I feel quite proud for not letting someone who used to hurt me back in. I'd feel bad for it back then, as if it weren't their fault and it was only my messy mind. Someone once said they'd leave me alone with my emotions and my music, leave me to brood. If anyone were to dive back in, it would have to be me. I felt so shitty, the tears let themselves out, before I could shut the door. I thought it was my fault, I fucked up our relationship because I was always in my feelings. That's just how I am, I feel things so intensely that it can send such a shockwave through my mind, tremoring through my body, pooling in my veins. I hate the anxieties, the nerves poking me with its jagged edges, pieces of broken glass used to keep me on my toes. I let my heart into my mind, what I see in a day, what I write with my scratched up hand, how I let it become a part of my stories, show itself in the sketchiness of my art. I have been learning more about myself, and getting to know more about what makes the tears flow, how my mind can know when to laugh or sneak away for a moment to cry. The rage and confusion, is a part of me, but it's not all of me. I'm not here to be your diary, locked away to collect dust and your occasional angst. You can walk away. Just as I did. I'm worth more than I believe myself to be, and I know there's much more depth to my soul than the salt trails drying over my cheeks or the shakiness in my knees. However, it is because of my emotions that allow me to feel love for what I do, for who I am and for the people I have met. There's wonder, curiousity, and trust to be met with. So much more left to discover. Not everyone can come to terms with this, everyone can handle it or discover this differently. I understand that. I'm still finding out more about my mind, about my soul. If you think allowing myself to wander down this path is such a bad thing, then that's on you. My music has helped me, my emotions can be my enemy sometimes but it is still me nonetheless. You didn't see me, you saw what you didn't want to bother with, a waste of your time. Just like yours was mine. I left you because I knew being around you felt like hell, it felt like I'd throw up knifed- winged butterflies and I'd cry glass. I couldn't grow with you anymore because you'd only stomp on my petals, crush my stem and rip off my leaves. I left so you could grow your own way, and I could rip your roots out of mine. I don't regret it. I don't miss you. I miss our younger days when we laughed, when I cried inside is something I don't miss. I can still feel for you in nostalgia but nothing more, and nothing less. You were a part of the puzzle, and I didn't fit in yours anymore. I wasn't meant to be your shadow forever, I'm not sorry for finding myself in the trickle of slow, steady light. I'm older now, a little wiser, still a crier for what I love, I'm just like that. I saw your message and I won't ignore it, I don't need to accept it. I don't need to bring you back. I'm moving forward. No need to go back this time around.