[A/N]: Loosely based off of CrankThatFrank’s YouNow stream a few years ago. The way he stopped his stream and immediately went to Eva’s side has stuck with me for I don’t know how long, but it was something that I’ve looked back on and thought; “That’s love.” I used personal experience to make this as realistic as possible, and I think I did a pretty good job on capturing the feeling and mindset. Feedback is greatly appreciated. Requests are open!
You weren't sure how it started.
One minute you were laying on your bed, half-studying and half-watching a live stream, and the next you had your arms wrapped around your knees and the world felt like it was closing in.
Friday nights were reserved for your boyfriend's live streams, where he usually chatted with fans or did something spontaneous, and you usually never missed a stream. You loved listening to him read and answer their outrageous questions, his loud laugh making it seem as if he was right next to you.
Your boyfriend, Matty, was the frontman of a local band that had recently began to collect popularity. Although they had started to gain a bigger following, Matty continued these little live streams because he felt like it prevented him from getting too big of an ego. He wanted the fans to know that no matter how big the band got, he would still remain the same down to earth person he had always been.
So on Fridays, Matty dedicated his evenings to them. It wasn't a big deal to you at all. You knew how much the fanbase meant to him, and you still had every other day of the week to yourselves. Watching him interact with his fans made you smile, because you knew just how happy they made him. His happiness was your happiness, and that's all you really cared about.
It wasn't often you suffered from a panic attack, but when things started to overwhelm you, everything seemed to down spiral. You had been able to multitask studying and watching Matty several times before, but tonight the neighbors appeared to have guests over, and the music was growing annoying. You turned the volume up on your laptop in hopes to drown out the noise upstairs.
"Turn it down, or get some headphones." Yelled a voice from your door, making you look up. Your roommate stood in the doorway with an equally annoyed look on her face, a towel wrapped around her body.
"I don't have headphones." You explained, turning the volume down slightly.
"Then figure something out. You're not the only one in this building." She snapped before slamming your door shut.
"No kidding." You muttered under your breath, resting your forehead on your textbook. Turning your laptop down a bit more, you picked your head up and attempted to focus back on studying, but it was impossibly hard to pay attention to what you were reading with the music above making your head pulse with every beat. "I can't do this." You spoke abruptly, closing your book and pushing it away from you. Sitting up, you slid back against your pillows and brought your knees to your chest, resting your forehead against them. Taking a shaky breath, you attempted to block out everything around you, squeezing your eyes shut and focusing on your breathing. It worked for a minute until Matty's ringing laughter cut the silence and forced you back into reality. Chewing on your lip, you hesitated before grabbing your phone from next to your laptop and unlocking it.
{Matty.} You typed, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. {I know Fridays are your live days but I need you rn.} Sending the message, you watched the screen at the foot of your bed, patiently waiting for him to pick up his phone. After a few minutes, your pounding head was only growing worse and you decided just to call him. Tapping his contact, you brought the phone to your ear and listened to it ring, still watching the screen. Matty's face flashed with brief confusion as he looked at his phone, asking his viewers to excuse him for a moment.
"Hello?" He answered at last.
"Matty." You breathed, sliding your legs off the side of the bed and sinking to the floor, pressing your spine against the mattress. "I KnowThatFridaysAreYourLiveDaysButISeriouslyCan'tEvenBreatheRightNowAndINeedYou." You rushed, squeezing your eyes shut.
"Hold on, slow down." Matty told you, an edge of concern in his voice. "What do you mean you can't breathe? Are you alright? What happened? [Y/N] talk to me."
His concern offered you a bit of comfort, and you managed to take a deep breath before speaking again. "Everything is really overwhelming, my head is pounding, the upstairs neighbors are being loud, my roommate is being a bitch, and I just need to focus, but I can’t and I feel like I’m suffocating.." You told him, waiting for him to tell you to just get over it and stop being dramatic.
"You're at your flat? Stay there. I'll be over in five minutes." He responded, much to your surprise.
"M-Matty no its f-fine I'll get over it." You stammered, gripping your phone tight enough to turn your knuckles white.
"It's not fine.” He pressed. “I'm coming, just take deep breaths until I get there." You could hear him shuffling around on the other side of the receiver, most likely looking for his keys that he couldn’t keep track of to save his life.
"I love you." You mumbled softly, your laptop coming alive with noise as he sat back down at his desk.
"I love you too." You heard twice before he hung up. Your phone fell to your lap and you wrapped your arms around your legs, struggling to breathe like he told you to. "I've got to run for a bit, but I'll be back. [Y/N] is having an emergency and I need to help her out. I'll try and be back in an hour." Matty's voice came from your bed. You could hear the worry in his tone, and you cursed yourself for taking him away from his fans. Stupid. Selfish. They had been there for him longer than you had. Who were you to get in between? Pressing your forehead to your knees, you squeezed your eyes shut. "Okay. I'll tell her. I love you all. See you soon." Matty signed off, and once again you were left with the pounding music from above.
