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Bon jour Dames Nation! It is we, matriarchs of another nation, the Adult Fans of One Direction , aka AFOOD Nation, Cassie Niespodziewanski and Candice Tindell! You might know us from some of our tumblr greatest hits like this 100% real dialogue from the week Zayn left

Check out a newsletter we quest edited this week and consider subscribing to this amazing weekly newsletter. Feel the joy and eat some goddamned cake.

#two bossy dames #we wrote something!#and got paid for it we're officially published =

Podcast host Krista Tippett talks with writer and philosopher Alain de Botton about how our relationships might be different and better if we reexamined our view of love.

Elementary fans may be familiar with this definition, mentioned in the discussion: “The Ancient Greeks had a view of love which was essentially based around education, that what love means — love is a benevolent process whereby two people try to teach each other how to become the best versions of themselves.“

The conversation acknowledges repeatedly that love isn’t limited to romantic couples, although they do keep coming back to that model even as they reiterate that it shouldn’t be the default.

podcast with complete transcript

I found this via the Two Bossy Dames newsletter.

#on being #two bossy dames #krista tippett #alain de botton #love

Two Bossy Dames Podcast On LADY BIRD and Coming-of-Age Stories

Yaaaay! It’s a new episode of our Two Bossy Dames podcast, begun for Patreon, but continued now for all of you equally! In this episode, Margaret and Sophie discuss at length the perfection of Greta Gerwig’s Oscar-Nominated film Lady Bird, just in time for you to really dig in before the Academy Awards on Sunday (where it’s nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actress, Best Supporting Actress, and Best Original Screenplay, though not favored to win any). Then we extend the conversation by talking about some of our favorite coming of age stories.

Here’s the complete list of works mentioned during our Recommended Further Viewing & Reading section:

Rushmore

The Trouble with Angels

Strike!

Lucy and Linh by Alice Pung

Piecing Me Together by Renée Watson

The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks and the Ruby Oliver series (starting with The Boyfriend List) by E. Lockhart

Why We Broke Up by Daniel Handler and Maira Kalman

Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan novels, starting with My Brilliant Friend

One note: This episode was taped in late 2017, before Daniel Handler’s history of persistently subjecting fellow authors to a wide array of inappropriate sexual comments was widely known (though this is not his first offense in the realm of deeply problematic jokes). If we recorded the episode today, we would still have recommended Why We Broke Up (which is as much a credit to Maira Kalman as it is to Handler), but we would not have done so without making note of these reports. Hence!

#coming of age #two bossy dames #podcast #lady bird

Thoughts on Lady Rage

The marvelous Dames Sophie & Margaret from Two Bossy Dames released an amazing newsletter on Lady Rage last Friday, which I highly recommend reading. [gif warning at the link] They really do a great job of delving into their experiences and perspective on how women have so much to be angry about and so little cultural room to be angry. (That’s a massive oversimplification on my part--do go and read the whole thing.)

But I wanted to talk a little about my own experience & reaction to anger, which is super super super complicated because it’s also tied to my experience of emotional abuse. My dad was angry my whole life, at lots of different people, including me & the rest of the family. His anger was used as a weapon, while my anger was shut down. Obviously growing up in that environment is going to have an effect. This plays out in a couple of ways:

I assume that if I get angry, I will be punished for it, because historically I have been

My own anger scares me, because the single thing in the world that I’m most frightened of is perpetuating that cycle of hurt

I have had few models of good ways to deal with anger in my life

Experiencing others’ anger can feel like a toxin building up in my bloodstream

So, over and above all of the social conditioning that tells women that they should be nice and sweet and not mad about anything (all while filling the news cycle with endless stories about violence and harassment and aggression against us)--above and beyond all of that, I also have that voice in my head that tells me that getting angry is going to hurt someone, probably me.

(This is all massively verbalized from what is in fact a very subconscious response. It’s taken a lot of work and a lot of distance in both time & space for me to be able to talk about this as clearly as I am.)

The result is that I almost never get actually angry on my own behalf. I get angry in defense of other people. I love what Sophie said about being “furious all the time, but rarely actually angry.” I’m at a simmering rage most of the time, to be honest. But there have been times when I’ve gotten angry and regretted what I’ve said and done.

I know that women are told to be quiet and meek in a way men aren’t. I hate this. I want to rage against what’s wrong in the world. And yet--and yet--I also see the ways that anger can be toxic for me--both my own and other peoples’. I hate that women, are told that their justified anger is wrong, unseemly, too much. And yet there are times when I literally physically feel anger building up in my body and it hurts.

Maybe the problem is partly one of vocabulary: that what we call anger is actually many things from many motives, expressed in many ways. When all of this is given one label, it’s easy to feel like my father’s destruction, my own impulses, the rage we should all feel at injustices in the world are all the same.

I don’t know. I don’t have answers to the questions I’ve raised for myself. Like the rest of us, I’m muddling my way through. I’m trying to learn to trust my instincts, to distrust what I’ve been told and to hold true to what I know, deep in my heart and my gut and my bones. Right now, that says: sometimes it’s okay to be angry. Sometimes it’s not, but it’s okay to mess up too, as long as you admit it and try again.

#lady rage #two bossy dames #personal #reflection #tw: emotional abuse #tw: abuse