( ` it’s a surprise to hear from the other male since he’s been away for what seems to be longer than a couple of weeks. she understands that he has a hectic schedule or two in his life but she does worry about his well being most of the time. her fingers clutched onto the sides of her phone, rereading those three words to herself with a faint smile resting on the apples of her cheeks. )
[ sms: mr. smith ] I miss you a lot and I hope you come back soon.
23. Our muses are destined to fall in love with each other, but cannot be in a relationship with each other because - due to their double lives when they're not together, love is forbidden. Somewhere along those lines.
Supposed the love for one another happened unexpectedly. And the confession that spills out was quite memorable, how she blurted out the three words of adoration first. Naeun tried to whisper it sneakily into his ears but the moment Knight’s head turned to face her, the closeness between their faces causes her to blurt it out loud. Therefore, she said it out loud and he smiled sincerely at the way she becomes bashful by covering her face behind the palms of her hands. He always remembered as that type of woman, someone who’s quiet and doesn’t speak so much like himself. Except she’s more approachable and he was labeled as someone who’s the complete opposite.
The adoration was there, he says the same three words towards her with his nose lightly nudging against her own. The warmth of his breath tickling along the pair of her rosy lips, thumb tracing the outline until her teeth playfully nips on it as her typical habit that makes him chuckle airly.
“Are you worried?” He asked suddenly, palms pressed against the pavement underneath his skin. Feet dangling out with her own as they sit on the edge of the building she usually brings him at whenever he wasn’t feeling at his best. Knight doesn’t verbally inform her about how he feels half of the time, it’s usually a situation he likes to fix on his own time and effort. Naeun can catch on, observing the way he acts around her.
Filling her cheeks up with air, fingers drumming absentmindedly onto her thighs before her nails were grazing along the denim. “Not really.” She admitted softly, despite her being a bit worried about how things were going to be in the future she knows that it wouldn’t exactly work out so well as they both wanted to be.
It’s dangerous to put one another into that situation.
And he knows, the way she is when the late evenings arise and they’re not besides one another. He seen it one night, remembered her face and the way the corner of her lips displayed a wicked grin. The glint in her eyes and the way her palms were coated in another’s bloods. Knight left the scene that time, needed some time to remind himself that it wasn’t her and that it was some sick delusion. Or that it was someone close to resembling her appearance as well.
Deep down, Naeun craved to be in a committed relationship with the other.
Wanting to spend every day without feeling like there’s another person coming in between. It wasn’t easy, it was never easy to be with someone in particular now. It isn’t the amount of friends being over-protective of one or the other. Their lifestyles, the connections that can easily grasp a hold of Knight or herself as well, she couldn’t risk it.
- - - ✄ - - -
‘I’m just letting you know, you can’t exactly be with someone like that. Or anyone in general.’
The words were engraved inside of her mind, causing her to dismiss herself out of frustration from letting one of her old partners know what happened hours before. Perhaps, he is right. Naeun doesn’t want to listen either. She always told herself that she wouldn’t let anyone come in between her and a loved one. Yet it resulted into verbal words of anger into physical contact to where there’s bruises along his arm and back to push him away from her.
And from a distance, from hushed words that escaped from her ears to hear only;; Knight always told her that he was watching over her from a distance.
In his perspective, he sees the body fallen unconscious onto the ground with a loud thud. Chest rising with every breath that falls out of his chapped lips and he looks over at Naeun from a distance, he should have controlled his actions or at least tell her to look somewhere else. Knight assumes she saw far worse but he doesn’t want her to be involved in that anymore. A shade of purple splotched along her cheek, lower lip sinking into her mouth to nip at it anxiously.
“Come here.” He pulls her petite frame into his hold, excusing themselves into the scenery before it becomes worse than it already is. And after a while, her body was resting on top of his own, hands tucked underneath her thighs to keep her secure on his back with strands of her dark tresses tickling the side of his face. Knight catches her apology, trying to hush her calmly to inform her that it was perfectly fine and that there wasn’t permanent damage on him.
- - - ✄ - - -
“You can stop apologizing now, Naeun.” He informs softly, placing a small ice pack against the patch of skin that was bruised an hour ago. Keeping it there as she shakes her head slowly, eyes averting towards another direction out of guilt until his forefinger and middle finger was tapping under her chin. Silently asking for direct eye contact with a small sigh for how she’s acting currently.
“It’s fine.”
“No it isn’t.”
Naeun says, gently pushing away the ice pack away from her face while blinking any tears away from her eyes. It could have been worse, they both know that but it’s the sight of him getting injured is what hurts the most to her. The woman couldn’t express herself well, in fact if she were to say more than those three words of love itself it’ll stumble upon one another messily. Knight stares at her worriedly, despite them growing accustom into more physical touches as time goes on, it takes him a while to hold her hand into his own.
Because he doesn’t intend on letting go, he doesn’t want to. So he’ll admit his feelings once again. “I love you.”