--
Your bedroom door opened and closed gently, and a pair of feet shuffled across the floor.
“[Y/N]? Darling where are you?” Matty called softly, walking around to the side of the bed where you sat. You probably looked pathetic, curled up into a ball between the wall and your night table. Matty got onto the floor, crossing his legs in front of you. “Love, I’m right here. It’s me. I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He spoke, holding a hand out to you. “Can you come here please? I want to hold you.”
Picking your head up slowly, you scooted out from the corner and crawled on all fours to him, allowing him to wrap his arms around you. You stayed like that for a moment, just sitting in his lap with your face against his neck, his hand brushing over your hair as he tried to stop your shaking. You wanted to push him away. Being this close to him was only increasing the suffocating feeling. You needed to breathe.
“Can we move to the bed, please? I need to lie down.” You asked as soft as you could manage, and Matty nodded, allowing you to move off of him and clamber onto the mattress.
He sat with his back against the wall and your head in his lap, not saying anything. His hand rubbed over your back slowly, and you closed your eyes. The pounding from above hadn’t ceased, and seemed to only intensify as more voices were added as well as the music. Matty shook his head, saying something about how they needed a better taste in music to try and lighten the mood.
After about ten minutes of sitting with each other, you could tell Matty was trying to nonchalantly check his watch. Sighing, you pushed yourself up and sat against the wall, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Go.” You sighed, staring at your feet in front of you.
“What? Are you feeling better?” He asked, putting a hand gently on your shoulder. You shrugged it off, and he realized you were trying to push him away.
“No, but I can tell you’re anxious to get back.” You sighed, moving a strand of hair out of your face. “It’s fine. They’re more important. I’ll be okay, I guess.”
“Is that what this is about? You think they’re more important than you?” You had to be stupid not to hear the hurt in his voice. You closed your eyes again. Selfish. You were guilt tripping him now.
“No. That’s not what this is about.” You stated firmly, bringing your knees to your chest again. “I’m sorry for making you stop your live. I know how much they mean to you, and I know Friday’s are supposed to be reserved for doing your thing, and I feel so pathetic for dragging you away from them because of my stupid issues.” Tears spilled onto your cheeks and you wiped them away with you palm, not wanting Matty to see you cry over this.
You felt a strong pair of arms pull you into a hug, and you miserably buried your face in his chest.
“My fans mean a lot to me, of course they do, but you come first. If they mattered more, do you think I’d be over here right now?” He asked, resting his chin on your head. “Do you think I’d have answered your call? I know you’d never call me unless something was wrong. As soon as I looked at my phone, I knew you needed me.”
You were openly crying now, apologizing for having thought otherwise. Apologizing for being selfish. Apologizing for being you.
Matty only brought you tighter into his arms, shushing you softly. “You don’t have a damn thing to be sorry for.” He told you. “It’s what I’m here for. Through both the good, and the bad, and I’m not going to leave your side.”
You had managed to stop crying, and gave a halfhearted sniffle at his words. “You promise?” holding up your hand, you stuck out your pinkie. He interlocked his with yours, a soft smile on his lips.
After telling Matty that you indeed still needed to study, he attempted to come up with a solution for what to do about your noisy neighbors.
“Why don’t you just come to my place?” He suggested, grabbing one of your fluffy pillows and lobbing it at the ceiling. You caught it when it fell back to the bed, tossing it at him.
“Because I actually need to study.” You replied, narrowing your eyes at your easily predictable boyfriend.
Matty only rolled his eyes and placed the pillow along with the others. “I’ll be quiet. Come on.” He held out his hand, and after a moment, you accepted his offer.
Grabbing your bag from off the floor, you tossed the contents onto your bed and replaced them with a change of clothes and your toothbrush. Matty tucked your textbook under his arm and held the door open for you, a warm smile on his lips.
“Playboy. That’s a magazine, right?” Matty’s high pitched laughter bounced off the walls of his small bedroom. He sat at the same desk he did a lot of his writing, illuminated by a ring light that seemed to accent his sharp features. “Alright, how about that. She had a face straight out of a Playboy.” He shook his head.
You laid on his bed with your textbook in front of you, a grin on your lips when he caught your attention. He was right, getting away from the noise of your neighbors eliminated your anxiety, and you could properly focus on studying. You were of course paying attention more to Matty than anything, his voice keeping your gravity centered.
Resting your chin in your hand, you took a break from your book to watch him, his animated facial expressions and reactions to each comment he received was entertaining to watch, and how could you miss the fact that he checked on you every once in awhile to make sure you were still doing alright.
Matty’s concern for your well being made you feel guilty for ever doubting him, but your mind tended to overthink during a panic attack. You were just glad to have him by your side.
There wasn’t anyone better.
