#tw. overdose

[jimshowitz]

『 ALEX WOLFF ❙ CIS-MALE 』⟿ looks like EFRAYIM “JIM” GERSHOWITZ is here for HIS SOPHOMORE year as an UNDECLARED student. HE is 21 years old & known to be IMPENITENT, EXPERIMENTAL, SLOPPY & A LITTLE LOST. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them.

obo hopping on thy Second muse train... u kno the drill like if u r interested n ill come trotting into ur dms like a prizewinning showpony chasing a baby carrot

tw: drug addiction, overdose, homelessness

doesnt remember his own birthday but its probably on october 30th 1998 1999 one of those.... somewhere arnd that time... scorpio.... born in philadelphia....

comes from an orthodox jewish family tht is extremely devout. the whole nine yards. he was partially homeschooled n attended jewish day school..... grew up all too caught up in the fact tht, in his mind, his life wld be just like his brothers, his cousins n his fathers

with tht mentioned, jim was (and still is) 100% convinced tht he wouldnt be (isnt) anyone special in this life n would accomplish nothing notable. hes the oldest of two other brothers tht are just copied and pasted from his parents in terms of personality.... they dont even show any signs tht they resist — its odd to be the only one aware of how dire the situation ur in actually is

n its not even being orthodox thts confining, its jst the lack of communication in his family. he has nowhere n nobody to look to for guidance with his own mental health while being conscious tht smth is a little off with his moods..... the older he gets the more hollow he feels..... n he almost relents to his familys wishes n turns a blind eye to his own brain in the course of his mid-late teens

bt then hes graduated.... already set to attend yeshiva college......

comes along the mention of an arranged marriage in his future

thts enough to encourage him to get out. he knew tht someday the conversation wld come along bt it was just too much to bear. he gathers as many of his things he can fit into a backpack n takes off to the streets, hops on a bus and never looks back. its one of those decisions tht doesnt even process completely in ur own head, and it leads him into the depths of downtown new jersey

(tw. drug addiction, overdose, homelessness) hes hopping from shelter to shelter for months without end n during this time he is around all the wrong people. its not too long before the pressure is intolerable.... he turns to anything to get his mind somewhere else or even jst turn it off. was addicted to xanax for a while n overdosed in the middle of the sidewalk one evening...... by the early morning nobody had done a thing. he was out fr a couple hours, possibly longer, n realized tht there was absolutely nobody concerned with his wellbeing

its the lowest point he was ever at! really freaking horrible...... i dnt even like to talk abt it too much at length to b honest

(end tw.) it is impactful enough tht he seeks out help frm hearsay at a shelter, finding a program that deals with addiction..... it improves his willingness to make progress. gives him hope n his sponsor encourages him to take strides towards pursuing college again (going as far as to pay for his first years tuition at the university she attended back in her heyday.......... radcliffe)

so now its the start of his second yr there and hes all by his lonesome covering tht tuition..... n u know what that means? three jobs to make ends meet n keep this shit going. its kind of hard to find any sort of motivation in doing so since hes not sure where his education is taking him, but it keeps a roof ovr his head n thats wht matters

kind of a Phreak n has lost a lot of himself under the influence of drugs but is regaining bits of his memory n whatnot as time goes by. his sponsor is a woman in her 60s with no family and a late husband so they r quite close n he considers her his mother figure rn. does a lot of abstract painting to deal with everything going on inside of his cranium....... doesnt cope well with producing art he isnt proud of and goes to lengths to destroy it completely and i mean Completely

trying to stay sober but failing more often than not.... wld rly love to have a bad influence connection but thts the only thing tht comes to mind right off the bat

aesthetics wld be... being at peace with snowflakes blanketing over you, antique swap meets, asking for forgiveness with a mouthful of sour candy, rough paintbrushes, television sets cracked open like an egg on the parking lot pavement, cheap breakfast in the middle of the night, wearing a poorly concealed black-eye to visit your grandparents, patched up t-shirts, dresser drawers full of liquor store trinkets.

other thn wht i mentioned up there in terms of connections im rly open to anything and everything... toss ideas my way n i will gladly give u my two cents.... not thee best intro bt i was rly trying to get this whole thing broken down into tiny bits and pieces so we can Get Things Rolling

[kingofgxdo]

                          ajay apareceria na festa de tahani e tariq sendo convidado ou não e era um fato tão verídico que se fosse o segundo caso talvez as pessoas sequer percebessem. poderia ser uma festa num asilo, mas ele iria e tentaria agitar tudo. era um amante de festas e gostava de carregar os amigos para estas. não precisou insistir para convencer a melhor amiga de ir junto, deixando valentina com uma babá. depois do jogo de verdade ou desafio, onde combinou com a aniversariante de se encontrar no banheiro para lhe dar seu “presente”, ajay saiu de perto de billie jean sem dizer nada, o que era comum. quem o conhecia sabia para onde ele iria e o que iria fazer. ainda conseguia ouvir a música e as pessoas falando do lado de fora do banheiro que não se lembrara de fechar, tão ansioso para aquilo que o fato da porta estar fechada já era alguma coisa. 

                          [ TW: OVERDOSE ]

                          a cabeça parecia girar apesar e a euforia que tomava conta de seu corpo e mente aos poucos ia embora. as mãos tremiam enquanto ajay tentava reunir o pó em uma fileira perfeita, os olhos vidrados no que fazia embora piscasse rapidamente vez ou outra. ao terminar só precisou de um movimento pra sumir com aquela fileira, caindo sentado ao lado da pia com um sorriso vidrado e satisfeito. mal conseguia se manter, tonteando de um lado para o outro ao que aos poucos começava a sentir que o ar lhe faltava. bateu desesperado no armário do banheiro após tentativas frustadas de respirar normalmente, os lábios ficando arroxeados assim como todo o rosto. milhares de coisas e ao mesmo tempo nada se passava na cabeça de ajay, sua consciência sendo perdida a cada segundo.

@pirigxtica