And she breaks into tears, feeling them press against her cheeks until they drips down slowly onto her chin. Using her free hand to wipe them away forcefully with the back of her hand, squeezing his hand reassuringly. “But we can’t be together.” Naeun confesses, knowing that if people were to catch onto her relationship it’ll be dropped immediately. And it’s painful, to know that they couldn’t be with one another the way other couples could be and perhaps that’s why she becomes bittersweet about love in general. It’s one thing she wanted but could never have for good.
Knight knows, it’s confirmed that it wouldn’t work out but it doesn’t stop him nevertheless. It doesn’t change drastically between them either. Thumb swiping along the knuckles with his arm snaking around her fragile frame to pull her closer to him, lips pressed against her forehead before replying back to her.
Naeun wanted to responded back to him more sternly but with the way her tone was at a higher pitch, becoming more childish as if the demand itself made her gradually melt into a puddle of goo. And somehow she’s constantly apologizing over and over for how she suddenly rejected him without even attempting to. Not that she would, she respects the older male hence is why she never held his hand or latched onto his arm.
“Wait, I mean- no. No, no. That’s what I meant it’s just-”
And somehow she’s stumbling upon her words to where she raised her arms out into the air, almost smacking her palm directly on Knight’s face without meaning to. Thankfully, she’s swinging her petite hands in an unknown direction, away from his visage otherwise that would have made the situation far more worse than it should be. The brunette doesn’t make an attempt to meet his gaze, it plasters on the floor where her feet were before she sways from side to side.
Debating whether to obey to his command or not, she brings her fingers up to her rosy lips instead. A light touch upon the pads before she takes a step closer to where he was standing. Cheeks painted in a shade of crimson, unable to control the warmth that was practically painted on her face. The kiss she pressed upon her fingers were lightly tapping along his cheek, her way of complying to Knight’s remark without their lips exactly meeting or her lips coming too near him for discomfort.
And she realized last minute, he’s probably that intoxicated.
"I saw a picture of sunflowers and thought of you."
The sudden appearance from the older male causes her head to tilt to that direction where he was standing. His statement falls out of his lips and soon enough a smile paints along a pair of her own. It was concealed behind the palm of her hand out of habit, it’s an endearing comment one that she considers a compliment. “That’s sweet of you to say, Knight. I’m flattered.” Words mumbling off the tip of her tongue rather softly, hand placed back on her side as she feels a hint of color rise along her cheeks unknowingly.
And here they were. Again. The usual position and the same movements that never exactly changed during the couple of months of knowing one another. There were times where they were uncertain of the feeling of the silence that wrapped around their figures when they fell into each other's presence. Naeun made it comforting when the weather was cold all he felt was nothing more but warmth. And he appreciated it so much more than he displayed in her eyes.
Their voices lingered into their hearing, they talk. Answers remain simple with words that barely made a proper topic last a whole hour but they continue on with speaking. They can speak about anything and regardless of a handful of words being exchanged, it somehow ends up being enough for the both of them. She likes the way it remains simple, how it doesn't end up becoming a mixture of unsure emotions that makes her confused.
Despite this comfort and the warmth. There are usually times where they can tense when something is off but they never verbally expressed it with the other. Naeun knows there were some moments in his life that knocked him over the edge but she pressed her lips forcefully together, averting his gaze because she didn't want to point it out. Along with Knight, he did the same. It's difficult to tell when she's alright or feeling the complete opposite because she keeps her composure the same; well put together when she's falling apart.
"You look beautiful." The compliment rolls out of his tongue naturally, felt the urge to say that for months. He felt like those words were something Naeun usually hear from men who constantly admired her from head to toe when their monochrome irises fall upon her youthful visage. It happened, he didn't want to exactly take it back either. It's too late for all that now.
Her eyes drift upon her lap, palm pressed upon her lips to conceal the dust of pink that rises along her cheeks in a bashful manner. The blossom that made its way back home that he remembers seeing over and over again in the past that he never fails to find it quite endearing to set his own pair of eyes upon. A soft whisper passes Naeun's lips, thanking him rather quietly for his comment. Though she doesn't find herself quite beautiful.
There's a smile that was constantly radiant, comparing it to the sunlight that beams on early spring as it was the reason why flowers began to bloom and the petals were flashing ever so slowly along the stem. It's forceful and fake, it's not considered beautiful. The tiny crescents that formed upon her eyes to display a moment of positive emotion that takes over her visage was endearing for one's perspective to see, similar to the moon that shows up on special occasions unexpectedly. Tears stream down upon those eyes, it's not considered beautiful. Or the way another's gaze would fall upon her milky skin, glancing at the curves that finger tips would glide upon the surface at ease with such grace; delicate touch to remember the frame of her body. Cuts, bruises the sight of blood would paint along it even then it's not considered beautiful.
And snap, her mind breaks back into reality when their eyes met on accident. Her eyes watered from the thought itself, to think so lowly with lack of confidence in herself. Knight might consider her to be quite foolish if she ends up protesting. On the verge of breaking down but she couldn't exactly cry, not in front of him at least.
