whos just confused and asocial / introverted " >_>
or im just pure evil and always ALWAYS have malicious intent and storm clouds follow me and babies cry when they see my face
and am apparently free game to be considered a " threat " or potential " vIoLenT KiLleR ! " just for breathing
like dude i am literally a mentally ill person
I may struggle with accountability , and i understand that your disorders aren't excuses , but my disorders , my PERSONALITY disorders , are definitely going to be a reason , and are GOING to affect me .
I can't really change that , the only thing I can control is how I react and fix things afterwards , which will still not always be perfect and to what people want me to be like because some of the time I literally will just not be able to !! because im ill !
crazy how that works out huh