"But you don't look fine."
Knight isn't the best at comforting people and sometimes he wished he was. Because for someone who gave him a reason to smile even if that day wasn't his best, she was there. Sat besides him through thick and thin, silently questioning if it ever hurt her to see him to where he's injured physically or emotionally exhausted. There was this sudden urge to envelop her tiny frame upon his arms, to press her against his chest; to inform her silently that he was there. Always was, watching over her the way she did for others.
And he remembered last minute, he couldn't bring her too close.
Because she couldn't do the same for him.
"No, no. I'm fine. Promise." Naeun reminded him. The older male was going to worry regardless of her confirmation, she can repeat it every single day until they'll part ways and even then it wouldn't change his mind. The shakiness in her voice caught him off guard, features softening up when she spoke to him softly like she usually does. A familiar smile presses along her cheeks, again -- it's reassuring him to not worry but he still feels the need to.
He cares. A lot more than he shows the young female. Feeling rather guilty for never expressing it so much the way others probably do, how easy it was for them to hold her close for warmth or a shoulder to lean on.
They're good friends, close friends they would label one another. And even then he never had the chance to reach for the hand that was once extended out towards his direction to display a paper flower that was made by the woman who sat besides him until this day.
"Sorry." Again, the artist speaks out loud to him. The pain was obvious in the way her voice shatters, it's faint and it displays a certain fear of apologizing for doing absolutely nothing wrong to him. Knight raises a brow, silently asking what was wrong or why she was apologizing to begin with; but she presses her lips tight together in thought. Her shoulder was shrugged and her palm was pressed upon her eyes because these tears began to overflow every time she blinks. The woman tries her hardest to hold back, because she constantly admired him for enduring half of his pain and continuing on. Feeling the need to do the same every time they part ways because she wanted him to understand that despite her appearing fragile, she didn't want to look weak anymore.
It was rare for him to admit to missing the company of another being; but, she was someone that he simply had the hardest time being without. Black met hazelnut, and there was the faintest twitch of a smile before he murmured in answer. "And I, you."
Normally, she finds it rather difficult to see a smile come along his features. Always presenting himself to be rather reserved but calm, similar to how she is but they're quite different in their own perspective. Perhaps, that's a reason she's grown quite fond of him and his unexpected presence. Pausing, she didn't want to rush her answer; realizing she gazing at him too long ( longer than she intended because she had a tendency to stare without thinking twice ). A faint shade of pink rests on the apples of her cheeks before speaking after Knight.
"I-- I hope you've been doing well lately." She said. It's been quite a while since she's seen or heard from him as well.
"Dearest Knight." She simply lets the words connect and fall together when it releases out from her rosy pair of lips. There’s a brief smile that was displayed on her cheeks but it fades away within seconds, hazelnut colored hues flickered over the direction to where he stands in order to focus her attention more on him. "I missed you." Confessing with no hesitations in her voice, staying silent afterwards with her lips lightly pressed against one another.
Blood was everywhere and it was nowhere, leaving him gasping for breaths that he didn’t need and praying for death that would never come. Every life he’d ever taken, every shot he’d ever fired, and every head he’d ever severed from the shoulders of others hounded him, haunted him, made permanent residence in his mind. It was a fate worse than meeting his own end and, for seconds that lasted for far too long, he wished he was able to die. He wished he was able to close his eyes and escape the constant sensation of drowning in the essence of life that he so joyously spilled — danced in, even.
His lust birthed catastrophe and yielded for no one.
No one but the one person he never expected. Suddenly, he was fine; porcelain skin wasn’t dirtied by crimson and his mind was clear. There was a source of warmth, hotter than the sun shining bright in his dreamworld and, right then, Knight knew that he needed to wake up. Or maybe it was curiosity that would never die that demanded he wake up—
Either way, onyx hues opened and came face-to-face with calm.
There wasn’t a need to speak, he simply shifted closer to the larger male, the tremors that crept over his spine ebbing away into nothing the longer he inhaled Jongin’s scent. He knew it wouldn’t last; he knew it’d always come back. But, for now, he’d appreciate the one thing Jongin could give that no one else could:
Peace.
Suddenly their eyes met, only for a moment before the smaller male clung to his frame, pressing himself closer, almost in a desperate manner with small fists curling on Jongin's chest. And then, there was peace. Silence filled the room with the younger's fingers travelling down the other's spine, with a soft breath brushing the porcelain cheek. Jongin might have wished to ask so many times before about those moments, the reasons behind the terrors Knight had to suffered from almost every night, when he was alone, yet within the time when Jongin got to at least lull this state, giving Knight at least few minutes of peace, sleep he was constantly lacking, it was enough.
No one could understand their bond, such moments of intimacy, when they needed to be close to each other, without exaggeratted talks and love confessions. When sleep came with ease, bodies pressed against each other instinctively with no words needed. Sometimes, Jongin considered himself lucky just being Knight's assistance and security.
